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Poetry competition CLOSED 11th November 2023 7:37pm
WINNER
Rew
View Profile Poems by Rew
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Good Old Fasioned Dirty Limericks

James_A_Knight
Thought Provoker
Palestine 1awards
Joined 24th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 101

Poetry Contest

Write an original dirty funny Limerick

It's been a long time since we had a dirty funny Limerick competition.

The funnier the better.

It doesn't have to be dirty if it's funny.

One per person

Originality is welcomed.

We could do with a light hearted comp.

There once was a woman from Devizes...
There once was a man from Nantucket...

It doesn't have to be a strict Limerick

This is a simple format A rhymes with A, B rhymes with B, last line rhymes with A

A Line 1 [8-9-10 syllables]
A Line 2 [8-9-10 syllables]
B Line 3 [5-6 syllables]
B Line 4 [5-6 syllables]
A Line 5 [8-9-10 syllables]

enjoy


Razzerleaf
Fire of Insight
United Kingdom 27awards
Joined 15th Sep 2019
Forum Posts: 525

Mike

A renegade rabbit called Mike,
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
 
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
 
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
 
 
 
 
 
Written by Razzerleaf
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ReggiePoet
Reggie
Fire of Insight
28awards
Joined 13th May 2018
Forum Posts: 363

Related submission no longer exists.

robert43041
Viking
Tyrant of Words
Canada 43awards
Joined 30th July 2020
Forum Posts: 918

Lady from Paris

There was this lady from Paris
Who enjoyed consensual bliss
From one partner or another
Small or big did not matter
As long as sweet was the kiss.
Written by robert43041 (Viking)
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LongTubiFree
JustinSizemore
Thought Provoker
United States 3awards
Joined 13th Oct 2023
Forum Posts: 50

Everybody is a Weiner

Welcome to Stiffy's weiner palace!
Come, drink in our wonderment like a chalice,
we know you made the right choice!
Put our weiner in your mouth and rejoice,
so yummy and thick,
you'll keep grabbing for more really quick.
Grab one in each hand,
and take yourself on a trip to pleasure land!
No need to fuss or fret,
our weiners have the best standard to be met,
we carefully pull and tug on each in turn,
making sure for you they churn
some cosmic feelings of joy.
Many claim to be the best but fail to employ
our patented Stiff Weiner secret technique,
which is why it's so good and unique!
Don't worry about table manners here,
juice running down your chin is our sincere
desire you see,
we hope you'll have a weiner or three!
Written by LongTubiFree (JustinSizemore)
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Jordan
D.O.C.
Thought Provoker
United States 13awards
Joined 4th May 2022
Forum Posts: 245

Dirty Laundry Ne'er Air nor E'er Share

*

On your having a secret affair,
ere you err be aware and beware
of a prick, of a whore,
of each genital sore --
and of skid marks on thong underwear.

*

Contest: Good, Old-Fashioned Dirty Limericks

Sponsor: James_A_Knight

Form: Limerick Laundered

Major Poetic Technique: Irony Yet Hitting Pay Dirt

Theme: The Bottom Line on the Old-Fashioned Scrub Brush
Written by Jordan (D.O.C.)
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James_A_Knight
Thought Provoker
Palestine 1awards
Joined 24th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 101

Thanks to everyone for these great limericks.
My favorite so far is Razzerleaf. However as humour is subjective this will def go to a public vote.

wallyroo92
Tyrant of Words
United States 153awards
Joined 11th July 2012
Forum Posts: 1859

The Baker

I told her I’d love to eat her poundcake
But today she wasn’t in the mood to bake
And I the hungry fool
Slowly began to drool
Oh why can’t I just catch a simple break?

Then I wanted muffins with sweet cherries
But the pantry was all out of berries
My desire I voiced
I want something so moist
And thicker than all my dictionaries

Then I started to crave some hot buns
And asked: “Baby are you catching these puns?”
She was not hot but bothered
I’m about to get clobbered
My toying gets annoying by the tons

“Come on babe let’s try a new recipe
Let’s experiment just you and just me”
But she gave me a frown
Tonight she is not down
As my mouth waters I pant breathlessly

I got hangry and heated and smokin’
“I’M THE MAN, I WANT IT NOW, I HAVE SPOKEN!”
Then she tilted her head
Looked at me and firmly said
“Hun, remember the oven is broken”

Written by wallyroo92
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Rew
Fire of Insight
England 15awards
Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 555

...

Dre_k47
AnDre James
Thought Provoker
Jamaica 5awards
Joined 18th Dec 2013
Forum Posts: 44

A Sexual Interlude Amidst Nature's Embrace: A Poetic Exploration of Temptation and Forbidden Desires in a Public Space

In a bush setting, we took a pause,
Feeling too horny to follow the laws.
With a plan not discussed,
A plus for both of us,
No judgement, just promiscuous flaws.
Written by Dre_k47 (AnDre James)
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James_A_Knight
Thought Provoker
Palestine 1awards
Joined 24th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 101

Really great Limericks
Thanks for the great entries

Rew
Fire of Insight
England 15awards
Joined 30th Sep 2022
Forum Posts: 555

Disclaimer: these Dirty Limericks are for a competition and are not representative of my work.

There was a young Beau from limerick              
who had an unfeasibly large dick,              
as he enters his Belle              
the whole town heard her yell         
"You're in the wrong hole, you fuck-wit! "              
             
Now, this young man from limerick              
(the one with the unfeasibly large dick)              
well, his balls would clang              
when he shagged his Mam              
and that was their party trick.      
     
That lusty lad from old limerick      
thought he'd try bending, for a bit,      
but his buggery tube      
was empty of lube      
an' his lover said, " S'ok, I'll split..."  
   
   
N.B.  my limerick is entirely fictional, any resemblance to the city of Limerick in Munster, Eire, is purely coincidental as are the characters portrayed here who, incidentally are all ancient wrinklies of at least 50 years of age.
Written by Rew
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mysteriouslady
Tyrant of Words
United States 15awards
Joined 11th Aug 2012
Forum Posts: 2643

loosey goosy

there once was a whore that went with no thong
the townsmen caught a wiff, they all wanted a sniff
yet her pussy was stale like an old mans dong!


terrible, I know haha



Her
Tyrant of Words
United States 21awards
Joined 1st Sep 2021
Forum Posts: 93

Related submission no longer exists.

James_A_Knight
Thought Provoker
Palestine 1awards
Joined 24th Feb 2021
Forum Posts: 101

Thanks for all the great limericks

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