Poetry competition CLOSED 8th July 2024 7:09am
WINNER
Ms_LaCarte (Ms. La Carte)
Ms_LaCarte (Ms. La Carte)
RUNNER-UP:
Grace
Page:
Silly Drinking Poems
Poetry Contest Description
Write any silly drinking poem your heart desires.
Only one entry per author
No Prose Please
Rhyme or Don't Rhyme
Style is up to you
Here's an example. Exempt from competition.
Packs A Punch
Margaritas on a random weekday
Watching another tequila sunrise
White Russians every other Sunday
Memories on tap a numb surprise
Make me another flaming Dr. Pepper
Is this a bar or some random still?
Waitresses evade me like I’m a leper
Sitting across from a corporate shill
Hangovers are pretty common here
Just drinking my morning red eye
Before that I chugged the last beer
Too much gin makes my mouth dry
Sometimes cocktails are in demand
Other times not so fucking much
Also the house wine is kinda bland
Then again it does pack a punch
No Prose Please
Rhyme or Don't Rhyme
Style is up to you
Here's an example. Exempt from competition.
Packs A Punch
Margaritas on a random weekday
Watching another tequila sunrise
White Russians every other Sunday
Memories on tap a numb surprise
Make me another flaming Dr. Pepper
Is this a bar or some random still?
Waitresses evade me like I’m a leper
Sitting across from a corporate shill
Hangovers are pretty common here
Just drinking my morning red eye
Before that I chugged the last beer
Too much gin makes my mouth dry
Sometimes cocktails are in demand
Other times not so fucking much
Also the house wine is kinda bland
Then again it does pack a punch
Roll out the Barrel
I think Jill, by now, has got my measure
of how I spirit away time and cash,
scolded for taking a drink at leisure
then get a taste of her tongue, like a lash.
Though it's a rum do I nod and agree
although it does so go against the grain,
but there, bottles, for all the world to see
an' me the tipsy culprit once again.
My corker of a plea ' wet the tot's head?'
spirited her not a bit same as before,
but I keep mild no bitter whining gets said
just bottle up because Jill knows the score.
For I take no offence, bear no ill will
For to cap it all I still need my gill.
of how I spirit away time and cash,
scolded for taking a drink at leisure
then get a taste of her tongue, like a lash.
Though it's a rum do I nod and agree
although it does so go against the grain,
but there, bottles, for all the world to see
an' me the tipsy culprit once again.
My corker of a plea ' wet the tot's head?'
spirited her not a bit same as before,
but I keep mild no bitter whining gets said
just bottle up because Jill knows the score.
For I take no offence, bear no ill will
For to cap it all I still need my gill.
Written by Rew
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lethal libations
it was an Old Fashioned romance
...with a Spritz & a twist
a Royal Affair of epic proportions
poor Suffering Bastard in his Tuxedo
& the Platinum Blonde draped in scarlet satin
she...slipping into her Spicy Fifty years
flashing Dark & Stormy eyes
with a backdrop of Hurricane skies
him...looking for the Golden Dream
Damn the Weather & its threats
they tangoed...hello being the Last Word said
setting fire to the night like a Flaming Volcano
she...with her Angel Face & lethal Stinger
lured him like a Zombie with her Slippery Nipple
for Hanky Panky Between the Sheets
using her Woo Woo voodoo & a Kentucky Kiss
she took him willing into her lusty Death Flip
leaving him with the rest of her collectable Unforgettables
a withered husk of a Salty Dog
abandoned beneath an Amber Moon
until a Desert Healer on her filly
stumbled upon him at High Noon
breathing a prayer upon his brow of Corpse Revival
like a Sea Breeze upon his flesh
leading him away with a finger to his lips & a Lemon Drop kiss
they fled from the scene of recent events
clinging to their Horse's Neck
they rode hell bent through Blood & Sand
into a Mediterranean Sunset
for Duende's Cocktail Party comp...thank you for the challenge!
