Poetry Competition Ends 6th February 2025 9:47pm
Puns Aloud
Cringe and Punishment
In the kingdom of Punlandia
While drinking their drafts
Joked punsters and jesters
Who loved a good laugh
They'd quip and they'd quibble
With tongues sharp as knives
Creating wordplay and puns
To the groans of their wives
"Why did the scarecrow become a politician"
One asked in jest
"Because he was outstanding in his field
You must attest"
The groans were aplenty
The cringe it did grow
As puns kept on coming
Like an unstoppable flow
"Why don't scientists trust atoms"
Another did query
"Because they make up everything"
Thats not funny my deary
A cringy delight
It seemed without end
Each pun a new level
Of humor to bend
"What do you call cheese that isn't yours"
One more chimed in
"Nacho cheese" they shouted
With a cringe worthy grin
"Let's taco 'bout something else"
Said the pun jester king
"Because these puns are becoming
Quite the thing"
"Are you feeling cold? Stand in the corner"
He said with a sigh
"Its always 90 degrees there"
He winked with an eye
The barmates cringed and groaned
But they couldn't deny
The pun game was strong
Even if humor was dry
In punlandia they thrived
On this playful charade
For cringe and for puns
Is where there art is laid
So here's to the cringers
With puns that do sting
May your wordplay be endless
And humor the king
While drinking their drafts
Joked punsters and jesters
Who loved a good laugh
They'd quip and they'd quibble
With tongues sharp as knives
Creating wordplay and puns
To the groans of their wives
"Why did the scarecrow become a politician"
One asked in jest
"Because he was outstanding in his field
You must attest"
The groans were aplenty
The cringe it did grow
As puns kept on coming
Like an unstoppable flow
"Why don't scientists trust atoms"
Another did query
"Because they make up everything"
Thats not funny my deary
A cringy delight
It seemed without end
Each pun a new level
Of humor to bend
"What do you call cheese that isn't yours"
One more chimed in
"Nacho cheese" they shouted
With a cringe worthy grin
"Let's taco 'bout something else"
Said the pun jester king
"Because these puns are becoming
Quite the thing"
"Are you feeling cold? Stand in the corner"
He said with a sigh
"Its always 90 degrees there"
He winked with an eye
The barmates cringed and groaned
But they couldn't deny
The pun game was strong
Even if humor was dry
In punlandia they thrived
On this playful charade
For cringe and for puns
Is where there art is laid
So here's to the cringers
With puns that do sting
May your wordplay be endless
And humor the king
Written by Mstrmnd1923
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The Real McCoy
We are going over the top my boys
keep your ink wet, words dry, point your quill true,
and draft your darts like they're the real McCoy,
Take care of your quills, my boys, these ain't toys,
don't ruffle their feathers or you'll be screwed,
we are going over the top, my boys.
Safety first lads, careless words can destroy,
spell check to make your damning taunts get through
and draft your darts like they're the real McCoy,
Sharp quills make sharp points, keep pen knife employed,
cloak your barbs my lads don't give 'em a clue,
we are going over the top, my boys,
The blotter's your best friend, keep it deployed,
blot your copybook? lines to be renewed!
and draft your darts like they're the real McCoy
Turn to a clean page when the kettle boils
We've just enough time for a final brew,
We are going over the top my boys
So, draft your darts like they're the real McCoy
villanelle
Written by Rew
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I'll Tell I'll Tell... (villanelle)
When his Pa gets told he'll bash his Willy
when he hears what his little Willy did,
cause he rives at stuff all willy-nilly
He don't bother Bertha's sister Lilly
and she is such a helpful little kid,
when his Pa gets told he'll bash his Willy
He nagged and nagged till his voice rose shrilly
then went red an' I thought he'd blow his lid,
cause he rives at stuff all willy-nilly
I said I might but for little Jimmy
that got Willy's goat he got real livid...
when his Pa gets told he'll bash his Willy,
I got scared and said it's far too chilly
I said I'd tell and tell and tell, I did,
cause he rives at stuff all willy-nilly
And then I said I can't, Ma would kill me
and sped on but fell off when bike skiddid,
when his Pa gets told he'll bash his Willy
cause he rives at stuff all willy-nilly ...
Written by Rew
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Pun blossom
In the garden of words
I plant a pun or two
Cultivating humor
with a laugh that's overdue.
