I Fought For You

I cared more about you,
than you cared about yourself

decisive love that only
a child could give..

I saw past all you flaws
your fixations

I disregarded you forsaking me
to endure a disconcerted life
I never quite understood...

I held you up on the highest
pedastal and called you father

I searched for you
and accepted what I had discovered

A demoralized man hell bent
on gambling away his life
track mark and crack pipes

I stood by your side...

snuggled into the scent of your leather coat
forgave you more often
than I forgave myself

I grasped all your afflictions
your encumbrance
and placed them upon my own shoulders

I fought for you
when you wouldnt fight for yourself...

When the call came
I screamed till
I thought my lungs would burst..

I picked out your coffer
kissed you forhead one last time
and pulled the sheet up...



I weeped
for days into
the comfort of your coat

than deserted my home
my mother
my happiness

in attempt to understand you..

in the process I displaced myself..
and everything I had and stood for...


I let my children down
as you had let me down..

all aspirations blew out the window
all dreams staled
my heart grew bitter
self worth vanished

And I told myself
it was all for you..

every shattered mirror
every failed attempt
reflected you..

I see you everytime
I see myself...

I tried to starve you out

to burn you away

but you remained

I cannot cut you out
your blood runs through my veins

apart of you is apart of me

so once again...

I'm left seeing past flaws
and addictions

living a confused life
I'll never understand

searching
and accepting

forgiving someone
other than myself

carrying pain
and burdens
not always mine

fighting
always fighting




and praying everyday
that my children
are never like me.