Poetry competition CLOSED 17th February 2016 11:24pm
WINNER
mysteriouslady
mysteriouslady
Advice to addicts trying to recover
Anonymous
Deleted
Anonymous
Before you reach for a bottle
Let me tell you what it means
to wake up with yellow headaches
your stomach lying next to you
congealing on the floor,
next to cold chinese
and a colder heart
that tries to block out
the whole fucking charade
let me tell you how it feels
to feel your veins burn
with malted kisses and acid refluxes
while your eyes and their dark halos
pray to a God who wasn't listening
last night when you wanted to die
and turned a cork in silent prayer.
Let me tell you the consequences
of pissing your last fiver away
against a backstreet alley wall,
against the same wall
that you'll fuck a nameless
faceless man who will take
your dignity before leaving you
to rot
and most of all, let me tell you
of the fall to earth in white rooms
when you wake up craving,
cold sweats and paranoia
crashing against your brain
in bitter waves
you'll never feel lips so dry.
Let me tell you what it means
to wake up with yellow headaches
your stomach lying next to you
congealing on the floor,
next to cold chinese
and a colder heart
that tries to block out
the whole fucking charade
let me tell you how it feels
to feel your veins burn
with malted kisses and acid refluxes
while your eyes and their dark halos
pray to a God who wasn't listening
last night when you wanted to die
and turned a cork in silent prayer.
Let me tell you the consequences
of pissing your last fiver away
against a backstreet alley wall,
against the same wall
that you'll fuck a nameless
faceless man who will take
your dignity before leaving you
to rot
and most of all, let me tell you
of the fall to earth in white rooms
when you wake up craving,
cold sweats and paranoia
crashing against your brain
in bitter waves
you'll never feel lips so dry.
Anonymous
Title: This is what addiction is about
I was young
but I was old
I was tired
but I was ready to go
That morning, I was unable to find a place to shower
and I realized that nothing would help me
except to ask for a higher power
and it was off to rehab, you see
A broken hand; I had to see x-ray before checking in
to the locked unit for a 30-day stay
I could not recall all of where I had been
those previous days, but I personally surrendered on that day
I could no longer give up control
to the bottle I drank from
nor could I make peace within my soul
without learning how to put down the drugs and the rum
Crying in the office, where I quietly sat
as nurses and patients walked by
I decided that morning that
to allow something greater in, involved someone teaching me how to try
I hid my face behind my long hair
and I was shaking all over
I wondered why everyone who saw me had a pitiful stare
It was because they too had to surrender in order to become clean and sober
With no family by my side, all of my secrets were now out there
and my shame was released
No longer would I do things that left my soul bare
Never again would I black out and wake up with lost teeth
With my hand bandaged and blood taken
I was brought to a room and told about the chores
"Fuck no, I'm not getting up at six!" I thought they were severely mistaken
I was sternly told that I most certainly would, and at all times, doors would be kept open
No sooner than I laid down, the voice on the speaker
announced; for all patients to report to the cafeteria
"Eat? What are these bitches thinking?" and I recall becoming weaker
After I got up, my roommate walked me to the eating area
The smells made my stomach sway
I had not eaten in a few days
My last partying binge started on a Thursday
and I came to on this Tuesday morning, in the park, face down, in a spinning haze
I went through the motions not knowing what for
but I could not taste a thing
I remember that there was no caffeine on the floor
and I desperately needed something
My head was throbbing; I wanted to die
and my body ached in agony
"Son of a bitch; no aspirin?" I thought that they must be high
I just wanted to sleep for a few days but was shown no pity
It was a Tuesday evening, and I was in desperate need of a shower
"What the hell did I do? I can't stay here"
With the promise of an AA meeting in an hour
I went to my room full of paranoia and fear
A doctor came in and said that I had THC and alcohol levels that were lethally high
I told him it was not unusual, because I smoked dope and drank every day
He said that he was amazed that I did not die
but I just looked down at the floor; I didn't know what to say
After a shower, my mind cleared a bit
and I remembered police and blue lights
Perhaps I did not walk in on my own, oh shit
Perhaps I hurt someone in one of my fights
The party had started in the park
and everyone had a paper bag with a bottle
After about two hours, we all took a walk
and did some coke; our buzzes in full throttle
Then, I remember going to a party
and there were kegs of beer all over the place
in plastic red cups; we were all partying hardy
We were, all shit-faced
I remember my hand felt worse and hurt quite a bit
Looking down at the bandage, I could not remember, damn
As I thought more about it
I remembered getting into some chick's van
And having the door slammed onto my hand
and the girl was laughing at me
I smacked her in the head, hard, and caused her to fall in the sand
Had I killed her? I remembered having to massively pee
Stupid cunt, she was laughing
So I pissed inside her van on the way to the party
I remember, because some dude was napping
She was a bitch and kind of snotty
"How the fuck did I get myself in rehab?"