I carrot all about you
you make my heart beet
lettuce turnip the fun
don't squash the upbeat.
You’re a-maize-ing.
A real fungi to be with.
Mushroom for love
in our punny myth.
You're the apple of my pie,
the cherry on top.
Together we’re grapeful,
we’re the cream of the crop.
Even when I feel
melon-choly and blue,
I know I've got a friend
who's truly grape and true.
Written by PAR
(PAULO ACACIO RAMOS)
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Anxiety
She told me while we were at a cafe eating lunch, that the way I live my life would make her head explode
She can't handle more then one thing at a time, due to her anxiety
I told her that I would pay her $200 dollars to see her head explode
She said today was my lucky day, pulled out a gun and shot herself in the head
Part of her head exploded onto the wall and our table
Instead of $200, I placed a $100 in her bra, since I only saw part of her head explode
I got up, paid the cashier and left
She had guts but no brains, literally
She can't handle more then one thing at a time, due to her anxiety
I told her that I would pay her $200 dollars to see her head explode
She said today was my lucky day, pulled out a gun and shot herself in the head
Part of her head exploded onto the wall and our table
Instead of $200, I placed a $100 in her bra, since I only saw part of her head explode
I got up, paid the cashier and left
She had guts but no brains, literally
Written by Vision_of_insanity
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10 Things you can do with his or her remains
1) Feed the homeless
2) Make wallets, belts
3) If they have beautiful hair, scalp them and make wigs to sell
4) Props for a horror film you create and self release
5) Leave parts in restaurant bathrooms, especially fast food joints
6) UPS to relatives for a visit
7) Watch em rot
8) Use their blood & organs to create a masterpiece of art
9) Pack them in suitcases and throw them on a Greyhound
10) Become a cannibal and eat them. Bring some relatives or friends over and tell them your creating this explosive, cuisine from somewhere in the world. They won't know, and they'll be eating your loved ones or whoever. Get rid of the evidence for good.
2) Make wallets, belts
3) If they have beautiful hair, scalp them and make wigs to sell
4) Props for a horror film you create and self release
5) Leave parts in restaurant bathrooms, especially fast food joints
6) UPS to relatives for a visit
7) Watch em rot
8) Use their blood & organs to create a masterpiece of art
9) Pack them in suitcases and throw them on a Greyhound
10) Become a cannibal and eat them. Bring some relatives or friends over and tell them your creating this explosive, cuisine from somewhere in the world. They won't know, and they'll be eating your loved ones or whoever. Get rid of the evidence for good.
Written by Vision_of_insanity
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~cua cua
crabby
crustaceans parade
from highly salted
& pressurised mid-seas ..
inspired from the so
recent news …simmering
in bloodied human hunger..
towards
namesake summoned peace
treaties of the tricky capital..
wearing their trending
military-labelled terrorism ..
enroute the trading roguish
& pirating- the deadly silent Atlantic..
they had sumptuously drunk in their
quizzically coloured beverage.. that’s
ubiquitously smothering the seas
in nacreous rainbow
spills- those unsustainably
grown illegal palm oils
shipped against the trade
winds & whatnots..
they had abominably ballooned
almost tripled their sizes..
marching
in an M23 style.. these guerrilla
troops are in the annexing
of terrains in slyly shut
concrete jungles smelling foxy
with the scheming humans..
camouflaged in comradely facelifts
of Nori seaweeds & barbecue.. the
lopsided cosmetic soldiers fell easy
as preys to those binging
mouths of plastic robotic
times..
fired & fried to their brittle breakdown
as mere crisp & crunchy bites of destiny
in red rouges of addictive seasonings
over their swollen corpses.. these so
snacky delights of a launch.. happens
this midnight
the serial funeral.. of this
cereal crab army.. goes on
until the heartland greens
& uncompromisingly organic
soul seas.. are buried
as dimples over golden
dunes.. the ruthless
capitalistic deserts
Written by summultima
(uma)
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Evolutions
In a butcher and clockmaker tryst
their scion anon gave skills a twist
when gears put together
in slaughterhouse weather
made her a meaty-horologist.
their scion anon gave skills a twist
when gears put together
in slaughterhouse weather
made her a meaty-horologist.
Written by MidnightSonneteer
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