Depression/Mental Illness

Can it be an old post...?

Yes it can be an old post.

Here is my entry.. about my schizophrenia.. (Vivid Illusions)

My hasty personality
My warped dance of misery
My perplexed view of reality
Of all these voices be cautious

I will erase you... no!

Morbid.. vivid.. surreal mental images
Searing into my mind
Crumbling down, lacerated pieces
Chains of my psychosis to which I am in bind

I will erase them.. yes!

Evil voices multiply.. dozens they call my name
Distort and report to my mind
The crimes I commit today
This is my schizophrenia
Tearing of my mind

We will erase each other.. inevitable.

My psychotic delusional torture
These beliefs are not my own
The violent vivid illusions
The afflictions are unknown

My extreme paranoia
My irrational, hostile distrust
No mercy to destroy
My existence.. fades away..

Trapped in my psychosis
At me they lock their stare
Trusting no one
But no one's there

The prescriptive medications
Play with my mind
My alter ego is enraged
That I feed on it's poison

Violent outbursts
I strike those I hold dear
Contained in a world of isolation
I am the hostage of me

Every institution.. fails to find it's way
To what game does it wish that I must play?
But I must be strong
As I know they know

To continue the game I play, my death.. decreed.
By me? Or shall we exist furthermore?
Never, take me now, no! Nothing can harm me..
I will harm you, no! Yes! never..

For someone I know...

Agoraphobia


from inside
I feel

these walls I recognize
not like a prisoner
but an embryo instead
floating in the womb

from inside
I see

every landscape memorized
through my windows
each changing minute
of seasons transforming

from inside
I smell

newborn flowers
a barbeque's fog
leaves ripped away
a silken white blanket

from inside
I hear

a baby birds song
children laughing
scarlet sheets falling
frigid silence

from inside
I taste

stale air
isolating passion
uncrossable moonlight
beyond the bolted doors

Awesome keep them coming. Right now one poem stands out to me, but that has changed a few times now as more come in.

Depression

I don't like that term..
Never have, never will
No matter what they say
A word won't describe how I feel

Depression is a way
To fixiate us on pills..
Keeping us doped up
And tripping over hills

I don't like the terminology
Or they way it is used
Describing my essence,
It's for too abused

It's stupid I know,
To have such hatred for a word..
But if you knew what I knew..
Trust me, It would hurt..

Great flow and a great poem, thanks for posting it.

DEPRESSION DECONSTRUCTED

Depression is not, all in your mind

It makes you sick, it breaks your heart

You cannot, pull yourself up

By the laces, of your shoes

This kind of advice, should never be used


It is a disease of the brain

The brain rules the body

People with hepatitis, are at risk

Demonstrating the immune system

Is involved, cytokines and other parts


If you have not had it, it is hard to explain

Body looks OK, lots and lots of psychic pain

Mountains out of molehills, small insults hurt

Your friends and family just want you to:

“Get over it”, “Exercise”, “Take Vitamins”


Finally the role of medications

These are only second generation

Give us 30 mores years we will find better meds

Until then, juggling 3 or 4 or 5 meds, will find

You feeling even more, out of your mind


Depression is NEVER here to stay

It can and it WILL go away

So, if your friend or family member

Has this disease, do not take it lightly

Do not tease, Stay with him or her

Treat them gently, for they are hurting

Treat them gently, for it could be you!

Many Me Myself and I
--------------------


the little control
we claim total dominion
whom is speaking now?
for even the voices
within, in my head
denies mine command
when one ask for solace
some delivers terror
when one hope for an answer
the others utters nonsense
what is I?
when many self resides
inside what makes I
many Me, Myself, I
In this crowded recluse
am "I" still justified?
am "I" still sane?
when every I that
lives inside are wise
Or is it what makes I
is when every I
compromise to drive
safely to satisfy
others life, their eyes
"you are not being yourself"
How do they know?
No, They don't
They just want you to be
whom they want you to be
so fuck their shallow cries
& fuck their callow life

Saturn, With A Waning Moon (Bi-Polar)

Black majik filaments,
sticky with entropy
tie me down, like four-point restraints;

I am a husk in syndication,
reruns of dyspeptic cannibalism
and soullessly cultivated afternoons.

A cock crows abruptly, the vessel

breaks

freeing my moon.
Eager hands gather stars to be thrown
at a basalt sky -

and the sun bursts into atomic candy;
I am ardency incarnate,
the cheshire cat with a thousand truncated canaries.

