Loved and lost.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson


He's right, love loss leads to great writings. (:

Torque

I am looking,
digging
overturning long dead clues

to find the source map
of your soul.

Maybe it ashed into oblivion
when the library burned at Alexandria.

Faltering,
when the dawn breaks into darkness,
wondering if the torque
is contiguous to my own.

All greatness
has fragmented pieces-
even mighty calculus
only equates to pebbles;

but I am not a math problem,
and you cannot scratch me
across your black board
with ragged nails and broken chalk.

Maybe at Cholula
the past sill speaks with passion,
and the sands
will divvy up the man made mountain,
replacing cooling blood.

My own poisonous words
arrive full circle
pelting me with loam:
Proud that bladed scar is mine,
ashamed it cut so deep.

Can we post olds?  I have a winner for this one, also how many is the limit.

You're allowed to post olds and limit is 3. (:

I miss You.

I miss the way you'd look at me,
crooked smile upon your face,
the feel of your slick skin on mine,
as I float in your warm embrace.

I miss the scent of your skin,
as we slide together in your truck,
salty tears of laughter,
the melding of lips so sweet and rough.

I miss the way you'd whisper,
I love you in my ear,
as you held me tightly,
keeping at bay all doubt and fear.

I miss your touch and light filled eyes,
as your fingers trail my spine,
I'll miss the sound of your heart beating rapidly,
steadily keeping pace with mine.

I'll love you every single day,
even though you're no longer here,
and until we meet again, my love,
my heart will lie with yours.

Moonlit Nights

I sat in my chariot of steel  
Wondering at the luminous orb of night  
Pressing my hand against the glass  
So as to empathetically imagine its lonely coldness    
And to remember touching the graceful curves of her face  
 
It haunts me  
 
She haunts me  
 
I see the full moon and I can look right into her eyes  
But no matter what I say or do  
I cannot get her to smile  
 
I see the gibbous moon  
And I imagine her head cocked to one side  
Trying to look me in the eyes as I sit and ponder the depths of defeat    
 
I see the half moon  
And I see her profile as I marveled at her when she was unaware  
 
I see the crescent moon  
And I see her turning away from me  
With the pain in her eyes hiding behind tears  
 
Her pain is even more visible  
As the salty lenses distort it and make it larger in appearance  
Like a wild animal when it is threatened  
 
I can't see the new moon  
But I'll always remember where my Moon was  
What it looked like  
And the light it brought to my night  
 
My hand will rest upon the glass in the place it always does  
Hoping she be full when she reappears    
Needing more light than any other star can offer

Bedrock

FUCK!    
Bleeding fuck upon you!    
Is this who I am to you?    
This is the fate you've decided for me?    
The place you've left me for all time?    
Unacceptable.    
Undeniable.    
Unforgivable indecency!    
Hand over fist I have served you faithfully   
And this is my reward?  
   
It must have been my amicability...      
that poured the foundation    
(Cement filling around my heels)    
I just wanted to love you    
(Encircling my ankles)    
Your wish was my command    
(Swallowing my calves)    
I thought to make you happy   
I would give you your dreams    
And whims...    
(Enveloping my knees)    
And now you dream of him?    
(Grasping at my thighs)    
So my mobility is done    
My legs and waist disappearing like a setting sun    
Dusk ushers in the cold    
(the mixture binds my chest)  
If I had known I needed venom    
To be the snake between your thighs    
I would have begun constricting sooner   
Now I have to fight to run    
To breathe, to swim, or climb   
To escape this little, filling box    
But my shoulders are growing heavy    
And you've already closed the lid
And sealed it  
with a set of matching locks    
   
But at least from here    
I can look up and see the constellations    
To dream of whims myself   
...and imagine    
What I could have been    
   
Hero...    
   
Myth...    
   
Or Monument...    
   
If I had known what it meant    
Before all this was set    
   
I would have given anything to be  
 
that Thing...    
   
Whatever it is,    
you wanted.

“The Truth of Lies”
by:  Eric L. Boddie

I hope that you finally realize
That there is only one thing I truly despise
Which is the leading cause of most of our cries
Which also sets me apart from other guys
Who only want what is in between your thighs
And to leave your heart feeling victimized
But it should be evident through all my tries
That my aim was to leave you neither shocked nor surprised
To find that your heart had been burglarized
For I entered your soul through the beauty in your eyes
Not knowing you lacked the ability to compromise
Or could it simply be that you are a master of disguise
Searching for a way to bring about my demise
Because in all of our discussions, I received no honest replies
Only to uncover the heartache that the truth denies
Even through the times you witnessed my nature rise
Now do you understand what this really implies
You touched me in my heart, where the greatest love lies
But hid your true self from me so nothing great could arise
When all you had to do was simply improvise
Giving in to the moment instead of what honesty defies
I chose the moment, you chose otherwise
Maybe we should come together in an attempt to revise
Our current situation so we can once again be on the rise
Because the thought of you is the only constant when I fantasize
And when you speak, don’t think that I don’t empathize
But in the game of my life, you were drafted to be the franchise
I wanted to be your big fish, but you made me one of the small fries
And through deception, you darkened my blue skies
I mean, what can you expect when the truth dies
But a condition of the heart that will never revitalize
Because nothing can sooth the pain created by lies

the lies we tell ourselves

"Somewhere, imprisoned within the impregnable fortress of your inflexibility I remain perfectly fabricated" – S.A.


