sonnet for a girl ii (love)

I love how at first the poem is more on the romancey side and it reminds me of a sort of Romeo and Juliet situation then it sort of warps into a modern fucked up Romeo and Juliet. Lovely, just lovely. Addiction is a crazy thing and that's why love leads to insanity. :)

love as with everything else leads to death.. sometimes those romeos and juliets out there do succeed and keep this loveless cruel selfish world going on without them.. they never belonged her.. and no matter how many times its read and no matter how many pompus beards get rubbed with shit eating grins saying oh my this is a masterpiece.. they miss the point and will never know what romeo and juliet had within them.. something that could tear the paint off these cocky empty faces which breed nothing but thems.. solicit to the highest bidder and lets fuck another hero up the ass with candy and sarin gas

I like sonnets a lot. I appreciate this one as they are relatively scarce on this site. But I must quickly point out that the poet did not give it a definite rhyme scheme. However he gave it all other features of this kind of sonnet.

I like the: "my words are insufficient, still I try" aspect of the poem. Every sonneteer must appreciate that line.

Thanks Nathan for posting. :-bd

i dont rhyme because im not good at it and i dont like it.. the last perhaps is the reason for the latter.. i think of rhyming too much of the time takes a way from the power of poetry because people sound to forced and restrained.. poetry should feel free so the author and reading both have chance to appreciate any given piece.. a very few musician who have at least in my eyes reached the level of poetic rather than just rhyming crap.. we need to make something to be proud of.. im quite sure im not within the limes of traditional sonnets but this is my fucking story and ill do as i please i have a poetic license in my wallet if you need proof anyway glad you liked the piece

nice work ... i agree about the rhyme thing i dont like it eather a little bit is just gunna happen but to force it to be that way takes away from the point

you can be so romantic if you want you and this poem is the proof!

hehe dont go spreading that around i have a reputation to uphold :P

There are three incredible lines in this piece: "my heart, neon green..." (a strange yet powerful image); "my system begs for your adoration" (so richly lyrical, a treat for the ears); and the final "the secrets of the moths," which I think should have been the title.
One small quibble: "pass of time" doesn't really make sense; I'd suggest editing that line thus: "everyone else just passes the time."
Other than that, though, wonderful; both your loins and your pen are on fire, it seems.

the heart chakra in eastern philosophy is a bright green so thats where that image came from.. yeah me and laura have this thing about insects being like carrier pigeons.. they carry messages back and for from her to me.. hers are dragonflies and my messengers are moths.. they whisper the secrets and messages so lightly that it just sounds like this his or their wings flapping.. yeah i saw that line doesnt make sense i changed it on the master copy on my computer i rarely edit poems after theyre already on the sites unless its a significant change.. yep cock on fire and lit the pen cheers!

your words here are like a big hug <3

in the arms of one who will have no other