deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lovers lullaby
The night is dark but do not fear
The sun will come and burn our tears
Hush my prey I am here hush my little
consort I am here
Lay your head on your pillow
and dream of meadows full of bliss
As you moan and grind from my
life sucking kiss
The night is dark but do not fear
The sun will come and burn our tears
Your tears are falling like rain from the
skies
And I swear it's like you're bleeding
from the eyes
Hush my prey I am here hush my little
consort I am here
I can hear your heart pounding
I can smell the lust rising off your skin
And everything about you makes it
harder to resist
You're my ecstasy my bliss my only sin
You're my enemy my only hate my consort
You're my favorite disease you bring me
to my knees
That's why I had to leave
So goodnight my consort goodnight my prey
Know that I'll return one day
The night is dark but do not fear
The sun will come and burn our tears
Hush my prey I am here hush my little
consort I am here there's nothing to fear
The sun will come and burn our tears
Hush my prey I am here hush my little
consort I am here
Lay your head on your pillow
and dream of meadows full of bliss
As you moan and grind from my
life sucking kiss
The night is dark but do not fear
The sun will come and burn our tears
Your tears are falling like rain from the
skies
And I swear it's like you're bleeding
from the eyes
Hush my prey I am here hush my little
consort I am here
I can hear your heart pounding
I can smell the lust rising off your skin
And everything about you makes it
harder to resist
You're my ecstasy my bliss my only sin
You're my enemy my only hate my consort
You're my favorite disease you bring me
to my knees
That's why I had to leave
So goodnight my consort goodnight my prey
Know that I'll return one day
The night is dark but do not fear
The sun will come and burn our tears
Hush my prey I am here hush my little
consort I am here there's nothing to fear
Published 26th May 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 564
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th May 2013 1:15pm
I’m afraid this is not a professional standard poem. It scored -1.96 on the Poetry Assessor http://115.146.95.34/poetry/. One way to improve is to 1) Use concrete rather than abstract language 2) Don’t use emotion words. Instead, create a scene without using emotion words and allow the reader to supply the emotion 3) Write in the past tense.
I hope this helps.
I hope this helps.
26th May 2013 6:38pm
Thank you it does help. I will keep those in mind and keep working on it, I appreciate the advice and honesty.
