Submissions by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
"Light the flowers of the earth like incense and come dance with me in a field of fire" - Johnny Ox
Silver spoons
When I was a little girl I used to like the feeling of being the coldest person in the room,
In hopes that I could listen to the cool whooshing metallic clinking of everyone else's bones.
I used to like the feeling of heavy limbs and scratchy soft wool sweaters, because they could keep me so warm while everyone else was being kissed up and down by the chill in the room.
My limbs are much older now, and they clink like big empty silver clunky spoons,
But I don't like the feeling of being the coldest anymore, because I am always cold.
I am tired of being cold,...
In hopes that I could listen to the cool whooshing metallic clinking of everyone else's bones.
I used to like the feeling of heavy limbs and scratchy soft wool sweaters, because they could keep me so warm while everyone else was being kissed up and down by the chill in the room.
My limbs are much older now, and they clink like big empty silver clunky spoons,
But I don't like the feeling of being the coldest anymore, because I am always cold.
I am tired of being cold,...
#identity
210 reads
0 Comments
Ugly
I think that I have written this letter a thousand and one different times, each time even more afraid what would come shooting out of my fingertips. But I think I know what I must say now, even though I do not want to. I think that I have always hated us both, innards and skin. I think that when mom was supposed to be teaching us to love ourselves she did the opposite, but none of that has ever been her fault. Not all of it. I think sometimes that I try to sugar coat the hate that I shove down our throats with nicotine induced blackouts, so that way it won't hurt as much going down as it...
#hate
#SelfHarm
#confessional
#SelfReflection
#nonfiction
414 reads
0 Comments
Food
Food
It is defined as nutrition, source of protein, but never the weapon that was in every single one of my nightmares.
Food tastes only of recovery now, measured out scoops and bile lying in wait in the back of my throat like a dark clothed mistress.
I think that I was seven when I learned that food and I would always battle this way,
A familiar dance, dominance, pain or not. That the grip she would have on me would burn onto the inside of skin like fire raised burning red welts.
That she would become a part of me, second skin; second nature.
Food ...
It is defined as nutrition, source of protein, but never the weapon that was in every single one of my nightmares.
Food tastes only of recovery now, measured out scoops and bile lying in wait in the back of my throat like a dark clothed mistress.
I think that I was seven when I learned that food and I would always battle this way,
A familiar dance, dominance, pain or not. That the grip she would have on me would burn onto the inside of skin like fire raised burning red welts.
That she would become a part of me, second skin; second nature.
Food ...
#identity
#SelfHarm
#myself
#SelfDiscovery
#healing
427 reads
2 Comments
Lost
I am beginning to lose pieces of you that I didn't even think could be lost, and it hurts way deep down in the pit of my stomach.
Like how I cannot seem to remember when we last sat down to eat together,
Or what the sound of your off key show tune humming sounds like.
It feels as if I have lost you, and the hurtful part is the fact that you don't even see the knife sticking out from between my shoulder blades that your absence has put there.
I don't remember what you smell like anymore, or how your hugs feel.
I don't remember the last thing I said to you, you...
Like how I cannot seem to remember when we last sat down to eat together,
Or what the sound of your off key show tune humming sounds like.
It feels as if I have lost you, and the hurtful part is the fact that you don't even see the knife sticking out from between my shoulder blades that your absence has put there.
I don't remember what you smell like anymore, or how your hugs feel.
I don't remember the last thing I said to you, you...
#grief
#IMissYou
#separation
539 reads
4 Comments
COVID Day 3
Well, It got me guys. I'm absolutely losing my mind in this damn room of mine, and I go for my IV infusions at the hospital on monday. I'm hoping this is over and done with pretty soon.
Love, Angel x
Love, Angel x
#nonfiction
#pandemic
226 reads
1 Comment
Control
Control
It is a seven letter word that my body and I are so jealous of on days and nights like these,
I am sitting in my bed, too tired to move anything more than the air whooshing around inside of my lungs.
I am sitting here, envious of that seven letter word that my body and I have never had the privilege of having.
Control
It is an empty feeling, to lack the one thing your body desires the most; peace.
To lack the one thing that your body craves the most;
Control.
It is a seven letter word that my body and I are so jealous of on days and nights like these,
I am sitting in my bed, too tired to move anything more than the air whooshing around inside of my lungs.
I am sitting here, envious of that seven letter word that my body and I have never had the privilege of having.
Control
It is an empty feeling, to lack the one thing your body desires the most; peace.
To lack the one thing that your body craves the most;
Control.
#depression
#illness
#MentalHealth
330 reads
2 Comments
Damaged
Anxiety is running around rampantly on the inside of the walls of my chest, and it is all because of you.
I don't like to take car rides anymore with you because of how angry you always are,
And dinners at home with you always taste like unspoken words and stomach acid.
I don't remember a day I have not been afraid of you.
I can feel the rage wafting off of your body in waves, and see the way how your knuckles turn an ashy white when you get angry, and then I am suddenly seven years old again learning how to learn to listen for the bitter anger dripping off of your...
