first love

-Heartache-

You lied to me,
You played with my heart.
You said you hated him,
He treated you in evil ways.

Now you tell me it was all a lie,
In fact hes your boyfriend.
You stole my heart,
Then you crushed it.

You asked me why i didnt trust you,
I said i did.
Big mistake,
Look what it got me.

I tried to keep you,
From hurting yourself.
It looks like you would,
Rather hurt me.

Do you know how much,
I loved you?
Do you have any fucking idea,
How hard I'm crying?

You said you dont want,
Me no more.
You do what I dont like,
So i wont talk to you.

You make my heartache,
You are squeezing my insides.
To a pulp,
From eleven and a half hours away.

I love you after,
All this shit.
All this shit,
You have done to me.

You told me you hated,
Jerks.
So I was myself,
I respected you,
Cared for you,
Loved you,
Now you tell me i'm to nice.

I ask you to have,
A nice life.
You tell me you won't,
What am i supposed to do?


You love playing twith my emotions,
It causes me heartache.

-Thank You-

you hurt me and hurt me
i tried to be there for you as much as i could
i cared for you
i loved you
but it seems all you could do was mess with my heart
and spit in my face

i wished that i was dead
i wish that i had never met you
maybe that way i would be in so much pain
god this life sucks

but now i am kind of glad you hurt me like this
now i have a better out look on life and i see the evil in it
not just the good that hides the bad
i refused to be fooled again

thank you for your torture on my soul
it helped me see the truth
it has allowed me to see what is important in this world
i will full fill what i want in this life
so that i will have no regrets in the afterlife
thank you

i gave her a dandelion.
told her she had nice freckles.

and she smiled.
and my heart blew away.

EAST INDIAN WEST INDIAN

Raj, you came to me
in a dream
You were tall and thin and young
barely 21
Alone
many miles from home
but the home was not India
it was Port of Spain

We were a melange
of Trinidad and Tobago
in the lab
at McGill
Raunchy, rowdy, laughing
All different, yet the same
Colonized by Britain
English our common tongue

Do you remember
How cold you were
in December
and how we huddled
together
With my warmth
and my northern roots
heating you
with your equatorial blood

I met your parents
You met mine
Your father-tall and dignified
Your mother in a sari
Five thousand years of civilization
could not be erased
You met my mother
Who thought you ideal
if not in the right package

So there was to be
no Hindu marriage ceremony for me
Years later
The invitation to yours was in my mail
But I had also married what
My parents wanted

We had much in common
Despite the differences
An Indian Diaspora
Leaving a caste-ridden country
One ruled by the great colonizers
Who still colonized us

I still see your black eyes and hair
The sheen of your chocolate skin
The way you held me
The goals we had

I wonder how you are
and if life treated you fairly
You wanted to be a physician
So did I
But I failed
Did you?

What becomes of the ones we love
Who we never see again
They haunt our hearts
They haunt our dreams
And leave us feeling ashamed
For wanting you 40 years later
I feel disloyal to my current love
Who has been so good to me
But way back then
I could not forsee
The good I was going to get
I only saw
What I had lost
And lived for years
In regret....

Love Blossoms

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I think I like you
Do you like me too?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You love me
I love you too

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My heart is crushed
All because of you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You toyed with my heart
Don't even start
Love Blossoms

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You still love me
But I don't love you

mom

legs open
arms bare
drenched in her glare
dressed by the warmest smile

love was here

...and never left since
a while ago
an empty call
muffled air
hanging
longing
for deep despair

Goodbye Sweetness

Its not funny, Though it is
The person your trying to help shows you the bliss,
So your thrown again into a flurry of trips,
Visual aids to make your coming day a lot more painful.
It's not sad, It's egregious, sarcastic, It's a joke.
It's always a joke, I know when I hear a joke,
But I didn't laugh,
Stricken by the memories of the one girl I fell for.
It makes me weak, Helpless and worn,
Her bleeding heart, Upon me, Scorn's.
Dead to emotion, Black as night,
This heart died that day, In spite,
Like a tired old man, To die, Pleads,
How can I see you when you cannot see me?
I loved you once, More than I hated myself,
But you let me go, You'd rather be with someone else.

Now you come back saying you wanna be friends,
But I don't see why you'd come right back to me.
You're not that desperate, You never were,
I don't love you anymore, You're as good as dead to me,
Demons of my past feeding off my misery,
I've stopped running from you,
I don't see you anymore than you see me,
I've blinded myself to all your trickery,
You reached into my heart and ripped it apart,
I will never heal, Never again from your explicit art.

