Poetry competition CLOSED 19th September 2020 5:50pm
WINNER
Jade-Pandora (jade tiger)
Jade-Pandora (jade tiger)
Page:
Honest Marital Vows
Anonymous
Poetry Contest Description
A Cynical take on Marital Vows
Write a funny poem, with the theme of cynical and honest marriage vows.
one per person
something new
funnier the better, real is good too
Public vote
I am all for love, companionship, and loyalty, but I have always found the concept of marriage weird. I know there are people who love it, and probably have experiences of good marriages. I have seen loads of divorces, loads of nasty things kept within the marital institution.
This is a dark humoured comedy competition. Maybe it's not funny. I have trouble with the difference between comedy and tragedy sometimes.
Here are a few of my mine:
I need money, you have loads, put the ring on me
I need someone to clean up my house and look good at the same time
My parents are getting too old to look after me, fancy the role as my new mother/father?
We made a baby lets get married, everyone else does
You not a complete psycho, and you can hold down a job, I suppose you'll do.
I need a person to dominate because i'm nothing in the real world, I want to be the lord of you, will you say I do?
Anonymous
“Curse the day I met her”
She said I had a small dick
and that was a bigger problem
than her having to bend a leg
over the other to put a sock on
I was thrown away
a week after she got everything
on the wedding list
Love, honour and obey
totally sounds something like a free-thinker
because every night
I sat listening to her complain
about people wasting money
and she needed the alcohol to have a good time
Not remembering the night before
however, that’s my fault
but don’t get into an argument about that with women
or anything else
they’re right, even when they’re ignorant
She said I had a small dick
and that was a bigger problem
than her having to bend a leg
over the other to put a sock on
I was thrown away
a week after she got everything
on the wedding list
Love, honour and obey
totally sounds something like a free-thinker
because every night
I sat listening to her complain
about people wasting money
and she needed the alcohol to have a good time
Not remembering the night before
however, that’s my fault
but don’t get into an argument about that with women
or anything else
they’re right, even when they’re ignorant
Naughty Wedding Vows
Love, Honor, and Obey
Is what I do
Lather, Rinse, and Obey
Is what we need to be
doing to each other
Afterwards you need to be
in a Whipped Cream Bikini
for my Freaky Soul
Which I see:
honey, chocolate syrup,
cherries all over your
Insane hot body
Now that we got all the
Freaky Stuff out of the way
Let's get hitched
To do it all over again
Is what I do
Lather, Rinse, and Obey
Is what we need to be
doing to each other
Afterwards you need to be
in a Whipped Cream Bikini
for my Freaky Soul
Which I see:
honey, chocolate syrup,
cherries all over your
Insane hot body
Now that we got all the
Freaky Stuff out of the way
Let's get hitched
To do it all over again
Written by Phantom2426
(Francisco J Vera)
Go To Page
Right From The Start
Look, I know it’s not going to be perfect,
I’m going to fuck up every now and then,
I’ll own up to my mistakes but also expect,
I might just get under your skin.
I’ll act a fool to make you laugh and titter,
Even during those times I’ll make you mad,
And it may just happen so don’t be bitter,
You know I’m clown so you shouldn’t be sad.
I vow to do my honey do’s without a frown,
I promise I’ll have a smile or at least a grin,
I’ll make sure to leave the toilet seat down,
After all the times I’ve heard you fall in.
I’ll get all the spiders and bugs that scare you,
I’ll even go out of my way to find any others,
And when we do something important for you…
I won’t give you no lip when we go to your mother’s.
No subject will ever be too taboo to discuss,
I want to make sure we don’t have any tension,
Now, if a juicy big booty is passing by us,
I’ll wait until you to bring it to my attention.
Whenever you ask me to be honest,
I’ll be brutally sincere so as not to scoff,
But if you bring up your weight I promise,
I’m biased so I’m going to lie my ass off.
I’m going to love you till the end of time,
Or as they say until death does us a part,
But if I drive you crazy it may be a sign,
So I’m just warning you right from the start.
Written by wallyroo92
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Anonymous
Great entries by all. I take my hat off to those who entered. It was only after I thought about it, that I realised how depressing the competition I thought up was. I guess I am always looking at the ugliness of life. When there is plenty beauty to be viewed as well.
Anonymous
Mine doesn’t count. I wasn’t married. That’s the beautiful side of life lol.
Anonymous
Yes I agree Dusty Journals
Anonymous
And why is it the beautiful side of life?
Because you don’t get stuck with a psycho, who thinks you don’t need friends, and only have her to talk to. Even when she’s treating you like shit and you aren’t on speaking terms. You still aren’t allowed to speak to anyone else lol.
Because you don’t get stuck with a psycho, who thinks you don’t need friends, and only have her to talk to. Even when she’s treating you like shit and you aren’t on speaking terms. You still aren’t allowed to speak to anyone else lol.
Ad-libbing
( I am not libel for my actions )
I knew it was on a Sunday,
Banana cake & choc’late sauce,
Then pie a la mode fat Monday.
Next weekend is fruit cup no loss.
I fell in love with a blind date
And took a bus to Venice Beach,
But we could hardly stand the wait
And honeymooned miles out of reach.
We’d said our vows right on the sand,
The tourists stood around with beer.
The minister then took my hand,
But all the rest I couldn’t hear.
We found a dingy motel room
For privacy, and ‘cause I burn.
Already I felt pretty soon
My stomach was about to churn.
I swear I was fantasizing
Upon his gearshift getting hard.
And yes I was plagiarizing
Words of a Hallmark greeting card.
I sent it in an old shoebox,
I don’t think I’ll be going home.
A crow can fly for forty blocks
So I’ll just wing it on my own.
Is this how to make a living?
Don’t ask the spy who’s behind you.
It’s Monday and I’m ad-libbing,
Hear my words, his lips never moved.
Anonymous
Thank you to all who entered
The winner of this competition and any runners up were decided by public vote.
Thank you to the following members for voting:
Bluevelvete, TimWombles, lepperochan, Josh, Tallen, Phantom2426, Valeriyabeyond, Poems4me, Kinkpoet, MadameLavender, eroseternal, runaway-mindtrain
Thank you to the following members for voting:
Bluevelvete, TimWombles, lepperochan, Josh, Tallen, Phantom2426, Valeriyabeyond, Poems4me, Kinkpoet, MadameLavender, eroseternal, runaway-mindtrain
Anonymous
thank you admin
