"My destiny"

Now i know the damage i did-ran these streets like a runaway kid-pickin' up street knowledge from all the hoods-it's a shame it took me this long to realize none of that shit was any damn good-broken hearts are whut i concieved-love is the slowest form of s.u.i.c.i.d.e-all my love,all my memories will be forever lost like tears in the rain-you will never understand or know larry's pain-i've seen and done things you people could never believe-these words are like ice freezing the brain this is all you'll ever see-no prospects are in store for me-constantly filling out job apps,damn phone never will ring-i always knew deep down into the dark depths of my aching soul-that it would be like this,i would die alone,mr.death i'm ready to go-this is some hilarious shit,the way i see things into my minds eye-without a sense of humor you got nothin',i hear ya askin' why?-i'm in this fucked predicament-for i have made many errors in my judgment-there cannot be light without dark,no good without evil,no love without hate,no life without death-hear the poetic words spew outta my mouth as i take a deep breath-many times i have faced my death with noone to know-if i have noone to know i do know that his majesty thy lord jesus does in fact know-i sometimes ask myself over and over again-how could god love someone like me who struggles with lust,struggles with sin-your suffering,i'm suffering,with suffering you haven't seen anything yet-i know jesus gave his life to pay for my sinfull debt-oh yes there was blood involved what thy lord hath done-deep in  my heart,mind and soul he is number one-so no matter how often i dwell on my death and how often i get blue-the ladies in my life,my dreams are of an eternity with you-life is pleasant,death is peacefull,it's the transition that's troublesome-no doubt thinkin' these kinda thoughts will make your body feel numb-when i'm alone-i cry,i cry for i am on my own all alone-crying cause my heart is torn and it will never mend-god i cannot wait to die and my soul shall ascend-up to you in your loving arms,your loving understanding-everything i have and am my lord,is yours for the taking-right now i am so sick of crying,so tired of trying-yeah i can fake a smile,but inside i am dying-all my lifes hopes and dreams are broken,smashed to pieces-i know the people in life move so fast,i'm the only one that see's this-i ask myself time and time again "why did i ruin everything?-i allowed sin & natas into my soul and influence me to do evil things-i hurt so badly i quote words of pain and sorrow-i pray at nite to my dear lord,my god i don't care to see tomorrow-i have loved and i have lost-i can never get back that love no matter the cost-having the love of your life leave you and say "we can still be friends"-is like your pet dyin' and you still keep it,cause it's soo hard to believe the relationship has come to it's inevitable end-now here i am drifting in the remnants of my shattered reality-living with constant sadness and depression,just total insanity-tell me,should i care if i live or die?-with all this heart felt pain i feel and every hour of the days i cry-too bad for myself there are no solutions,no easy answers-this agony i feel eating away at my soul like cancer-have you ever felt so alone and nothing made sense?-that's how i feel right now mind twisted so much,not even close to makin' a dollar outta 15 cents-look deep into my eyes and all you will see is pain-pain, that cannot even be washed away by a storm like rain-to escape my pain,to escape my reality i pop pills all day everyday-besides were all addicted to something that temporarily takes the pain away-i'm soo sick of feeling numb-i know that i'm not the only one-this life of mine is filled with hurt-no joy,no happiness,nothing will work-the only positive thing about feeling hurt and pain,is that it lets you know your not dead yet-but what if death is what i seek,let's play the game of death,place your bets-my pain will never go away as long as i continue to live-so your hurt,your pain,your sadness dump it all on me i shall take it if you give-kill me pills,watch me break,watch me burn-my death,my immortalization it is my turn-always repeating always wondering-where in the hell,where in the fuck is my happy ending?-true strength is nothing more than how well you hide your pain-all these pills i have taken i feel my pulse become faint-death is certain,life is not-many lives are taken by a single gunshot-death is coming for all of us,you just never know when-you shall spend an eternity in hellish darkness if you die in your sin-knowing and accepting jesus is the only way to his house in heaven-childhood's over the moment you know someday your gonna die-nothings gonna stop it,it's inevitable no need to cry-in this life everyone say's their final words,bye bye-every person has a devil and you can't rest till you find him-he's the wicked one who has you commit sin-"Lord i receive your work on the cross,and in your resurrection,i entrust you with my departure from earth-with christ as my friend,and heaven as my home,the day of my death,becomes sweeter than the day of my birth".