P A R A N O I A

When silence creeps
into the senses
Comes the violent
waves of desolation

The vociferous
slightest rustle
& the crescending
throbs of your heart

Shadows begins to
animate peculiar
Slithering to where
the moonlight climbs  
Roaming in the noir

The mind begins to wander
feeding on terror
Your familiar silhouette
becomes inimical
Its will against yours
Sheltered in the dark
Scheming in the gloom
A trivial crackle
in the silence
The terror to think
it might be
The legion of shadows
is in motion
to bring harm unto you

Voices in your head shouts
ESCAPE, Just your Imagination,
Run, Don't be afraid
MURDER, PRAY...

A sudden firm grapple
on your heart, tenacious
You struggle for air
Gasping for life
The mind vision death
P A R A N O I A

I hear the screams
In my dreams
I hear the thunder
And I wonder
Is that really me?

It could be the part of my mind
That I can never really find
My outer shell
Hides her well
But she still exists

I see the gore
And the war
That she creates
It permeates
Everything around me

In the walls of my mind,
All that you would find
Is the hatred of the cruel
You would be a fool
To try to change that

Even though
Others want her to go,
She makes me who I am
So I don’t give a damn
What they say

I’m in danger
And a stranger
To those I need
It’s greed
That keeps me here

I need the rush
That comes from the gush
Of blood from my arm
And the harm
Of my evil side

I am in this place
That creates such disgrace
I am forced to keep my head down
To do nothing but frown
No laugh, no smile, no joy

But when I am alone
I cut to the bone
With no one to know
How far I go
To punish her

Two halves to every story.

Mom! I swear this boy,
at school, still picks on me,
he mean and rude and with honest truth,
seems that it makes him so glee,
He has bad hand wirtting,
as far as I can tell,
always to be threatening,
never wishing me well,
And though it might be true,
that I've never seen this boy,
classmate have told me many things,
my pain he does enjoy,
So Mom I do beg,
that figure this out at once!
it might be mean to say this,
but this boy is such a dunce.

******************************** ( time has passed )**************************

Well son, I called the school,
To see who it is that you described,
I spoke with all your teachers,
None of them could inscribe,
They said there is no one,
Who goes near you all day,
They even have you sit in front,
So they can make sure that you're okay,
They say you mumble to yourself,
More often then not,
Are you listening to me?
Or would you rather not talk?

I am sorry ma'am to tell you...
That you're son is not here right now,
He never could explain to you,
Counldn't explain how...
But for now it will be me,
Who will talk to you...
The other half of your son,
That is the truth..

Placebo

Another one,
They think It heals,
I hate to know
The term “placebo”
Pills, and pills.
Make you wonder
What’s easier?
the cure,
Or the disease.

I’m tired of laying down,
Come,
get off the seat,
Come, take a walk
With me, then you’ll see,
What I feel.
your questionary,
Is so ordinary,
do you know
Anything outside,
I’ll show you the reality.

Normality,
I hate it,
Compare to me,
Maybe they,
Abnormality,
Compare to me.

Hard to explain,
Hard to share,
Deep, is deep,
When it comes to death,
The superficial
Is what you see.

Ask,
But stop questioning me
I Have not changed,
Can I give a suggestion?
Doc, stop asking me the
Same questions.

All this advice,
Like I’m sick,
But I’m laying down,
Take a view of you,
You look in depression,
Because I have all this frustration,
Life complementation,
What?  you said you have a clue,
You can not imagine what I’ve been through.

I hold my whisky,
I take some pills,
Even if is bad for my liver,
But it calm me down,
Risky?
I don’t dare to care.

I go high,
Scream out loud,
With me
And darkness,
I don’t get out.
I’m still a life,
I’m proud.

This room,
This colored walls
I want them black and white,
Is preferred,
theres a reason why.

I wrote help,
But I know is all my fault,
Is on me,
no body is gone,
I keep then away,
Better the feeling
When I’m alone.
Addicted,
To this symptoms,
You take your placebo
For a momentum,
Because depression, is so much
Different from one another,
That not body understand,
If you suffer from it,
Let’s talk of it.
But
Maybe,
we won’t understand
each
other.

SENA

She's Running

Lay her down and remove her pain,  
take away all the hate, tears, and vain.
Drain her body of all the sorrow that resides,
hidden so seep down inside.
She is so good at hiding it,
so good at faking it,
so good at putting it all away,
all so she doesn't have to say
that she is running away.
She is running from her problems,
she is running from her fears,
she is running from her tears
that she's been hiding all these years.
Not sure how to cope,
not sure how to deal,
she's not even sure how she feels.
So she's thinking maybe she should grab the rope,
tie it in a know,
or maybe find a gun,
and put it to her head.
Either way, she'll wind up dead.