Depression/Mental Illness

“How Can I Help You?”

She’s sitting there
All nerves exposed
Among the rivulets of blood
That panic beneath the skin
With an automaton brain
That’s set to anxiety mode
Sparking, to set jet black hair
Alight with a paranoid imagination
And, “How can I help you?”
“How can I help you?”
“How can I help you?”
An automated recording
With message received
She’ll get back to you
… ASAP

Piggy-tail phone cord
Wrapped around her neck
Cracked keys typing
The same message
Over and over
“How can I help you?
“How can I help you?
“How can I help you?
Cracked nails bleeding
Screeching down a blackboard
Trigger signals shutting down
The room and corridors
That used to hold
The precious “her”
Before the loving conditioning
And clockwork answer-phone
They installed in her head
Imbedded with…
“How can I help you?”
With Hall-Mark Card answers
So she’ll never disappoint

And it’s all…
“How can I help you?”
“How can I help you?”
“How can I help you?”
Exploding and imploding
Chemical fireworks lighting
The serotonin on fire
And she’s trying to say
“Someone help me!”…
While her mouth’s still forming
“How can I help you?”
On repeat
With the blinds drawn
And lights off.
She’ll get back you
… ASAP

Blank Page Stares:

Here I am, False. Rigid
Here I am, Contentment
Here I am, Sharpened. Tinted
Here I am, Exposed.

Sick in self, embarrassed within
I maintain because no-one else will maintain me.

In my dark, every morning is checking into a hospital
Chiseling until a god is in my skin
An imitation of ruins, mirroring recognized sins

I've lost my perfect circle
Corruption is a friend
When will I stop mourning
Or is that what living is

Dried out, Unlight

And if you buy vanishing cream
You need vanishing cream remover at night.  

Happy Cocktails
or work....
by Mikimoondancer

Synaptic receptors
Releasing yet defective
Top us all off with
meds, unselective
Dopamine blasts
in colorful tabs
Serotonin smiles
Happy from the lab
Norepinephrine
Let's control the fall
Fixing your life
Don't try that at all
When sadness and anger
raise flags in appeal
Thorazine cocktails
Erase all you feel
Then still unresponsive
and melancholy won't leave
That's quite alright
There's still ECT
Chemistry castrated
Human from brain
Swallow your pills
No pain - no gain
Until Refrain
That day when you wake
Side effects make you question
The massive intake
of their careless inflection
Between mental-and perfection

So out on a limb
Souls depths are embraced
When life is lived whole
Their lies are erased

i can believe it.

RSena said:i camn believe it. i cant believeit, but lets keep trying, was it dificult?

Passerby

I'd grow smaller and smaller;
my life's own passerby.

its hard to do so much and feel so unwanted......

its hard to lose somthing iv never had...

its hard to see when it this dark....

its hard to get warm when your heart is frozen....

its hard to love when you arent loved back....

its hard to smile anymore.....

its hard to want when i know i wont get it.....

its hard to do something i want to do.......

its hard to say its hard anymore.......

ITS SO HARD TO CONTAIN THESE THOUGHTS I WONT DO IT i will tell you about this delicate demone called depression that lives within me every day  

Fighting The Battle of Depression part II

What’s happening?
Don’t understand why
It feels like this,
I’m reasoning,
That all I know Is that everyday
That goes, is worst, not remedies
Make me better, but i feel them.
But I don’t see the cure.
Or solution. Lying to me,
Can they, one day be true?

All I have left,
is to get used to it,
And every day, take that pill
Addicted to it.

Numb my depression,
but my normality dispensation,
if don’t take the pill, again
Depression? Addicted to it.
I’m so tired of all you docs,
Would the depression kill me?
Or the medication withdraws?

I see my face,
Trying to find
The reason,
Trying to keep
My god faith.
This ugly situation
That I live day
By day.

Oh,
No here,
There’s not light of hope,
Or reaction, solutions with actions,
Where do They  come from
That light, lighted up, but then
I see,
it goes, leaving me again,
In the beginning, hopeless.
Not answers, not even one idea,
Of how it feel, how my knees are tired
Of holding this heavy body.
I follow my dreams, I see
This silhouette, calling me,
What it is, that makes me feel
Very pleasant, I see you
So patrolling my thoughts,
Giving me options full of solutions,

You,
My suicide friend who I keep
Fighting with, has become
My best friend, would you take
A toast with me? One day you want
To happens, but I wont, I rather
Smoke, and think, about other things,
That makes my feelings, my symptoms
Worst, reminding me, My Mother,
Oh, I miss her.