Oh yeah, I didn't show up for work again
and instead I took a cab
from the police station
They gave me a choice, rehab or jail
because of mouthing off in the cruiser
the party got out of hand and the cops were called; it was not like I could produce any kind of bail
Now that I didn't have a job and was kind of a loser
"It is time to go to the meeting" my roommate said with a smile
I remember thinking that I hated her for saying that
and I mocked her on the way to the room, all the while
thinking, that the next 30 days were going to be a long strange trip and that was that
That was 1976, and I was nineteen years old
It was the first of three trips to rehab, for drinking and drugs
All three times, I failed, despite what I learned and was told
None of my family helped; there were no hugs
Now I wait, one day at a time
for my next slip; to see if I will survive
My binges are nasty and I always regret what I do
I am an old lady now, wishing I had smartened up the first time
All in all, I lost about ten years
I do not remember what happened in black outs
and I have been arrested and estranged from my peers
If any of this shocks you, prepare yourself; This is what addiction is about
I was young
but I was old
I was tired
but I was ready to go
That morning, I was unable to find a place to shower
and I realized that nothing would help me
except to ask for a higher power
and it was off to rehab, you see
A broken hand; I had to see x-ray before checking in
to the locked unit for a 30-day stay
I could not recall all of where I had been
those previous days, but I personally surrendered on that day
I could no longer give up control
to the bottle I drank from
nor could I make peace within my soul
without learning how to put down the drugs and the rum
Crying in the office, where I quietly sat
as nurses and patients walked by
I decided that morning that
to allow something greater in, involved someone teaching me how to try
I hid my face behind my long hair
and I was shaking all over
I wondered why everyone who saw me had a pitiful stare
It was because they too had to surrender in order to become clean and sober
With no family by my side, all of my secrets were now out there
and my shame was released
No longer would I do things that left my soul bare
Never again would I black out and wake up with lost teeth
With my hand bandaged and blood taken
I was brought to a room and told about the chores
"Fuck no, I'm not getting up at six!" I thought they were severely mistaken
I was sternly told that I most certainly would, and at all times, doors would be kept open
No sooner than I laid down, the voice on the speaker
announced; for all patients to report to the cafeteria
"Eat? What are these bitches thinking?" and I recall becoming weaker
After I got up, my roommate walked me to the eating area
The smells made my stomach sway
I had not eaten in a few days
My last partying binge started on a Thursday
and I came to on this Tuesday morning, in the park, face down, in a spinning haze
I went through the motions not knowing what for
but I could not taste a thing
I remember that there was no caffeine on the floor
and I desperately needed something
My head was throbbing; I wanted to die
and my body ached in agony
"Son of a bitch; no aspirin?" I thought that they must be high
I just wanted to sleep for a few days but was shown no pity
It was a Tuesday evening, and I was in desperate need of a shower
"What the hell did I do? I can't stay here"
With the promise of an AA meeting in an hour
I went to my room full of paranoia and fear
A doctor came in and said that I had THC and alcohol levels that were lethally high
I told him it was not unusual, because I smoked dope and drank every day
He said that he was amazed that I did not die
but I just looked down at the floor; I didn't know what to say
After a shower, my mind cleared a bit
and I remembered police and blue lights
Perhaps I did not walk in on my own, oh shit
Perhaps I hurt someone in one of my fights
The party had started in the park
and everyone had a paper bag with a bottle
After about two hours, we all took a walk
and did some coke; our buzzes in full throttle
Then, I remember going to a party
and there were kegs of beer all over the place
in plastic red cups; we were all partying hardy
We were, all shit-faced
I remember my hand felt worse and hurt quite a bit
Looking down at the bandage, I could not remember, damn
As I thought more about it
I remembered getting into some chick's van
And having the door slammed onto my hand
and the girl was laughing at me
I smacked her in the head, hard, and caused her to fall in the sand
Had I killed her? I remembered having to massively pee
Stupid cunt, she was laughing
So I pissed inside her van on the way to the party
I remember, because some dude was napping
She was a bitch and kind of snotty
"How the fuck did I get myself in rehab?"
Oh yeah, I didn't show up for work again
and instead I took a cab
from the police station
They gave me a choice, rehab or jail
because of mouthing off in the cruiser
the party got out of hand and the cops were called; it was not like I could produce any kind of bail
Now that I didn't have a job and was kind of a loser
"It is time to go to the meeting" my roommate said with a smile
I remember thinking that I hated her for saying that
and I mocked her on the way to the room, all the while
thinking, that the next 30 days were going to be a long strange trip and that was that
That was 1976, and I was nineteen years old
It was the first of three trips to rehab, for drinking and drugs
All three times, I failed, despite what I learned and was told
None of my family helped; there were no hugs
Now I wait, one day at a time
for my next slip; to see if I will survive
My binges are nasty and I always regret what I do
I am an old lady now, wishing I had smartened up the first time
All in all, I lost about ten years
I do not remember what happened in black outs
and I have been arrested and estranged from my peers
If any of this shocks you, prepare yourself; This is what addiction is about
Haiku/Senryu Renga: STEPPING
1
I'm a helpless drunk
wearing a vomit necktie
my latest fashion
2
mirror shows problems
the obvious solution
power, I have none
3
parked at the crossroad
with God as my copilot
I’d better change seats
4
writing it all out
inventory’s never fun
all mine, no cheating
5
gotta tell someone
God knows, a good friend should too
who am I, really?
