deepundergroundpoetry.com
To mom, from A.
I have decided that all I can ever feel for you is anger, because if I did not feel the anger that is bubbling inside of my stomach for you, I would feel what keeps me up at night; the Loss.
I plan my day ahead of time, so that there are no opportunities for you to slip your way back into the caverns of the mind of mine that you broke in two.
Because I, am holding onto nothing but grass and leaves, for I am at the edge of the world trying to escape the grief and loss you have given me.
I sometimes cannot help but to think of you, or if at that same moment you are thinking of me, too.
I hate myself for missing you, because in the end; you left me.
You tell us that you will still be around, but I can see the lie dancing its way in the color of your brown eyes.
You didn't just leave him Amá, you left us too.
I have decided that all I can ever feel for you is anger, because if I did not feel the rage crushing waves weighing on top of my chest I know I would fall apart and melt into the sea.
I try to make sure that there is not a moment of space available inside of my mind, because I know if I let my head be empty, I know that the grief and loss of you would slip its way back into this body of mine that was left in shambles the day you decided to leave us all.
And even now, when I feel the pain that lives inside of my heart, I still feel guilty for being so angry at you, but then I begin to remember why.
It is because you left us, and you left all the broken pieces behind.
It was not just him you were leaving, Amá; it was us too.
I plan my day ahead of time, so that there are no opportunities for you to slip your way back into the caverns of the mind of mine that you broke in two.
Because I, am holding onto nothing but grass and leaves, for I am at the edge of the world trying to escape the grief and loss you have given me.
I sometimes cannot help but to think of you, or if at that same moment you are thinking of me, too.
I hate myself for missing you, because in the end; you left me.
You tell us that you will still be around, but I can see the lie dancing its way in the color of your brown eyes.
You didn't just leave him Amá, you left us too.
I have decided that all I can ever feel for you is anger, because if I did not feel the rage crushing waves weighing on top of my chest I know I would fall apart and melt into the sea.
I try to make sure that there is not a moment of space available inside of my mind, because I know if I let my head be empty, I know that the grief and loss of you would slip its way back into this body of mine that was left in shambles the day you decided to leave us all.
And even now, when I feel the pain that lives inside of my heart, I still feel guilty for being so angry at you, but then I begin to remember why.
It is because you left us, and you left all the broken pieces behind.
It was not just him you were leaving, Amá; it was us too.
Published 22nd Sep 2021
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 1
reads 230
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Jan 2022 12:16pm