I wish, you were real,
Come out of my head,
Make yourself touchable,
Visible, leave my imagination,
But, you,
I forgot, are my own
Creation, I wish my tears burn you
Down, my poisoned blood with diazepam
get you out of my thoughts,
Drag you, and drown you, mixed with it,
And here is where I vomit all this blood,
Now my conscience supposedly  healthy, now that
You are gone, for the moment, until
The next recurrent episode……..

SENA

Drained

Drained like the life has been sucked out of me
though there are no puncture marks
to show the loss of my lifeblood
eaten alive by the crows
that pick the bones clean.
 
Does anyone else know how this feels?
 
Life being so surreal at times
i wonder at everything
why some things have to be
the answers evade me
my mind turning
tuning in and out
looking to the light asking questions
seeking revelation one minute
then closing my eyes not wanting to see.
 
If i will them gone
the voices will fade
i tell myself
look away don't listen
keep writing can't stop
i have to do something to shut them out.
 
I've tumbled down the rabbit's hole
more times then I can count
though it wasn't Wonderland i found
it was the world turned upside down.
 
Where the t.v talks back and mocks
pictures look back at you
bite and scratch
seeing the powers that be
stripped of their masks
laughing because no one else can see.
 

the walls close in
pretending to be my friend
untill i can no longer breathe
and all my blood is on the floor

darkness fills the room  
making my blood turn black
filling me with secrets
tearing me apart

only cold words
go through my ear
making me crazy
with my fear

i struggle to stay afloat
as i continue to sink
from the heavy burdens
i carry on my shoulders

i wish that night would fall
to hug me tight
to give me its evil grin
to remind me who i am

a true devil incarnation
craving for the fires of hell
to burn me alive      
and carry me away from my pain    

and all of this was just on my head
leaking into my reality
and slowly making my brain into mush
while the walls still close in

my mental illness?
   insanity                

Semblance Of A Whole

My breath catches in my throat at what my eyes are witnessing
the world stops and is moving in slow motion
i hear their voices cutting into my thoughts, this destruction is from their doing
they wish to see the world burn that is their notion

their cold hands digging into my flesh, claws drawing blood from my body
monsters of the night, crawling from the very gates of hell
they wish to take control and awaken the evil inside me
from deep inside my soul is where the beast dwells

they peel back my eyelids forcing me to watch the damnation
of this world, she calls forth the demons to feed on their flesh and bones
it nourishes her, preparing her for her long waited resurection
they speak to me about their fake prophecies and how i am the 'one'

i am their creator, their number many, 14 in total
each with his or her own distinct differences,
but they each are the same in the fact they they wear my face
they say their apart of me, what are the chances?

that somewhere along the line the fragments of my broken mind
was unable to peace itself together and formed these beings
to wich my hurt, pain, and hate was distributed to each kind

of seperate entity, they are the product of my insanity
the more i hear their voices rage inside my head
the more i begin to see them, i loose all sense of reality
they have overpowered my senses leaving my body dead

dead, cold, and out of my control
they use and abuse me, breaking my mentality even further
everything is hidden inside, and it's finally taking it's toll
won't someone save me? reach down further and deeper

grab what's left of me, and save me from this place that i'm in
i can't take the screaming, i don't want to see this horror
someone please save me from myself, from this aweful place that's to be my end...

These pills turn me into a zombie
I want to feel
I want to cry
So what if I don't like you at lunchtime?
The razor's edge felt so good
Held me like you never could
These nurses treat me like a damsel in distress
I just want to be able to feel emotions
I'm numb to realism
Thes pills swirl around in my head
Maybe they are what is driving me mad
I want to sit and not fall asleep
12 hours at night and I'm still tired
Edgar taught me the truth in life
His words tore me with a knife
They called him insane and such
I never would've cared as much

The no name.

See these stars, these violent chains
they bind me stiff, they hold my tantrums
A gaze to dread, they watch me fickle
with angst and disgust, they remind me of fate
these whims and welshes tire me down
tie me to the ground
embracing my back
sealing my mouth
keeping me confined and lonely
to satisfy the abnormality of the normal
jump for pitchers - 7 pitchers!
binge and barf and slander my dignity
I’ve grown indifferent of your teases
and your chains will never hold me.

No worth

Shards of glass and grains of sand
Held in the palm of my left hand
One slips through the other cuts
I choose the one that hurts the most
I cannot bear this imperfection
I cannot bear so many flaws
Though gaping wounds spill blood so readily
It distracts from this insufficiency
Enough for me to squeeze the fragments
To draw enough blood that the origin is broken
It seems a price that’s well deserved
For one imperfect, one of no worth
A million voices can try to convince
That perfection is a subjective thing
But it matters not, words are empty
Words, futile expressions devoid of sanctity
It hurts, how it hurts but thoughts annulled
It distracts from this substance
This bottomless hole
It seems a consequence well earned
For one so imperfect
For one with no worth