6
what a dick I’ve been
a monumental a-hole
better get better
7
OK, I’m a dick
not knowing another way
can You spare some change?
8
who haven’t I screwed?
probably a shorter list
I’ll need more paper
9
sorry means nothing
actions speaking much louder
hey, let me fix that
10
mistakes will happen,
today unfolds, right and wrong
clean up on aisle three
11
praying constantly
meditating, answers come
sentences reprieved
12
fully awakened
giving freely what I find
practice required
13
simplest ideas
meetings, sponsor, steps, service
“first drinks” will kill you
Author's Note:
hello, my name is geoff and I'm an alcoholic, my sobriety date is September 18, 2005... keep coming back...
1
I'm a helpless drunk
wearing a vomit necktie
my latest fashion
2
mirror shows problems
the obvious solution
power, I have none
3
parked at the crossroad
with God as my copilot
I’d better change seats
4
writing it all out
inventory’s never fun
all mine, no cheating
5
gotta tell someone
God knows, a good friend should too
who am I, really?
6
what a dick I’ve been
a monumental a-hole
better get better
7
OK, I’m a dick
not knowing another way
can You spare some change?
8
who haven’t I screwed?
probably a shorter list
I’ll need more paper
9
sorry means nothing
actions speaking much louder
hey, let me fix that
10
mistakes will happen,
today unfolds, right and wrong
clean up on aisle three
11
praying constantly
meditating, answers come
sentences reprieved
12
fully awakened
giving freely what I find
practice required
13
simplest ideas
meetings, sponsor, steps, service
“first drinks” will kill you
Author's Note:
hello, my name is geoff and I'm an alcoholic, my sobriety date is September 18, 2005... keep coming back...
Once our consciousness rises above the pestering voice that dictates our lives. We can look inward, to heal then reassemble all the previous beliefs within which we knew and sought comfort in. Only to complete a incredible prototype that we buried for so long. That voice may sound something like this....What the hell is going on with you? Why are you choosing to hide from me? I really don't appreciate you being so distant, it's been 16 days without you, I fuckin miss you! I know damn well you're missing me. You know those people can't help you babe. I'm the one that helps you. You spent 29 days over there last time. It took only what, 3 days for you came back running to me? Yeah I knew you would, you can't live without me, can't you see that.? Can't you just realize now that you're being brainwashed at this so called rehab? I know you haven't stopped thinking about, me how could you? We were so close, I can only imagine how much your body must be craving me right now. It feels so good when we're together. .. You know we have so much fun throughout the day getting into all sorts of shit. Don't listen to what everyone's saying! They don't understand our relationship... How could they? It's one that only we've experienced together. Sop telling yourself you have a problem! You can't actually be falling for that bullshit? Babe, deep down inside you know that you don't need this time to make you smile again. I helped you do that? When you can't deal with the world I'm there, taking away that pain. no matter the circumstance. So admit your lying to yourself, once you do we can be together again. Come home love! I miss our drives together,the rides we'd take. I was free for you to have, you always chose to indulge in me. You know you loved the way I took you put if this world. What's wrong with wanting to escape for a while? Oh and the blackouts you're complaining about, why all of a sudden now? You never cared before why now? You live for that, if you didn't black out you knew you would have to find me, just to just to complete your night.. Come on baby... don't try and part ways with me. Shoot, even if you do try, do you really think you'll be able to keep me out of your head? I sure as hell don't. We've been together so long, I know you're dependent on me. I'm actually getting a kick out of this, you left me once, but you'll come back to me quick enough, just as expected. You don't have the strength to let me go! I think you know that already. So, if you really think you can part ways with me I'll let you go ahead and try. "Trying" to get rid of me will be the only thing you do for a while... I'm pretty confident with myself to know that you can't live without me I sure can't stand to be without you. Go ahead love, test the waters. I'm not worried, soon my baby girl will be back in my arms again. I love you sweetheart, I can't wait to be with you again. Just remember I'll always right there when you need me. Always, take care for now, i know I'll be seeing you very soon.
Great Comp! thank you for it...
Congrats Miki and Primo darlin...just wonderful pieces...
And congrats to everyone taking on this battle and helping others by opening up here! Stay strong and remember the worst of your days sober are better than the best of your using...
love and peace to you all...
Congrats Miki and Primo darlin...just wonderful pieces...
And congrats to everyone taking on this battle and helping others by opening up here! Stay strong and remember the worst of your days sober are better than the best of your using...
love and peace to you all...