The ambiguity of you, Has scarred me forever,
Change is something I fear now,
Its been too long,
I've forgotten the taste of your lips,
The soft and wet of your tongue,
The smooth of your back,
The bite of your teeth,
And the edge of your nails,
I miss you, But I hate you enough to not.
Ridden with guilt and sadness, I sulked in silence,
Regretting something I never wanted,
You were still on my mind.
The blur of my spontaneous life wouldn't let you go,
A hundred girls later you were still fresh in my mind.
But now I'm in love again. And I can't have her.
She wont see me and it pains me to let her go.
You have faded away.
I feel you no more.

http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/39507-goodbye-sweetness/

Safe Harbor

I dreamt again of you last night while my wife slept peacefully beside me
We were back in college all those years ago but reuniting after all these years
 
You take my hand and lead me to the abandoned field by the football stadium
Under the starlit sky we embrace again peeling off our clothes to the symphony of the crickets
 
Our lovemaking is simple, young, and innocent
Hearts racing, kissing till our lips become raw
 
As my preference, you cum first and I watch you become swept up in a wave of ecstacy
Then you began pinching my nipples the way I love you too, starting soft and then crushing them like a vice
 
Leaning down I kiss you, feeling my mouth begin to water
Finally the sweet release as I spill myself into you
 
Lying back on the grass, you put your head on my chest
Playing mindlessly with my chest hairs
 
"Do you feel better?" you ask
"Yes, Lynn, yes I do" I reply
 
"You know we can't stay ..." you whisper as I feel your soft breath
I nod my head, knowing that it is time again
 
That is when I wake up and realize where I am
Partly amazed at how real it all felt, partly ashamed of my  
dreamworld infidelity
 
As I study this recurring dream I have come to understand
My retreats to you are not an aching longing to be with you again
 
No, my pilgrimage is a way to escape the stress and strain of today
Retreating to a safe harbor where I felt secure and comfortable
 
Quitely I snuggle up to my wife, listening to her deep breathing
Kissing her softly on the back of her head

"The Gold Digger and Her Nincompoop"

It’s ancient history, but      
the sting still burns.    
Guess it was how      
I had to learn.    
Bruised hearts can take a      
lifetime to mend, if ever.    
This deep pain is      
going to last forever.    
First sight love happens;      
she truly was the      
apple of my eye.    
And, I’m still      
wondering why?    
From the moment    
I      
first      
saw      
her    
I    
just    
knew.    
It was quite shocking, so true.    
I was breathless.    
She was alluring.    
We were both enraptured, captured.    
Our journey began that instant.    
But sadly these days,      
my story seems rather distant.    
All I can say is    
we both fell hard that day.    
No heart attacks, we did not look back.    
Each second, hour, day, month, and      
year we spent    
was rather grand.      
Even when we just lay down in white sand.    
We had our ups and downs.    
I was such a clown.    
She never wore a frown.    
We weathered each storm,      
enjoyed each summit.    
And, now I’m  still thinking.      
What happened? God dammit!    
We shared so much.    
We were really in touch.    
Intimate moments of splendor, grandeur.    
We had our lives planned together for sure.    
We both wanted so much more.    
Bodies meshed, it was heavenly.    
We constantly shared our love    
daily and nightly.    
Our minds intertwined.    
We lived, we dined, and had good red wine.    
Wasn’t long before I knew,    
this true love had to be my bride.    
I was not going to run and hide.    
This was going to be done just right.    
Neither one of us would put up a fight.    
Asked her Daddy, if it was okay.    
“Yes my Son” was all he had to say.    
W were certainly now on our way.    
It was a sunny, sunny day and      
we had to play.    
Jet-set crowd, what a sound,      
shout out loud,    
we were California bound.    
My eyes would always mist.    
We were never hit or miss.    
She was my chocolate kiss.    
Surely, it was going to be      
wedded bliss.    
Not.    
What the fuck?    
My bad luck!!!    
She met another guy.    
Never had the guts or      
courage to tell me    
eye to eye, why.    
I just cried.    
He was      
older,    
wiser,    
richer.    
I would never ditch her.    
It wasn’t cool,      
I was a total fool.    
My God Digger,      
my little bird    
had flown the coop.    
Left me standing      
all alone.    
A brokenhearted big      
dumb nincompoop.    
That’s the scoop.    
Now, I’m still trying      
to re-group,      
wallowing in my      
chicken      
soup.    
Never again      
will I be      
so    
duped.

Piece by Piece

My first love?
A girl she was.
Tore my heart out.

Piece
By
Piece

But I came back
Whenever she called
Tried to stitch myself up

Piece
By
Piece

It's been three years
Since we've seen one another
She'll just rip me apart again

Piece
By aching
Piece

Her hair was a rich shade of raven black. It flowed in waves to adorn her glowing, porcelain-like skin. Her

eyes, framed by long lashes, were a dark brown and seemed to brighten the world. A straight nose, full lips

she seemed the picture of perfection. Had she smiled, the world would sigh with contentment. Had she

laughed, the world would laugh with her. And had she wept, the whole world would want to comfort her...

HE
He made my soul hush...and stand still
at the valley of my heart.
As I watched him gracefully and royally...
move swiftly and silently...
as if his totem spirit was a panther
I skipped breathes hoping that he would,
and would not see me
all at the same time....
Thoughts frozen as he walked by and smiled....
I sighed....and instantly wished that I could be...
His favorite thing...
and with this thought barely out of my mind I turned
around to steal one last glance...only to find
His eyes....finding mine.
He moved like a secret being told to a child
as he approached me....he smiled
as all my girlfriends giggled and nudged me
I was immediately...and irreversibly  in love.
"Hey"... he chimed at me and I could not speak
as my name suddenly took flight from my mind
so instead of telling him who I was I simply said "Uuh.., Im fine!"
As we both started laughing my being became more alive
As I looked into the eyes... Of the Father of my first born child.