Published On My Pain

No obscene language and it must be a poem and not prose.

why I write

Its hard for me to express how I'm feeling So I pick up my pen and as my emotions hit the page I began to write
And I write for that little girl 16 years old who's story went untold of how she lost her innocence behind the green house that night I write for her because she losther voice when he tookawayher choice To remain innocent. So night after night with tears in my eyes I would write,andpray Write with a depressed heart filled with ache Praying to God my soul he should take 16 years old with a gift the product of rape. Asking God for clarification as to why did he choose my wombto become a tomb, The final resting place for innocence, virtue and love. I learned to write through my pain Dance during the sunshineandwrite during the rain See the reason I write is not foryour enjoyment, For you to be enlightened,amusedor inspired not even to be called a poet Or for this to be called poetryI simply write for therapy.

ADAMANTINOMA

Transparent shackles bound tight.
Fused with emotional movement.
Florescent words,dimmed to ambient reflections.
The ghost in the yellow distance,mocks each painful step.

A parasite in the matrix of my soul.
Amber aura crystalline,deafening octaves into statue.
The demon latches...Infected syringes.
Metallic static cools the bloodstream.

Nano hope hardens a chemical reaction,
under the microscope connected to my third eye.
Negative energetic collapse of another failed plan.
Echos of regret,create dense plasmatic fluids.

God stays engraved on a heart of scar tissue.
Alone and confused,my flesh blends with the bleached hospital atmosphere.
Humming machines,vibrate any ounce of life.
Drugs numb the dripping rhythm,of what comes after cancer..

(Hopefully you can look past two teeny curse words)

Atramentous

Endless
 
This wall-less maze in which there is
no sense of direction
 
Whether I am
 
falling
drifting
rising
or
simply stationary
 
I do not know
And I might have stopped caring
 
Lost is not the correct word for what I'm feeling
There seems to be a much better suited word out there
 
Describing such a catastrophic predicament
with finesse and bitter resolve  
 
Fucked
 
Yes, I think that only crisp profanity
could save my sanity
 
If I had any left
 
I feel claustrophobic in this suit
though it is the only thing protecting me
 
My exoskeleton
grey in color
ribbed with metal reinforcement
My oxygen humming on my back
 
I imagine it would be humming
a melodic answer to my own humming
 
But I hear nothing
 
It's as if my ears are filled with gauze
 
Contradictory to my constriction
I've never felt so exposed
lonely and small
 
Space
Atramentous and forbidding
Absolute darkness
 
shrouding me in a cloak of anonymity
 
I am reduced to nothing
insignificance
 
Not even the stars
distant and twinkling
light my path back home
 
Home
A place I took for granted
Hell, I still do
 
Witnessing Space
Even dying in Space
 
will be more exhilarating
than anything I could have accomplished back home
 
my life had been more or less failure
 
Tragedy
 
Alcohol-drenched nights
drugs raping my senses
 
Pathetically clinging to the false hope
that purpose would find me
 
Now look at me
 
Surrounded by stars
Not the stars you see from Earth
 
but real stars
more brilliant and clear than I think I've earned the right
to gaze upon their terrible beauty
 
Indifferent to my problems though they are
 
The small comfort that they give
isn't nearly enough to quell my unease
 
I look beneath me
only to see un-ending chasm  
to all sides
abysmal depths of the Universe
 
I can't help but wonder
what if Space had gravity?
 
Would I fall?
 
Into a Black Hole?
 
I worry myself with these thoughts
cannibalizing my brain
fear taking hold
 
Though I know
inside
I will be dead soon regardless
 
I know they're not looking for me
 
There would be no point
When it's not just a matter of three dimensions
But eleven?
 
I can't even comprehend that
Eleven dimensions
 
If I could have one more drink
steady my growing hunger
 
the burn of acidic bile growing in my throat
 
I wonder how long it will take
Dying in Space
 
"The Final Frontier"
 
The final chapter of my life
 
Written eloquently in the hand of a
Cold-hearted Bitch
 
My chest aches
Suffocation has slowly begun
 
Taking it's damn time
poisoning me little by little
With my own exhaled breath
 
I gaze upon the mystery of Space
 
I want to make sure that I take it all in
This unforeseen treasure
As I die
 
drifting into nothing
 

☾ A Hollow Existence ☽



one day you will find a letter
a crumpled piece of tattered parchment
stained with the tears and blood
that flow freely from my soul

i have given in
to losing all hope
i have surrendered all
to the cruel hands of time

it is so hard to see
the face that looks back at me
a mirrored image of aging time
draining the youth from flesh and eyes

at times it is so hard to understand
the darkness that is killing me
a slow captivating death
collapsing my vitality

my hands have lost their substance
my pen has lost its flow
my words slowly lose meaning
reshaped and discarded before my eyes

i am always shaking
thinning as my bones begin to show
i have entered a calming numbing sensation
as i slowly fade from the light of day

A Moment In Time

The electricity shut off  
in the darkened apartment  
roaches scuttling here and there  
a poignant reminder  
that the lady of the house    
has long since checked out.  
   
Hungry she goes to the fridge  
once, twice, three times  
just to get lost in her mind.  
   
Stripped of her family and dignity  
she removes her clothing and steps outside  
rubs herself in mud hoping this will cleanse her.  
   
Finally the men in white come and take her away  
strap her to a table as she screams obscenties  
as she struggles against her restraints  
screaming to both heaven and hell to anyone who will hear her.  
   
Poison dripping in her veins  
she flows in and out of consciousness  
later she is released to the ward  
where she is warned the walls have ears.  
   
She has dreams of her family    
just awaiting her release  
as she starts to come out of the haze  
she completely shuts down knowing this is only a dream.  
   
Just wanting to go home and find her family whole  
only to be released to find it in pieces  
insanity no longer a place to shelter  
this is a moment in time in the life of a schizophrenic.  
   

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Thanks for entering. Nice piece. Love the ending. At the end of the month we'll see.

Thanks for entering. This is very interesting. That's a fact so many have to face daily. At the end of the month we'll see.

J. I am almost crying. Wow. Thanks for entering. At the end of the month we'll see.

Thank you for entering. At the end of the month we'll see. Write on! Rock on!

Thanks for your entry love. At the end of the month we'll see. Continue writing. :)

Thanks for your entry hun. See ya at the end of the month. xo