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Good Old Fasioned Dirty Limericks
James_A_Knight
Forum Posts: 101
Thought Provoker
1
Joined 24th Feb 2021 Forum Posts: 101
Poetry Contest Description
Write an original dirty funny Limerick
It's been a long time since we had a dirty funny Limerick competition.
The funnier the better.
It doesn't have to be dirty if it's funny.
One per person
Originality is welcomed.
We could do with a light hearted comp.
There once was a woman from Devizes...
There once was a man from Nantucket...
It doesn't have to be a strict Limerick
This is a simple format A rhymes with A, B rhymes with B, last line rhymes with A
A Line 1 [8-9-10 syllables]
A Line 2 [8-9-10 syllables]
B Line 3 [5-6 syllables]
B Line 4 [5-6 syllables]
A Line 5 [8-9-10 syllables]
enjoy
Razzerleaf
Forum Posts: 525
Fire of Insight
27
Joined 15th Sep 2019 Forum Posts: 525
Mike
A renegade rabbit called Mike,
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
Written by Razzerleaf
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ReggiePoet
Reggie
Forum Posts: 363
Reggie
Fire of Insight
28
Joined 13th May 2018Forum Posts: 363
robert43041
Viking
Forum Posts: 918
Viking
Tyrant of Words
43
Joined 30th July 2020 Forum Posts: 918
Lady from Paris
There was this lady from Paris
Who enjoyed consensual bliss
From one partner or another
Small or big did not matter
As long as sweet was the kiss.
Who enjoyed consensual bliss
From one partner or another
Small or big did not matter
As long as sweet was the kiss.
Written by robert43041
(Viking)
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LongTubiFree
JustinSizemore
Forum Posts: 50
JustinSizemore
Thought Provoker
3
Joined 13th Oct 2023Forum Posts: 50
Everybody is a Weiner
Welcome to Stiffy's weiner palace!
Come, drink in our wonderment like a chalice,
we know you made the right choice!
Put our weiner in your mouth and rejoice,
so yummy and thick,
you'll keep grabbing for more really quick.
Grab one in each hand,
and take yourself on a trip to pleasure land!
No need to fuss or fret,
our weiners have the best standard to be met,
we carefully pull and tug on each in turn,
making sure for you they churn
some cosmic feelings of joy.
Many claim to be the best but fail to employ
our patented Stiff Weiner secret technique,
which is why it's so good and unique!
Don't worry about table manners here,
juice running down your chin is our sincere
desire you see,
we hope you'll have a weiner or three!
Come, drink in our wonderment like a chalice,
we know you made the right choice!
Put our weiner in your mouth and rejoice,
so yummy and thick,
you'll keep grabbing for more really quick.
Grab one in each hand,
and take yourself on a trip to pleasure land!
No need to fuss or fret,
our weiners have the best standard to be met,
we carefully pull and tug on each in turn,
making sure for you they churn
some cosmic feelings of joy.
Many claim to be the best but fail to employ
our patented Stiff Weiner secret technique,
which is why it's so good and unique!
Don't worry about table manners here,
juice running down your chin is our sincere
desire you see,
we hope you'll have a weiner or three!
Written by LongTubiFree
(JustinSizemore)
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Jordan
D.O.C.
Forum Posts: 245
D.O.C.
Thought Provoker
13
Joined 4th May 2022Forum Posts: 245
Dirty Laundry Ne'er Air nor E'er Share
*
On your having a secret affair,
ere you err be aware and beware
of a prick, of a whore,
of each genital sore --
and of skid marks on thong underwear.
*
Contest: Good, Old-Fashioned Dirty Limericks
Sponsor: James_A_Knight
Form: Limerick Laundered
Major Poetic Technique: Irony Yet Hitting Pay Dirt
Theme: The Bottom Line on the Old-Fashioned Scrub Brush
On your having a secret affair,
ere you err be aware and beware
of a prick, of a whore,
of each genital sore --
and of skid marks on thong underwear.
*
Contest: Good, Old-Fashioned Dirty Limericks
Sponsor: James_A_Knight
Form: Limerick Laundered
Major Poetic Technique: Irony Yet Hitting Pay Dirt
Theme: The Bottom Line on the Old-Fashioned Scrub Brush
Written by Jordan
(D.O.C.)
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James_A_Knight
Forum Posts: 101
Thought Provoker
1
Joined 24th Feb 2021 Forum Posts: 101
Thanks to everyone for these great limericks.
My favorite so far is Razzerleaf. However as humour is subjective this will def go to a public vote.
My favorite so far is Razzerleaf. However as humour is subjective this will def go to a public vote.
wallyroo92
Forum Posts: 1859
Tyrant of Words
153
Joined 11th July 2012Forum Posts: 1859
The Baker
I told her I’d love to eat her poundcake
But today she wasn’t in the mood to bake
And I the hungry fool
Slowly began to drool
Oh why can’t I just catch a simple break?
