Walls of Regrets

I
Her soul was once a radiant fire
But now nearly all her flames have turned to ember
Her head-strong approach was something I’ve always admired
Yet now it seems like she has surrendered…
To despair and anxiety after five gruesome years
I watch on helplessly as I don’t know what to do
How can I assure her that there’s nothing to fear?
Whenever she asks me what our future holds, I haven’t got a clue
There are moments where I see determination in her worn eyes
But those days are rarer and rarer
Many days all I want to do is cry
We wouldn’t be in this situation if life had been fairer
All her life has been one struggle after another
But she managed to push on by working like heck
I love her so, oh my poor, dear mother
I fear that I’ll be the cause of her premature death.

II
Emptiness inside
I didn’t want to believe
That this is the final goodbye
Between you and me
I miss you Leo
Why did you have to go?
You, mom and I were the Golden Trio
Yet your life was cut short like one would blow…
Out a candle to extinguish its flames
Yet you, my dear cat, were hit by a car
That heart-stopping text from dad engulfed me in rage
And those unbelievable words had sown onto my heart a scar
Sometimes I dream of you, and I’m so happy
Only to wake up to reality, and I burst into tears
These last 10 months without you have been utterly crappy
Your affectionate personality filled our lives with cheer
Emptiness inside
I’ve now come to terms
That this is the final goodbye
The lack of a pulse and your immobile chest were enough to confirm.

III
I know I haven’t been the most worshipping of Christians
Only recently have I come to terms with my spirituality
Honestly, I thought that your existence was pure fiction
Yet my life experience led me to believe that your existence could be a reality
After all, you saved my mother when she was in death’s clutches
You have made it possible for me to accomplish my dream
Whenever I was done, you have been my pair of crutches
So please help me now, or I’ll burst out and scream
I’ve made a terrible choice, that shouldn’t have been so if life were different
I went all in instead of fully analyzing and opting for the safer path
I know that my face is often blank, making people think that I’m indifferent
When really, it’s my only way of protecting myself from attack
I didn’t sign up to pay this terrible price
This never would have happened had the opportunity exited back home
I had no one at the time to give me much needed advice
I feel like I’ve screwed up just as badly as the fall of Rome
So, God, Forces of the universe, my Guardian Angel
Please help my bearer and I to make it out of this shitstorm
This experience has left me rather gainful…
In what I should and shouldn’t do; I’m now informed
But I swear that I’ll bring us to the light at the end of the tunnel; no matter how painful.

DARE TO BE DIFFERENT

What if all you were ever taught was a lie?
What if not?
What if life is only a long dream
Where everyone sleepwalks with their eyes open
And feet in motion?

What if all that stands for good and kindness
Grants you no credit or points
In the end?
But what if it does?
What if all what you thought was good and right in you
Was to be proven wrong and cruel?

What if you thought you were leaving a good legacy in someone’s life
And turns out that someone never appreciated?

What if the world were to know all your hidden secrets
The ones that hurt you the most
The kind you long to forget and regret
And with everyone you thought of as good and evil
Came together like a unison army
Raging war and accusations against you
Angels and demons acting like devils?

Child, you be you!
Dare to be you!
Don’t feel sorry for being you!
They will say all kinds of blasphemies against you
But just be you

If no one else ever appreciated your goodness to them
Only because they heard about your errors and regrets
Be proud of you and for yourself
Knowing you did what you thought was the right thing to do
At the time!

If you earn no brownie-points or credit
For what you did do right
If your kindness does not produce for you any karma
And kindness is never returned to you
Dare to be you!
Don’t ever apologize for being you!

In the end, things will be as they were meant to be...
As it was pre-destined before you were even born!
When the world rages against you
Dare to stand....for who you are not for what they want or say for you to be....

What if the world is wrong
And you are right?
But, what if you are right
And the world is wrong?
And what if there is no wrong or right
What if you are just beautiful you
Special in your own way,
Different in a world that will never understand you
And a world you will never understand it?

Leave your imprint in whatever path you travel....
Leave your impression in whatever life you touch positively
If your legacy was not a good one from the start
Make it count for you, even if for you alone...

In the end you don’t have to prove yourself worthy or unworthy
Live your life and your dream
Not anyone else’s life or dream!
If the world is right and you are wrong, the choice will be yours to change your course
But, consider what If the rest of the world is wrong and you are the only one right?
Would you change your course,
Abandon your path, quit being who you really are
To step into THEIR world and live THEIR legacy?
DARE TO BE DIFFERENT...JUST BE YOU!

The solid walls keep building themselves higher and higher,
Obscuring the light from coming through the cracks. It is not
Your fault if the walls become more difficult to climb because
It just means that everyone who has claimed to love me prior
To you give me every reason to keep building. The direct shot
Is what I protect myself from. I am never looking for applause
Or to be swept off my feet, but to be with someone who lets
Me take my wall down, one brick at a time until they see me
And do not want to hurt what I have to offer. Someone who
Tells me to let it go and I will believe them. So many regrets
Within the walls. I loved all the wrong people or chose to be
In situations that brought me down so if I choose to let you
Love me, it comes with this warning: I want you, but I never
Need you and just maybe I will let go of my grip on the lever.

I’ve made mistakes  
One or a few
I regret them all
But they’ve only led me up to you  
I’ve hurt you unforgivably  
But you managed to stay
I promise to change
In the best of ways
Your my best friend  
If I lose you
I don’t know what would happen
But it wouldn’t  be good  
Hang around a little longer  
You’ll see the changes
I promise you will