Is this where we stop pretending
and I see you for what you really are
through the dream goggles I’ve confused
with a cohesive reality?

I’ve too long made love to illusions
and the dream memories of a love
that never came to be.
The tender touch of your fingertips on my lips
nothing more than a moonlit fantasy

Your words, arms of tangibility
to lift me up from my gutter
before smacking me down again
with the back-hand of love
we’d learnt to perfect with passion

And in that perfect agony
it was easy to believe
in a conquering love, like it was
the messiah of our unholy religion

“It’s Heaven In Hell”
tattooed across my chest to remind me
of the shadows I loved, and the promises
we made in our fanciful nihilistic daydreams
that I denied would be the death of you

Your suicide set long before my presence
inside your head or your heart
our words nothing more than
a series of romanticised death notes waiting to be sung
as you await the annihilation of self destruction
and I wait vainly for you to love yourself

While I tell myself that I knew you
and worse… I believe it

Alright.. here's one of my workings.. "The whisperings"


My mind is all confusion.. whole new world of emotion.. intrusion
Never in my mind's eye, could see, attraction of one such as you
Never could imagine, a living soul stir my blackened heart
Is this a whole new level? Or my metamorphis into something new?
The psychology of I, as warped as the mind of a madman.
 
You're in my sights, I'm gazing unto you, I see fragments myself
A woman, breathes has my attention. Is this my heart's intention
Or something much more? A possessive plight for me, claim norm?
Never could've contemplated, infatuation you have cast unto me.
You've evolved over the many years, from a girl, mind of purity
 
To the tormented soul you've become, your journey, much like mine
Has intersected at the cross roads of time, feelings entwine
My experiences, we have much in common, I feel at ease with her
She understood harness infatuated mindset foolish man i've become
I muttered forced words, whilst my egos vex my love unconstrained
 
"Courtney, give yourself to me forever."
 
Hearing the whisperings of little wood critters, I feel something
Not knowing this feeling, I reach out for her, she turns her head
I lock into her stare, she has my full attention.. eagerly I wait
Her, tears, tumbling trickling through time, her emotions, waver
The winds, a sullen, anticipating silence
 
She raises her head before mine, I gaze with be-searching eyes
She has decreed her final verdict. She, for all her divinity
Have so denied to me, love capable of the healings of me in need
She scorns, her smirking grimace as vile as her beauty is divine
Casts me unto the flames, her verdict the execution
 
Oh that was many years ago, none would know, no, not a soul
As one is far to many, but so far in few, this love turned me
Into the beast.. have become, my love, my passion, pure in years
Has not wavered, has grown stronger with time, my insecurities
Infest, they have weakened my once so brilliant mind.
 
Now I am the molester of the dead, the vegan of necropolis.
 
My soul, has been tainted, caged, by my ego, this is false pride
Now I despise the navietie of love, and sustained to pessimism
For love I was sustained, it was the hand that fed unto me
Never again, be destined for he, his miserable hole, he resides
He may be alone, but always, atoned that comfortably numb feeling
 
The feeling.. of home.

I may make edits to mine every now and then but that's the finished product.

Why did he love ME?

Could that night have been a mistake
Could me taking my own be a mistake?
How could one love me then leave
How could he love me then stay?
If there were a chance to love
If there was any chance to love...
Could he be the one
Could we be meant to love?
If there was any way to find him
If there was any way to find ME!
How would I start
How could I start?

Could I ever love again?

Love Lost
They say that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
They lied, because if I had never loved you, you wouldn't have left me and I wouldn't be lost
I still miss waking up to your nothing but everything morning text
Holding hands, even when we were alone just to make us feel closer
You sexy soft lips kissing my forehead to make me feel beautiful, after all you did used to love me.
Holding my body so close to yours like treasured jewels
And boy when we made love the world was still and only the rocking of our bodies was real
I miss everything about you, I wish you were still here
I even miss the way I would wash your back and rub your feet just to show you how much I cared
I wish it could be the way that it used to be, me loving you and you loving me
I say that its better to have never loved at all, at least that way I wouldn't have the beautiful, painful memories staring down at me from my wall

wow.... I gots A LOT!

Parting

Eyes meeting across the floor
Through my eyes
Windows of my soul
A plea, please don’t leave
Pray I you tarry more
To touch to hold to feel
Your arms around me once more
Just a touch, please don’t go

You merely smile
And walked through the door
Into the plane you disappear
No backward glance
No looking back
You were gone and seen no more
I walked away
Blinded by my tears

Goodbye and farewell
That’s what was said
Will you return?
Will you come back?
Into my yearning arms again
Will prayers be answered?
The future holds the answer
To questions screamed and yet unasked