Then I wanted muffins with sweet cherries
But the pantry was all out of berries
My desire I voiced
I want something so moist
And thicker than all my dictionaries
Then I started to crave some hot buns
And asked: “Baby are you catching these puns?”
She was not hot but bothered
I’m about to get clobbered
My toying gets annoying by the tons
“Come on babe let’s try a new recipe
Let’s experiment just you and just me”
But she gave me a frown
Tonight she is not down
As my mouth waters I pant breathlessly
I got hangry and heated and smokin’
“I’M THE MAN, I WANT IT NOW, I HAVE SPOKEN!”
Then she tilted her head
Looked at me and firmly said
“Hun, remember the oven is broken”
But today she wasn’t in the mood to bake
And I the hungry fool
Slowly began to drool
Oh why can’t I just catch a simple break?
Then I wanted muffins with sweet cherries
But the pantry was all out of berries
My desire I voiced
I want something so moist
And thicker than all my dictionaries
Then I started to crave some hot buns
And asked: “Baby are you catching these puns?”
She was not hot but bothered
I’m about to get clobbered
My toying gets annoying by the tons
“Come on babe let’s try a new recipe
Let’s experiment just you and just me”
But she gave me a frown
Tonight she is not down
As my mouth waters I pant breathlessly
I got hangry and heated and smokin’
“I’M THE MAN, I WANT IT NOW, I HAVE SPOKEN!”
Then she tilted her head
Looked at me and firmly said
“Hun, remember the oven is broken”
Written by wallyroo92
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Rew
Forum Posts: 555
Fire of Insight
15
Joined 30th Sep 2022 Forum Posts: 555
...
Dre_k47
AnDre James
Forum Posts: 44
AnDre James
Thought Provoker
5
Joined 18th Dec 2013Forum Posts: 44
A Sexual Interlude Amidst Nature's Embrace: A Poetic Exploration of Temptation and Forbidden Desires in a Public Space
In a bush setting, we took a pause,
Feeling too horny to follow the laws.
With a plan not discussed,
A plus for both of us,
No judgement, just promiscuous flaws.
Feeling too horny to follow the laws.
With a plan not discussed,
A plus for both of us,
No judgement, just promiscuous flaws.
Written by Dre_k47
(AnDre James)
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James_A_Knight
Forum Posts: 101
Thought Provoker
1
Joined 24th Feb 2021 Forum Posts: 101
Really great Limericks
Thanks for the great entries
Thanks for the great entries
Rew
Forum Posts: 555
Fire of Insight
15
Joined 30th Sep 2022 Forum Posts: 555
Disclaimer: these Dirty Limericks are for a competition and are not representative of my work.
There was a young Beau from limerick
who had an unfeasibly large dick,
as he enters his Belle
the whole town heard her yell
"You're in the wrong hole, you fuck-wit! "
Now, this young man from limerick
(the one with the unfeasibly large dick)
well, his balls would clang
when he shagged his Mam
and that was their party trick.
That lusty lad from old limerick
thought he'd try bending, for a bit,
but his buggery tube
was empty of lube
an' his lover said, " S'ok, I'll split..."
N.B. my limerick is entirely fictional, any resemblance to the city of Limerick in Munster, Eire, is purely coincidental as are the characters portrayed here who, incidentally are all ancient wrinklies of at least 50 years of age.
who had an unfeasibly large dick,
as he enters his Belle
the whole town heard her yell
"You're in the wrong hole, you fuck-wit! "
Now, this young man from limerick
(the one with the unfeasibly large dick)
well, his balls would clang
when he shagged his Mam
and that was their party trick.
That lusty lad from old limerick
thought he'd try bending, for a bit,
but his buggery tube
was empty of lube
an' his lover said, " S'ok, I'll split..."
N.B. my limerick is entirely fictional, any resemblance to the city of Limerick in Munster, Eire, is purely coincidental as are the characters portrayed here who, incidentally are all ancient wrinklies of at least 50 years of age.
Written by Rew
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mysteriouslady
Forum Posts: 2643
Tyrant of Words
15
Joined 11th Aug 2012Forum Posts: 2643
loosey goosy
there once was a whore that went with no thong
the townsmen caught a wiff, they all wanted a sniff
yet her pussy was stale like an old mans dong!
terrible, I know haha
there once was a whore that went with no thong
the townsmen caught a wiff, they all wanted a sniff
yet her pussy was stale like an old mans dong!
terrible, I know haha
James_A_Knight
Forum Posts: 101
Thought Provoker
1
Joined 24th Feb 2021 Forum Posts: 101
Thanks for all the great limericks