Advice to addicts trying to recover

Please submit old or new poems that offers insight or advice that may be useful that feels like the poem below/is in early recovery)

I hear my demons squealing,
as I tear them from their meaning,
Seemingly spinning my wheels,
The things that may kill me still have appeal.

They told me, "write what you feel,
Live in the moment as you begin to heal",
It is not like my mind is bursting a seal,
None of this shit feels real.

Nah, it all feels way too real,
I can barely stomach the meals,
that I used to fucking steal,
A disease of need has no ideals.

Just a shell of a body to swallow the pills,
Mind over matter i battle up hill,
as i try to rebuild my will to live,
I am ill and need to peace and to be still.

seven days of sobriety and I can't sleep,
anxiety in my dreams I see reality laughing at me,
Pick up the pieces and clean up my routine,
no vaccines I just need to be me and find a new scene.

I realize this may just be the beginning,
my insides hurt and my bell is ringing,
no telling how much more of myself i can take,
escaping the mistakes i made when i was just a fake,

I may take it all back in a flash,
the 100 drug dash i bet ass i wouldn't finish last,
but the whiplash now leaves me feeling like trash,
caught in the act now I must sit with the facts in my past.

Hello..my name is Jen and I am an alchoholic...

this is a short poem...written for my first and second step...Surrender


surrender

Comfort feels alien
I am lost from that place
I hold my heart
But not in body
My thoughts spin out to space
I cry God
Sing him loud
And I find my breathe like a breeze
I surrender to God
Give him self will
And all fear
Soon I know I find peace

i remember watching addicts and Alchoholics in AA and NA around me, happy and comfortable in their own skin...and found the will to Surrender to my disease...at the same time fully understanding what "God of my own understanding" meant to me.

That i was not alone in my ego...self will. There was absolutely something bigger than me...my addiction to narcotics and booze. Let these demons guide me to a lonely death? or a spiritual higher power....Surrender was my choice. I recently relapsed. it was short thanks to support...anyone ever in trouble...feel free to message me.

Great comp...this is not an entry ..just hope. Good luck every one! it can be done.....

And this. .the piece was about someone i loved dear leaving because i wouldnt put down a cheap bottle of Vodka. I was in horrific pain from it..knew, knew he would walk away permanently...chose the bottle.

Stay

I heard the whisper.  
My name.  
It was so low...wasn't meant to be uttered..  
Much less recieved.  
An escape of emotion..  
Unplanned.  
To have answered it,  
 
Well it would have been wrong.  
 
But God i wanted to cry out...
Oh God..  
Grieve out his name..  
I held so God damned tight!  
I held so hard on to mine.  
Gripped white knuckles streaked red  deep inside that pillow.  
Lips screwed painfully into..  
One another.  
Leaving my head..  
And heart.  
Winding wild Into storm.  
 
It took an eternity to hear the front door...  
Shut.  
Finally.  
Finality..  
Breaking suddenly me in two.  
And then came shaking wails.  
Moans so alone.  
Desperate..  
Utterly and infinite..  
Could not find the end of it....  
Or any release.. ......  
 
Echos and echos and echos of Fuck!!!  
 
How had had i become so easy to walk away from..so mother fucking hard to love?!
my name...  
Whispered?

deleted

Toxic heavy metals riddle my soul
depriving me of precious essential minerals
that one needs for bone, body, tissue and hair
dark a chemist you couldn't obtain freely
I cause your downfall and synthesise your misery

the OD's of your friends and your family
crippling addiction you have surely seen
prison time lost lives,, destroyer of dreams
I'm the devil's advocate I am the one you seek
hellbound the dark chemist destroyer of dreams

the fallen one and I stayed up for days
sinister equations written, that would rot and decay
murder and slay, rape, manipulate, and steal the sun from your days
isolate, turn your head inside out, and push your family away,

why do you think you only go out at night you fools?
why do you think your eyes dilate and hate the light? your used
why do you see so clearly and adapt in the darkness?!!
because hell watches and the devil spies thru you eyelids!!

remember when you were a kid and fucking innocent?
and your parents told you windows to your soul you fucking idiots

in hell we fucking laugh at you
we have to be invited
its gods rule
we hate it to
but what do you sad pathetic little lambs do.?
you come to us you stupid fucks,
you even call are soldiers up
we act like friends,
we say what's up how much you need its bomb as fuck
hahaha hahaha hahaha i pity you , I take your soul and burn it to.
I hand it down .and pass it thru the ranks, we molest, violate and abuse it to
for the hands who come to claim it are burned aged and scared beyond belief
my lord to me she is so sweet
the devils advocate she works thru me

HELLBOUND
am I the dark chemist I feed on your pathetic loss and misery
for once you have tasted the crystal scripture formulated in a chemical bath made with pain and ancient dark rituals.
I
HELLBOUND !! cloak your body in razor wire,
your MIND.
your BODY and meaningless SOUL
i have gained
work continues for i never sleep
and you..
pathic
useless
disgusting
humans
remain
futile
to me

Hey fellow addict....

If and when you decide
to make all your worlds collide
and just say no

Keep in mind
that it will be rough
detox and what not
you have to remain tough

You will need new rules
and new tools
to help you get through
the acceptance of
what will now be your life.

