deepundergroundpoetry.com

Things I'll Never Say

I
Her soul was once a radiant fire
But now nearly all her flames have turned to ember
Her head-strong approach was something Iíve always admired
Yet now it seems like she has surrenderedÖ
To despair and anxiety after five gruesome years
I watch on helplessly as I donít know what to do
How can I assure her that thereís nothing to fear?
Whenever she asks me what our future holds, I havenít got a clue
There are moments where I see determination in her worn eyes
But those days are rarer and rarer
Many days all I want to do is cry
We wouldnít be in this situation if life had been fairer
All her life has been one struggle after another
But she managed to push on by working like heck
I love her so, oh my poor, dear mother
I fear that Iíll be the cause of her premature death.

II
Emptiness inside
I didnít want to believe
That this is the final goodbye
Between you and me
I miss you Leo
Why did you have to go?
You, mom and I were the Golden Trio
Yet your life was cut short like one would blowÖ
Out a candle to extinguish its flames
Yet you, my dear cat, were hit by a car
That heart-stopping text from dad engulfed me in rage
And those unbelievable words had sown onto my heart a scar
Sometimes I dream of you, and Iím so happy
Only to wake up to reality, and I burst into tears
These last 10 months without you have been utterly crappy
Your affectionate personality filled our lives with cheer
Emptiness inside
Iíve now come to terms
That this is the final goodbye
The lack of a pulse and your immobile chest were enough to confirm.

III
I know I havenít been the most worshipping of Christians
Only recently have I come to terms with my spirituality
Honestly, I thought that your existence was pure fiction
Yet my life experience led me to believe that your existence could be a reality
After all, you saved my mother when she was in deathís clutches
You have made it possible for me to accomplish my dream
Whenever I was done, you have been my pair of crutches
So please help me now, or Iíll burst out and scream
Iíve made a terrible choice, that shouldnít have been so if life were different
I went all in instead of fully analyzing and opting for the safer path
I know that my face is often blank, making people think that Iím indifferent
When really, itís my only way of protecting myself from attack
I didnít sign up to pay this terrible price
This never would have happened had the opportunity exited back home
I had no one at the time to give me much needed advice
I feel like Iíve screwed up just as badly as the fall of Rome
So, God, Forces of the universe, my Guardian Angel
Please help my bearer and I to make it out of this shitstorm
This experience has left me rather gainfulÖ
In what I should and shouldnít do; Iím now informed
But I swear that Iíll bring us to the light at the end of the tunnel; no matter how painful.
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