...with a Spritz & a twist
a Royal Affair of epic proportions
poor Suffering Bastard in his Tuxedo
& the Platinum Blonde draped in scarlet satin
she...slipping into her Spicy Fifty years
flashing Dark & Stormy eyes
with a backdrop of Hurricane skies
him...looking for the Golden Dream
Damn the Weather & its threats
they tangoed...hello being the Last Word said
setting fire to the night like a Flaming Volcano
she...with her Angel Face & lethal Stinger
lured him like a Zombie with her Slippery Nipple
for Hanky Panky Between the Sheets
using her Woo Woo voodoo & a Kentucky Kiss
she took him willing into her lusty Death Flip
leaving him with the rest of her collectable Unforgettables
a withered husk of a Salty Dog
abandoned beneath an Amber Moon
until a Desert Healer on her filly
stumbled upon him at High Noon
breathing a prayer upon his brow of Corpse Revival
like a Sea Breeze upon his flesh
leading him away with a finger to his lips & a Lemon Drop kiss
they fled from the scene of recent events
clinging to their Horse's Neck
they rode hell bent through Blood & Sand
into a Mediterranean Sunset
for Duende's Cocktail Party comp...thank you for the challenge!
Written by WillowsWhimsies
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Bottom Shelf
Don't even look up at me cherry vodka
you cheap little tart
who will let anyone drink you
sitting there on the bottom shelf
with your transparent clothing
and it’s glittering twinkle in the showroom light.
You chippie, little bawd
waiting patiently for your next john
to pay to have you or your sister or your mother-in-law two bottles down
it’s all in the family and none of you care
which will be next to intoxicate with your clear grain proof.
You cocky, little louche
you know all you have to do is sit there
and your john will come to you hungry like the wolf
while you wait inexpensively affordable
even after fees have been paid on bubble gum and toilet tissue
your thirty-five percent spirit is an easy sell.
I just wanted to let you know that you stink to high heaven
and your flashy flavor is more like a disgusting fruit medicine for almost-cancer
and the most recent fashion of the common cold
and that without you I could either die of boredom
or be feeding the hungry in my spare time.
I hope you can sleep at night
You self-possessed, promiscuous little hustler you.
you cheap little tart
who will let anyone drink you
sitting there on the bottom shelf
with your transparent clothing
and it’s glittering twinkle in the showroom light.
You chippie, little bawd
waiting patiently for your next john
to pay to have you or your sister or your mother-in-law two bottles down
it’s all in the family and none of you care
which will be next to intoxicate with your clear grain proof.
You cocky, little louche
you know all you have to do is sit there
and your john will come to you hungry like the wolf
while you wait inexpensively affordable
even after fees have been paid on bubble gum and toilet tissue
your thirty-five percent spirit is an easy sell.
I just wanted to let you know that you stink to high heaven
and your flashy flavor is more like a disgusting fruit medicine for almost-cancer
and the most recent fashion of the common cold
and that without you I could either die of boredom
or be feeding the hungry in my spare time.
I hope you can sleep at night
You self-possessed, promiscuous little hustler you.
Written by Ms_LaCarte
(Ms. La Carte)
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Shadows and Inebriant
he was in a tavern dimly lit
pie-faced drunk smelling of piss
holding a cigar though unlit
his tepid whiskey at half glass
he said he was a bard of yore
and sang songs off-key
about adventures, being the hero
he giggled often with glee
he often fell from his chair
yelling at the oncoming floor
that hurt his face as he fell
a spectacle for all to see
he spoke to his shadow
for no one cared about him
none reacted to his laughter
for his laughter was not for company
a past dwelled behind his eyes
being a wounded spirit, wild and free
he found solace in the cold glass
of any drinks ale or beer
after midnight he stumbled away
disappearing into the darkness
no toast to the lonely drunk
found dead at the park
pie-faced drunk smelling of piss
holding a cigar though unlit
his tepid whiskey at half glass
he said he was a bard of yore
and sang songs off-key
about adventures, being the hero
he giggled often with glee
he often fell from his chair
yelling at the oncoming floor
that hurt his face as he fell
a spectacle for all to see
he spoke to his shadow
for no one cared about him
none reacted to his laughter
for his laughter was not for company
a past dwelled behind his eyes
being a wounded spirit, wild and free
he found solace in the cold glass
of any drinks ale or beer
after midnight he stumbled away
disappearing into the darkness
no toast to the lonely drunk
found dead at the park
Written by Grace
(IDryad)
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Silly Alcohol Trickle
Silly, silly,
silly,
silly drinking,
wiener shrinking..