Rule number 1. Find new friends.
if you chose not to,
you're life will certainly end

Rule number 2. See rule number one
if you are serious about getting this shit done.

This aint no fairy tale
its much better than jail
and losing all that you love

Remember, you are never alone
theres always a phone
Go and make that call.
I will always answer and not let you fall

Great start!

NO THANK YOU CRACKER!

No Thankyou!  - two easy words to use
When the ice pipes offered to you,
Stay strong my friends, this poison you
Have to refuse.. No Thankyou!
Two simple little words. TRUE ?
This reply takes strength and courage
When the pipe is offered to you

All your friends are skaters
What the hell are you to do
You think you don't have a problem
It won't get hold of you
There's your first mistake my friend
Addicts don't care, of course they're
Gonna love you, of course they're
Gonna share. They want you in
Their scene,
"Hey, let's go get a point or two.. You keen?
No Thankyou, two easy words to stay clean

You think that you can dabble
You've got it under control, every
Weekend sucking on the pipe
That's how you roll
What you don't realise is ICE
Steals your soul
Repeat after me
NO THANKYOU
staying clean is a lifetime goal

Written by TinaLouise

All that Glitters...

She swills in dark ..
heart leaks the night into pounding morning head…
another day she walks the dead…
another sun exhausted by 10, tiresome lonely staring down her demons mocking..
Her only invited friends..
though cruel friends they are embraced …
by her martyrdom and self loathing costly, costly ways…
her expensive tastes forfeited as slave to the high..
or rather the chase…
rot gut replaced fine wine when
high escaped from her red knuckled grip that was once just an embrace..
out the bathroom window without so much as a wave..
Fuck You Cunt! he hollered…
while she lay face down in a Demon friend's cold empty lap ..
faded to black mid jiz swallow surrounded by a dozen or so of her little blue precious gems…
benzodiamonds…
they do glitter in her red laced R.E.M…

this is my entry...last one promise lol..

Ambien said it.

Hello, my name is nobody,

=> Hello nobody we are happy to meet you.

I am happy to be here and to share,
My experiences about drugs...

I do ambien.

.........Everybody laughs.

Do you know about ambien,
ambien, ambien, ambien.

Do you know what it is like
To be under it, it, it, it.

Give you 2 shit, so you can figure out the fashion meds.

Sitting alone on my bed,
No memories left.

It is time for breakfast,
Need to eat pills to wake up,

Once dead I will have to stop them.

They say do not take it longer than one month,
One year is addiction.

I am taking them over 10 years.

All drugs can be quitted,
But when you got something bad,

It is hard to quit them.

My mind is a mess everyday,
I cannot handle a job,

But they said it is a medication, it will make you feel better.

Then explain me why did i fuck my life like that,
I cannot sleep without them,

I cannot take a leak without them.

Ambien, alchool, xandthex, more junks,
In my mix it makes me feel a loser.

Wanna know more about this meds,

Doctor gives you them to make more money,
They take an extra for selling them,

They care nothing if is not needed.

I have too much to say,
But who cares.

Tomorrow i wont remember about this anyway.

And this shit, i used to write good poems,
Now i feel like did i really wrote that.

Better to die than living in this shit.

iron...definately not lauging....and you are right about Drs...benzo are the worst to quit ..
but it is done....no one is a better or worse...lesser or worse..addict.

good luck and prayers...

Back Lady T..been there....quit that...stay strong sista! love ya!!

Advice to self post apocalypse

first off
man the fuck up
and own your addiction
see it for what it is

a parasite invited


It'll not leave without a fight
so you'll have to remove yourself
from anything contaminated
friends, family, phone numbers
..home

focus on the end game
when you shit piss from your arse
and throw up at the same time
when you feel need to hack your legs off
cause it'd be easier
than dealing with the constant ache
day and night
when you'd rather smash your head off the wall
than go without sleep again

focus on something
which will boost your resolve

because you'll need it to be strong
when you can walk again
and there's money in your pocket

12 steps work for some
but it turns others into robots

some take to the booze

some find god

prepare yourself and be wary of yourself, because addiction is part of you and you know yourself better than anyone: limits, weakness' and there'll always be a part of you wants to drag you back down

The only thing with me is when I talk about my addiction struggles it makes me want to use

  (iv never been adicted to anything
but here is a little something)

     THis High
my arms begain to wrap around you
holding onto you tightly.
i place my head into your chest...
as my body lies to rest.
my knees grow week
my throught gets dry
unable to controle this high.
i take a swift again, then once more
loving like the devils whore.
my eyes get red, though im tired
i cant  sleep
aftermath i begane to weep..
as the days become weeks
i find myslf serching for my love
so sweet and satisfying i couldnt fight it..
its a crime..
weeks become months.
i struggle to recover..
recover my broken heart and shattered soul.
this hattred of evil has me at hold.
i fall, i cant stand.
needing my love to kiss my lips and feel
my mind.
lost in all i go blind.
know as months into years
i cant feel...what is real..
only my love i hold onto..
grepping tightly never letting go.
the pain still in my chest, and my body
feels cold and dry..
ill never let go not until i die...

-kumiko yamamoto