A love that wrecked you

My love, why do you give me this pain?
away so alone and hard
why do you leave me waiting for you
in slow and insecure worship?

My love, why do you disappear
when I need you most
for madness that consumes me
between the world of the dead and the living?

My love, why do you leave me
So wrapped up in my own vices
breathing in memory your acrid perfume?

My love, why do you insist on not coming?
when the leaves have already fallen from so much autumn
when I don't know where else to go
when what I have left is the infinity of sleep?

My love, why do you make me burn
so slowly in your fire
sail lost and without a hand at the helm
plunge headlong into the groaning mud?

Silent through the years  
Like a giving tree  
You kept cutting branches  
Shredding me by decree  
   
Quiet as harmless rock  
Sitting by your side  
You kept smashing your hammer  
Cracking my core inside  
   
Heart blossomed like a flower  
So many times sitting beside
Hoping you would hold me tender  
But got plucked and discarded aside  
   
Finally, I became a bird  
In this heartless nest  
You tried to severe my wings  
But I soared and flew away, for the best.  
   
I forgive you for all    
That you have done    
My soul is free of you    
Finally my freedom has come  
   
Open blue sky with sweet release  
The light has touched me I am finally at peace .....

I was ready for love
but I guess love wasn't ready
for me
or it wasn't my time yet.

I was ready to be committed
I wanted a happy life
with a house full of children
but it wasn't my time yet.

When I said I do
I wanted it to be forever,
together,
not apart.

My heart was full.
I felt complete with you in my life.

As I look back
my heart asks, why
I was ready for love,
but love wasn't ready for me.

Look closely into my eyes
and see at last, the happiness tells no lies
my heart no longer aches or throbs
waiting for you to emerge from the fog.
See how my smile finally has reemerged
after all the worry has been purged,
yes you now hear my laugh all over the room
and hear my deep sighs of peace in my tomb.
Like the proverbial zombie I rise
wiping death from my eyes,
yes, look now my friend at my hands
free of any binding bands
no longer being wrung with fret
or being beaten against the pillow so wet.
Yes, I do miss you, and I still feel pain
but now it's a drip rather than a rain
look deep into my soul and you'll see
the last tear drop has been set free

     "From the get go to him women are that leftover meal
So, there is no misunderstanding or a catch 22 about the deal,
      "Forever the side biscuit and never the chicken
A candidate for cervix destruction and her nasty ass lickin,

      "Not even on the level of Church's, KFC or Popeyes
Because the only nourishment given is hard dick and bullshit lies,
      "Some say that's fucked up, evil and cruel
But he refuses to be another woman's fool,

      "Never again he will be that simp ass motherfucker
His ex-wife fucked that up when he caught her with his mother,
      "Caught the ho's pussy lip-locked on his lunch break
Trust and love in all women that day, became goddamn fake,

      "The relationship he's in now just isn't gonna last
Before Easter roll around, she'll be packing her bags,
      "Calling him all kinds of motherfuckas and screaming he ain't shit
But the wet memory will always remain of her pussy washing his dick,

      "If she keeps his number and decides to call
The conversation will only be about getting her panties to fall,
      "Or pulling them musty motherfuckas to the side
Making that back arch as he gives her the slow slide,

      "If she gets emotional-fuck it, he will always feel fine
Because the bitch would be dropped like a snitch dropping a dime,
      "Later it will not be no talking about getting back together
Just time for the heartbroken pussy bitch to disappear like bad weather,

      "His friends say he acts this way because of the hurt
That's why the forcefield around his heart is putting in lifetime work,
      "Electrified with pain inflicting 'I don't give a fuck' shock
The same as a dog bumper tied and dragged around the block,

      "So, to all cheating ho's he doesn't care if they have a man at home
It's they're shit show while she pushes out his cum on that porcelain throne,
      "Afterwards fold that toilet paper and wipe between those thighs
Pull that handle and flush away her creampie lies".

I hurl myself at you
like a fucking aerial bomber      
on a kamikaze mission,    
uncaring in the moment      
if we both blow the fuck up    
     
I drag you to the ground    
screaming      
no    
against your lips as we      
kneel and our noses mash    
as my sobs spill past      
my lashes    
     
We’re in a hero pose    
as the shrapnel rains on us,    
I hit your pecs with the meaty    
parts of my fists      
choking    
no    
with each strike    
     
and you try to take    
me in your arms and      
whisper shhhh against      
my head but not this time.    
     
There isn’t any fucking comfort    
past the taste of you soaked    
in my regret    
     
The heavy shadow over our head    
turns and I watch saltwater    
stain my lap    
as you hold my hands,    
hold my heart,    
and say beautifully    
scarred things      
past the syncopation      
of my deaf ears    
     
no.      
     
no.      
     
There’s no rage, no fear just    
the best parts of us walking    
away with my blessing      
     
forever this time    
     
No.      
     
Fucking. No!    
I can’t. I can’t. You’re fucking      
everything good, and dark and      
passionate and insane and you can      
talk me down from a 30 foot ledge    
and how can you go after everything      
and how can I let you?      
No.    
     
Please. No.      
     
(Please. )    
     
I wrench my hands from yours      
and pull you to me,    
needing something      
primordial,    
my hands shake    
under your shirt,    
and I crawl into your lap    
somehow crying harder    
as your skin      
presses against      
mine    
     
Your hands wind      
into my scalp.    
Your mouth takes mine,      
and the heavy shadow    
turns slowly and aims true      
     
The last ordinance,    
the one that’s going    
to take us out      
flares into view    
     
My head falls back      
as you lick pain from    
my throat and I      
whimper      
yes    
as the sky      
lights up in      
atomic white    
     
and the last      
breath I take    
before it      
flashes our      
shadow to the ground    
     
has a molecule of your exhale    
to hold forever    
     
and it’s enough…    
it’s enough      
     
     
     
And it’s never enough.  
 
 

I gave him another chance
Why did I even give him a second glance?
Why didn't I walk away?
Laugh at the lies he had to say
I finally let myself love him again,
I opened my heart and let him back in
I said the words I was scared to say
That I loved him more than the light of day
I finally told him how much he meant to me
And then he decided to set me free
He said wanted time to be sure we were right
And that night he we had our first fight
And instead of letting me explain my side
He cut me off every time I tried
Twisting my words to make me sound hurtful
Twisting my thoughts to make me look spiteful
And when we finally had a real talk about it all
He once again made me feel so insanely small
Because he told me he was falling for another person
He was growing so close with this woman
I told him he needed to choose,
He could have her, but he knew what he would lose
He gave up a chance to rebuild his life
Rebuild his family with his son and I
Why did I give him another chance?
For him to just throw us away like trash?