Wobbling
weak and
simping
Staggered,
limping,
haggard, drifting,
flagrantly sinking,
a maggot whimpering
Hair shaggy,
skin
pimpling
I'm sauced,
daggers trickling
out of tears trickling
onto crippled moths tricked
into signing up for flying me to Heaven,
now too soggy to walk
and alcohol dismisses em all,
those wet, poured upon moths,
blisters and bees,
weeds and the trees
Fuck em, sauced I trickle
silly,
silly drinking,
wiener shrinking..
Wobbling
weak and
simping
Staggered,
limping,
haggard, drifting,
flagrantly sinking,
a maggot whimpering
Hair shaggy,
skin
pimpling
I'm sauced,
daggers trickling
out of tears trickling
onto crippled moths tricked
into signing up for flying me to Heaven,
now too soggy to walk
and alcohol dismisses em all,
those wet, poured upon moths,
blisters and bees,
weeds and the trees
Fuck em, sauced I trickle
Written by ExercisingDemons
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Irish Bar Song
Oh the bar is officially open
come on in because everyone's hopin'
that the pints will flow more
than a seasoned street whore
as we all give a toast to the day.
Hi, Ho !
Come on, let's go--
break out the whiskey and rye
and we hope accolades
don't become hand grenades
and someone gets punched in the eye!
Hey bar-keep, come pour me another
beer to salute my young brother
who rolled in the grass
with a fine looking lass
and their babe is now well on its way.
Hi, Ho!
Come on, let's go--
roaring and dancing the jig;
We'll all sing along
to the Irish Bar Song
way past drunk to give much of a fig!
Well now the clock's chiming eleven,
and we opened our bottles 'fore seven
let's keep the rounds going
while our spirits are growing
and soaring right up to the sky.
Hi, Ho!
Come on, let's go--
the night is still younger than me;
we'll pour back some more
'til we land on the floor
knee-slapping and laughing with glee!
come on in because everyone's hopin'
that the pints will flow more
than a seasoned street whore
as we all give a toast to the day.
Hi, Ho !
Come on, let's go--
break out the whiskey and rye
and we hope accolades
don't become hand grenades
and someone gets punched in the eye!
Hey bar-keep, come pour me another
beer to salute my young brother
who rolled in the grass
with a fine looking lass
and their babe is now well on its way.
Hi, Ho!
Come on, let's go--
roaring and dancing the jig;
We'll all sing along
to the Irish Bar Song
way past drunk to give much of a fig!
Well now the clock's chiming eleven,
and we opened our bottles 'fore seven
let's keep the rounds going
while our spirits are growing
and soaring right up to the sky.
Hi, Ho!
Come on, let's go--
the night is still younger than me;
we'll pour back some more
'til we land on the floor
knee-slapping and laughing with glee!
Written by MadameLavender
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keys oh! keys where have you gone?
In the parking lot so dark,
After revelries and sparks,
We stagger 'neath the moonlit glow,
Wondering where the keys did go.
The party's over, fun and done,
But our search has just begun,
Laughing, stumbling, looking 'round,
For the keys that can't be found.
We check our pockets, check the ground,
Under cars, and all around,
A chorus of confused delight,
In this wild, starry night.
A hiccup here, a giggle there,
As we search without a care,
Underneath a sleeping tree,
Could the keys be there? Let’s see.
We question our drunk, hazy minds,
Retracing steps we cannot find,
A scavenger hunt under stars,
For the keys to our trusty car.
At last, we laugh, and then we see,
The keys were with us, by the tree,
With a cheer, we end our quest,
Drunken friends, we are the best!
