mad house

do whatever you want as long as it follows the general description its good

a kind of magic

Arise! he said
in a tone of voice
like he was trying
to raise a dead relative

the lightening
that forked the sky
was purely coincidental
but he didn't see it that way


arise! he said again
this time his eyes widened
and he laughed
like a deranged madman
when he saw the result
of the little blue tablet

then he went quickly
into the room
where the whore lay waiting
and worked his magic
on her  

Last words of a dying bigot

"well, death you son of a whore,
you play a good game
you were always destined to win of course
but i figured i'd outrun you a little bit more

if i were stronger
I would never have met that delegation
from 'The true salvation' that you sent
when my head was full of morphine.
I'd rather burn in hell
than spend eternity in the company
of their hypocrite's fraternity
wearing a pair faggot fairy wings


know this, death,
you great lump of rancid placenta
you will have to prize life out of my cold dead hands
and yes i fully understand that you hold my wife
good luck with dealing
with that mountain of festering strife

what do you want you little bastards!
get away from me!
do you think i can't see
yous'e floating around me and chattering about me!
I should roll up a paper and squash yous'e to a wall..

Jesus! get the fuck out my house,
there are no souls for you here ! you hear?
and take that army of smurfs with you
they are polluting my ears,
and you can fuck off too Elvis!
you and your gyrating pelvis"

The Private Dancer

A string of words
A bowl of worms
Gentle mist from little cups
Breakfast at the terrace
That's dawn's sweet start

A hundred voices
Buzzing of bees
Coaxing tiny needles
Penetrating my consciousness
Is when the foggy day begins

I sit here unmoving
My legs slowly dying
My head is swelling
My lips keep smiling
As I dance unseen

Within the maze
I do the waltz
To music that amaze
With princesses and prince
I dance, in joy

Look.. There are spiders..

Oh the curtains are
so pretty..
Little itty bitty
spiders on em' .

I like spiders..

They like to crawl up
from behind
and
whisper times
that I
committed crimes..
As they
climb the walls..

Will there be spiders
in my room?
/tomb
/womb
It's where they
consume me.

What about dinner..
Do sinners eat separately?

That fucking doctor
He's still alive?
"All I need
is my fucking pills!"
What?  3B?  
Fucking Eat Me!
What are you doing?
Get off me!

Wake up
Time for coffee and vitals
Vitals?  
The Devil is my fucking Idol!
I just need my pills
They help heal the wil
of the thrill to kill!

Look hunny
Just a little pin prick.

There now
Doesn't that feel better?

Shhhhhhhhh.
Just breathe.
Breathe..

Hush little baby
don't you cry ...

But I

I

I just need my pills.

Just a little bit crazy

The first they do, is take off my shoe
And steal my belts, what the fuck?
They put me in white clothing, and lock me in a room
With open windows and special people like me.
Everyday we go outside for 20 minutes and i bask in the sun, so warm.
Its not till im there for a week when the dark things come back.
They creep through barred windows and under closed doors.
Sharp silver claws reach towards me when im asleep for those rare moments.
And they steal my dreams, leaving all the nightmares.
When its daytime they take me to an art class in a special room with non-toxic paint.
The people say, paint , paint what you like or what makes you scared.
I am lost in a daze for quite a while when i realize ive used up all the black, grey and red.
Screams echo everywhere, i cover my ears but then i remember these sounds come from me.
The painting is horrible, im lost in the darkness and cool hands grab me from everwhere.
A pinprick in my arm and suddenly im very tired, my limbs go limp and weak my eyelids droop.
I rather like this sleepiness, i think as i succumb to emptiness.



*sorry for the incorrect spelling and grammer.

This padded rooms got me questioning my mental health,
perhaps the zooming sounds in my head,
constantly is what this is all about.
hopefully the doctor wrote me a note for the no show,
guarantee i know how its all gonna go though,
"hell no you cant come back do you even know where your fucking heads at?
let me guess, nevermind dont answer that",
footsteps across the hall, for a second,
sounded like a whimpered call. At my dismay ,
i hear the doctor say,
"Welcome to Pastor Falls,
manufactured many years ago,
a place for fractured souls,  

 
with a low success rate and no funding
...there's no such thing as miracles."
My head runs down the padded white wall,
into my hands where I can see nothing at all.
Visions start to enthrall,
the room starts to get small then appears a man standing about 7 foot tall.
He looks down and says "Why are you in such a glum mood, my old friend?"
I look up "I've lost my mind and i've broken my pen."
"I'll make a deal with you,
for your child's soul you can have everlasting ink."
It was done, didn't even give me any time to think.
In a flash, he was gone and left me with my pen,
but I never did get to see the shadow man again.

The screams softened over the years,
I let go of some tears, but nothing could stop my inevitable fears,
he had returned, not in physical form that image had been burned,
but in a psychological form that the demon had earned,
hiding behind the twinkle in my eyes, manipulating my tongue to produce lies,
it was obvious that he was using me as a disguise,
this demon would seek nothing but my demise,
as he produced lightning and thunder from the skys,
destroying everything in its path no matter the size,
that's when I realized, sleep paralysis paralyzed,
that I subconsciously gave into this demons bag of lies.

