The Truth

As I sit next to her at the table I don't know what to say.
Her full attention is given to the boy sitting next to her.
They look into each other's eyes and I know it's all over for me.
He notices me and I quickly flash him a smile and look away.
But my best friend of eight years and her know me all too well.
As they ask what is wrong I insist that nothing is wrong.
She uses her "Don't b.s. me" look and he searches into my eyes.
They both know what's wrong and they want me to say it.
I tell them I have to go and swiftly get away.
As I look back and see them in the midst of conversation I silently hope that they're happy together as I'm torn and suffering on the inside.
I swear to myself that if he ever hurts her his life will turn into a living hell much as he has undoubtedly yet unwittingly made mine.


But the worst part is knowing the truth that only I know, that I will never tell them alive or dead.
The truth that I hate them both for being together, the truth that I'm trying to distance myself as much as possible from them so that I won't ever stand in their way, and the truth that I hate myself the most of all for being so selfish and inconsiderate of them, for not being there when they wanted or needed me there, and being completely passive as I watched them grow closer together.
I hope they're happy with the decision they've made because the truth is I'm not happy with the decisions that I've made.