I don't like to take car rides anymore with you because of how angry you always are,
And dinners at home with you always taste like unspoken words and stomach acid.
I don't remember a day I have not been afraid of you.
I can feel the rage wafting off of your body in waves, and see the way how your knuckles turn an ashy white when you get angry, and then I am suddenly seven years old again learning how to learn to listen for the bitter anger dripping off of your...
#abuse
#manipulation
389 reads
1 Comment
For my future self.
October 4th, 2021.
I hope this letter finds you in good conscience, and that we are somewhere happy, somewhere loved. I wish I could tell you all of the things that we always do wrong, or how our nose crinkles when we smell the familiar sour scent of white vinegar.
But I can't, not for the moment at least. I wish I didn't have to do this, to be here sitting in my room alone with fiery white hot tears running down my cheeks. I wish that I didn't have to warn you about the feelings that will consume us in every waking moment and how the only thing to ever sit on our tongues is...
I hope this letter finds you in good conscience, and that we are somewhere happy, somewhere loved. I wish I could tell you all of the things that we always do wrong, or how our nose crinkles when we smell the familiar sour scent of white vinegar.
But I can't, not for the moment at least. I wish I didn't have to do this, to be here sitting in my room alone with fiery white hot tears running down my cheeks. I wish that I didn't have to warn you about the feelings that will consume us in every waking moment and how the only thing to ever sit on our tongues is...
#myself
245 reads
0 Comments
Gravity
I used to play a game when I was a child, and her name was gravity.
I would stand outside, my arms wide open, and I'd let gravity curl her arms around me like the home that I was destined never to have.
Gravity kept me together, willing my body not to crumble under her fingertips.
Sometimes when the numbness starts to creep its way inside of my bones I come back to her, in hopes that she will hold me like she once did, when I was nothing but pain and grace.
And she does, even if it is only for for a few miniscule seconds, and then suddenly;
I am alive all over...
I would stand outside, my arms wide open, and I'd let gravity curl her arms around me like the home that I was destined never to have.
Gravity kept me together, willing my body not to crumble under her fingertips.
Sometimes when the numbness starts to creep its way inside of my bones I come back to her, in hopes that she will hold me like she once did, when I was nothing but pain and grace.
And she does, even if it is only for for a few miniscule seconds, and then suddenly;
I am alive all over...
#earth
#universe
455 reads
1 Comment
To mom, from A.
I have decided that all I can ever feel for you is anger, because if I did not feel the anger that is bubbling inside of my stomach for you, I would feel what keeps me up at night; the Loss.
I plan my day ahead of time, so that there are no opportunities for you to slip your way back into the caverns of the mind of mine that you broke in two.
Because I, am holding onto nothing but grass and leaves, for I am at the edge of the world trying to escape the grief and loss you have given me.
I sometimes cannot help but to think of you, or if at that same moment you are thinking...
I plan my day ahead of time, so that there are no opportunities for you to slip your way back into the caverns of the mind of mine that you broke in two.
Because I, am holding onto nothing but grass and leaves, for I am at the edge of the world trying to escape the grief and loss you have given me.
I sometimes cannot help but to think of you, or if at that same moment you are thinking...
#separation
231 reads
1 Comment
Artist
i, used to be such a beautiful artist,
Only in the worst of ways.
I could let the love from my body bleed red onto any canvas, even if the canvas was my own two wrists.
I, was such a beautiful artist and sometimes I find myself afraid that I will never again be that great.
And the ache to let the love bleed red from my wrists grows so strong.
But then I remember how far I have come from it all, and I refuse to go back.
Instead, I will let the love bleed red onto pages, and my wrists will remain untouched.
Because I am still a beautiful artist,...
Only in the worst of ways.
I could let the love from my body bleed red onto any canvas, even if the canvas was my own two wrists.
I, was such a beautiful artist and sometimes I find myself afraid that I will never again be that great.
And the ache to let the love bleed red from my wrists grows so strong.
But then I remember how far I have come from it all, and I refuse to go back.
Instead, I will let the love bleed red onto pages, and my wrists will remain untouched.
Because I am still a beautiful artist,...
#minimalist
457 reads
3 Comments
Fate
Watching the love seep its way out of your parents bones is something I would not wish on anyone; enemy or not.
It is like fate himself has swooped down to pick at the inside of my chest, making the cracks in my lungs grow bigger and bigger.
I think that watching them slowly begin to hate one another is one of the worst pains that i have ever felt.
These are the same two people who once had a water gun fight inside of the house because of the thundering roaring rain outside, the same people who stayed up all night putting a toy together that now sits in the back of our...
It is like fate himself has swooped down to pick at the inside of my chest, making the cracks in my lungs grow bigger and bigger.
I think that watching them slowly begin to hate one another is one of the worst pains that i have ever felt.
These are the same two people who once had a water gun fight inside of the house because of the thundering roaring rain outside, the same people who stayed up all night putting a toy together that now sits in the back of our...
#breakup
#separation
274 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by Fallen_Angel_194 (Angel.)