In the parking lot so dark,
After revelries and sparks,
We stagger 'neath the moonlit glow,
Wondering where the keys did go.
The party's over, fun and done,
But our search has just begun,
Laughing, stumbling, looking 'round,
For the keys that can't be found.
We check our pockets, check the ground,
Under cars, and all around,
A chorus of confused delight,
In this wild, starry night.
A hiccup here, a giggle there,
As we search without a care,
Underneath a sleeping tree,
Could the keys be there? Let’s see.
We question our drunk, hazy minds,
Retracing steps we cannot find,
A scavenger hunt under stars,
For the keys to our trusty car.
At last, we laugh, and then we see,
The keys were with us, by the tree,
With a cheer, we end our quest,
Drunken friends, we are the best!
WHERE IS MY DICK?
In drunken haze, I stumbled home,
A lonely soul, feeling so alone.
I cut my dick off, booze-fueled spree,
Or maybe my wife’s wrath set it free.
Memories twist, shadows blur,
Pain throbs where reason stirred.
In bed, I woke, a crimson pool,
A nightmare real, my mind a fool.
Morning's light revealed my plight,
A severed piece, lost to the night.
A scream, a gasp, a heart in fright,
Blood-soaked sheets, a ghastly sight.
Regret and fear, sharp and tight,
Confusion reigns in morning light.
To heal, to find, to understand,
In sober dawn, I search, I scan.
Pain and horror, intertwined,
A fractured soul, a shattered mind.
To piece together, seek the truth,
In sober dawn, I trace my youth.
A lonely soul, feeling so alone.
I cut my dick off, booze-fueled spree,
Or maybe my wife’s wrath set it free.
Memories twist, shadows blur,
Pain throbs where reason stirred.
In bed, I woke, a crimson pool,
A nightmare real, my mind a fool.
Morning's light revealed my plight,
A severed piece, lost to the night.
A scream, a gasp, a heart in fright,
Blood-soaked sheets, a ghastly sight.
Regret and fear, sharp and tight,
Confusion reigns in morning light.
To heal, to find, to understand,
In sober dawn, I search, I scan.
Pain and horror, intertwined,
A fractured soul, a shattered mind.
To piece together, seek the truth,
In sober dawn, I trace my youth.
Written by Dre_k47
(AnDre James)
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Cheers
Here's to us, A lovely bunch we are
All celebrating at the local shit hole bar
With every beer imaginable, domestics far and near
I don't care whats on tap, I would love a shot and a beer
A pint of Stout here please, I'm not a girl of the light
Darkness rules for me, even when out for the night
Be it straight up whiskey, a car bomb or two
I like to keep it simple, I fancy nothing new
So here's to all of you, the bartender and me
A bunch of fucking drunks, we're a sight to see
We try not to be crazy, or fucking say fuck
If you cant handle our asses, that's your shit luck
Staggering a little, it may be time to go
Last call for the wasted, this is the end of our show
Ill call a cab for I refuse to drink and drive
Good night asshats, until we meet up at the next smelly dive...
All celebrating at the local shit hole bar
With every beer imaginable, domestics far and near
I don't care whats on tap, I would love a shot and a beer
A pint of Stout here please, I'm not a girl of the light
Darkness rules for me, even when out for the night
Be it straight up whiskey, a car bomb or two
I like to keep it simple, I fancy nothing new
So here's to all of you, the bartender and me
A bunch of fucking drunks, we're a sight to see
We try not to be crazy, or fucking say fuck
If you cant handle our asses, that's your shit luck
Staggering a little, it may be time to go
Last call for the wasted, this is the end of our show
Ill call a cab for I refuse to drink and drive
Good night asshats, until we meet up at the next smelly dive...
Written by mysteriouslady
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The war cabinet
Alcho-pops where are you?
that’s it, come on
don’t be shy.
Now get over there
in front of the lager.
Everyone else,
I said everyone else!
listen.
My Intel has confirmed a teenage party
so I don't want any mistakes.
Alcho-pops you're in first
and you don't stand a chance
so make your peace with
the Blue nun before you go.