Over the time of his mediation,
hibernation or maybe the medication,
Something changed,
I grew up over the years mentally and emotionally as a mental patient,
as i count down the days of my release,
this disease of manifestation so to speak has grown,
weak or so they think, he has grown weekly is more the way i feel...
If I learned anything in this ordeal...
you can't fix whats totally broken...
and always keep your lips sealed,
when being spoken to by this inner demon..
oh how I cant wait to start the...screaming....
Just a few more days...I'll be leaving...

Schizophrenia

The agitation, anxiety a combustable thing
All these voices clamouring in my brain.
 
Seeing coded messages in every word
The t.v people talking to me, I obess though I know this is absurd.
 
Flipping off the cameras, i'm sure are planted in my place
Begging and pleading with them to reveal themselves or get out of my space.
 
To venture in public, a terrifying idea
Wondering which friendly smile is a demon in disguise,
So back to my house I run and hide.
 
Taking my meds hoping this one will be my magic pill
Hoping finally, one of them will make my voices still.
 
The agitation growing out of control
Friends and family turned into demons, come to steal my soul.
 
Off to to the hospitol dragged in chains
Terrified they are aliens come to pick my brain.
 
Drugged to the point i'm running into walls
Locked in a cell, no parole, no escape
When from this nightmare will I finally awake?
 
Afraid one day my family will give up on me
Alone on the streets screaming at the sky
Would be my end.
 
Schizophrenia, what a hand to be dealt
I'm grateful to my family, on me they haven't bailed out.
 
They calm and comfort me, no matter how ill
Crazy as can be they love me still.
 
I will find a way to learn on this journey, this trip
I won't let darkness, take me in it's grip.
 
I will learn to fly with my broken wings
Learn to make schizophrenia work for me.


 

Time

Time is a valuable thing  
But come see it through  
An insane person's brain.
 
 
First minute in the mental institution
"Come Crimsin take your meds"
"It's your only solution".
 
 
"No I say"
With much resolve
Then no cig. for you move it along.
 
 
"Wait I cry, i'll take your pill"
Anxiety growing  
Only a cig. will still.
 
 
Checked onto the ward an hour later
Looking to the clock
Not believing I have to stay here.
 
 
They bring me to the wall
Introduce me to time
We are the wards of the clock.
 
 
If you ever want
To see light again
Step in line.
 
 
Stomach grumbling, I look to the clock
He mocks me with his tic tocking
Lunch isn't until 1 o'clock.
 
 
Searching for a person of interest
To pass the time with but to no avail
Each trapped in their own time hell.
 
 
Hooray it's cig. time again
I get to go outside
Time is finally back on my side.
 
 
Time is up, inside we go
Click goes the metal
Back behind a locked door.
 
 
Only three more hours until dinner
Nighttime is almost here
Please time don't slow down or stop while i'm here.
 
 
Anxiety growing, I make a dash for the door
Crimsin it's time you meet our box
Come take a tour.
 
 
Time stops here and leaves me adrift
For the rest of the world I no longer exist
Locked in the Marie Greenery as part of the scenery.
 
 
I've learned my lesson
The door swings open
Time has taken me back into it's bossom.

It was going to be fun, they said,
Come with us, they said,
Well how does it feel,
To be bound to a bed?

Flickering lights that mutate into eyes,
Bright yellow and green stare from above,
As they transport me atop a bloodied cart,
Claw like things grab me as they stab me with darts.

These voices speak nonsense,
What i hear from shadows in white,
"I'm safe in my padded room"
How can i be if those bats take flight?

They called this a room?
Made of living flesh,
With demons that lurked in all corners,
With the letters A.S.Y.L.U.M marked on their chest.

They wanted me dead,
Because I can see what they can't,
They flood me with electricity,
The more i tried to rant.

They summon slimy things,
That feed on my black blood,
That make me dizzy at times,
And makes my body melt into mud.

They toss me back to 'my room',
They laugh when i lick at the veins,
That protrude and spread out,
That make the lights start to fade.

Been saving up my pills
us kep um under me tongue see
and us get sich awful chills
aint never see what i see

us keeps opening up me vein
and us dunt know how us did it
heard a screaming of a train
the walls drip of what us writ

us aint safe here no us is not
safe in this crazy place -
nor out there neither, us's got
to try find jesus mazin grace

Teeny tiny everythings
Beds with straps
Waiting for that big blue thing
Above my head to fall,
And I scream while wait,
The people
Don't like it when I scream
Don't like it when I say things
Like tommorow You will die
I like it when
They give me colors, and I can make
Them do whatever I want on a big white square
The people take my pictures away
And study them,
The talk about my colors,
Some times I get bored
And my feet get cold
Because they don't like my
Shoes very much
They take 'em away
On the very first day
A lot of times
I go loopy
And the voices in my head
Make me say things
Under my breath
The voices make me kill things,
Little animals and sometimes people
But everything gets okay,
When the special people
Give me candy
And some water.