Lagers, two packs in the kitchen,
the rest, in the fridge.
Cherries take the night off.
Cocktail sticks, erm, just straighten up
Vodka, label front, please try and last the night.
Orange and Blackcurrant
give yourself a wipe, it’s been a while
but if vodka goes you need to go with him,
I need you in the mix.
Babycham it could be a rough night my love
but whatever happens try to reach the nose.
Boxed wines, boxed wines over here now.
Get in line and taps out.
White, if red gets spilt, try to get on top,
less carpet damage and
we should be able to get you both out.
Twelve year old Malt, hold the rear,
I won’t sacrifice my best on this rabble.
Now Bells you need to go first, followed by,
all though it breaks my heart, Glen Fiddich
Lads if you both go, give em hell
so they won’t come back for Malt.
Snowball, not a chance in hell
but be ready just in case.
Eggnog you have to be the
dumbest drink I have
but you do look like custard
so try to make em puke.
Gin, what are you laughing at.
Nothing sir.
nnnnnothing sir, you shit, they call you Lilly
and you taste like frikin perfume,
get out of my sight before I go blind.
Sshh....sshh
Everyone be quiet, here they come.
Lagers look lively, sixes not fours.
Shit straight for the cabinet.
Little bastard put me down,
put me down, what did you call me?
Fuckin JD its Mr Frikin Daniels to you
you, spot faced little shit.
Come on then let’s have it
two shots, try me.
I'll rip yer throat out,
I'll singe your spleen, come on then,
lets see what yer made of,
just, you, me
and my friend Mr glass.
Wait, what, what’s that
Frikin Coke, drink me like a man
shittin bubbles, fuckin caramel
and ice, in a tall glass, whhhyyy!!!.
That’s right swill me round
showin off to your mates
all watered down.
To start a war with JD
be sure you can hold my dead
I'll bring the violent
you carry the sick.
that’s it, come on
don’t be shy.
Now get over there
in front of the lager.
Everyone else,
I said everyone else!
listen.
My Intel has confirmed a teenage party
so I don't want any mistakes.
Alcho-pops you're in first
and you don't stand a chance
so make your peace with
the Blue nun before you go.
Lagers, two packs in the kitchen,
the rest, in the fridge.
Cherries take the night off.
Cocktail sticks, erm, just straighten up
Vodka, label front, please try and last the night.
Orange and Blackcurrant
give yourself a wipe, it’s been a while
but if vodka goes you need to go with him,
I need you in the mix.
Babycham it could be a rough night my love
but whatever happens try to reach the nose.
Boxed wines, boxed wines over here now.
Get in line and taps out.
White, if red gets spilt, try to get on top,
less carpet damage and
we should be able to get you both out.
Twelve year old Malt, hold the rear,
I won’t sacrifice my best on this rabble.
Now Bells you need to go first, followed by,
all though it breaks my heart, Glen Fiddich
Lads if you both go, give em hell
so they won’t come back for Malt.
Snowball, not a chance in hell
but be ready just in case.
Eggnog you have to be the
dumbest drink I have
but you do look like custard
so try to make em puke.
Gin, what are you laughing at.
Nothing sir.
nnnnnothing sir, you shit, they call you Lilly
and you taste like frikin perfume,
get out of my sight before I go blind.
Sshh....sshh
Everyone be quiet, here they come.
Lagers look lively, sixes not fours.
Shit straight for the cabinet.
Little bastard put me down,
put me down, what did you call me?
Fuckin JD its Mr Frikin Daniels to you
you, spot faced little shit.
Come on then let’s have it
two shots, try me.
I'll rip yer throat out,
I'll singe your spleen, come on then,
lets see what yer made of,
just, you, me
and my friend Mr glass.
Wait, what, what’s that
Frikin Coke, drink me like a man
shittin bubbles, fuckin caramel
and ice, in a tall glass, whhhyyy!!!.
That’s right swill me round
showin off to your mates
all watered down.
To start a war with JD
be sure you can hold my dead
I'll bring the violent
you carry the sick.
Written by Razzerleaf
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