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Suicide and the aftermath
Hey gang.
So, a good friend of mine, her son (24 yrs old) moved out of state recently. Partly, he said, because she harassed him too much about getting his shit together, hanging with bad people, doing drugs, etc. So he went to his grandparents (who should have known better, IMO)
He overdosed last night, and so far no one is sure if it was intentional or an accident.
She is devastated, of course. And I hurt because he hurt her, with his actions.
I will never understand such things. I have an extremely bitter attitude towards suicide. Mainly, because I have three relatives (aunts, cousin) who did it. And I know the wreck of other (surviving) people's lives that it causes.
My birth mother was a bad pill-head. She ruined her life, tried to ruin us kids' lives, etc. Her last two decades were spent in a supervised facility, in a lock down environment. She tried to OD on pills a few times when we were little.
She wasn't any good at it. Actually, her tolerance was so high that it would take more pills than she had at the time, to work.
My younger brother blew his heart out because of drinking and pills. Although it was considered an accident. It is still a slow suicide to me.
Yet two months before he died, he told me that he didn't have much time left. I told him he was full of shit. He seemed okay all along. He was healthy looking.
I had talked to him off and on about his drinking and pills. So did his wife. He left behind two young sons. It's like he didnt learn anything over the years from watching and hearing about our mother. Or our aunts, or our cousin.
No, neither of us ever visited our mother once we moved out and away. She was a horrible, mean person. I never missed her. Because there was nothing there, between us. I had a good step mom eventually. So all good. The fucking pills changed my mom into something subhuman.
I rarely take any meds, for anything. I'm that much against it. And I've had A LOT of surgeries and injuries etc. I take the pain. Because it's a reminder of being alive.
Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling. I can't get over my anger over this kid hurting everyone in his life that mattered. Suicide kills many hearts. It wrecks them.
So, any of you out there contemplating suicide, or throwing your life away because of bad habits, don't. Just don't. It's bullshit. Nothing is worse than quitting life. Because those you leave behind have to deal with it for their lifetime afterwards.
Any one of you can message me, and we can talk about stuff. Or, pick someone who understands you and can hopefully help you over the crisis.
Death is permanent. It is an asshole, every time. Life means there is always a chance. So be brave enough to risk living for that chance.
I will talk to anyone that wants to. If need be, I'd give my number and we can talk.
I'm no professional at this. But, I love life. It's a blessing! I will gladly remind you of that.
Don't hurt others in your life by hurting yourself. It's so selfish. And they don't deserve that pain.
If you have to feel miserable even though they love you (and they really do), then suck it up and live miserably. Just live. You have no idea what awaits you if you quit. So be brave, risk being alive. Do it for them.
If you can't like yourself , at least love yourself deep down. You're the only you on earth. That makes it priceless. So believe that!
People, stop quitting life.
So, a good friend of mine, her son (24 yrs old) moved out of state recently. Partly, he said, because she harassed him too much about getting his shit together, hanging with bad people, doing drugs, etc. So he went to his grandparents (who should have known better, IMO)
He overdosed last night, and so far no one is sure if it was intentional or an accident.
She is devastated, of course. And I hurt because he hurt her, with his actions.
I will never understand such things. I have an extremely bitter attitude towards suicide. Mainly, because I have three relatives (aunts, cousin) who did it. And I know the wreck of other (surviving) people's lives that it causes.
My birth mother was a bad pill-head. She ruined her life, tried to ruin us kids' lives, etc. Her last two decades were spent in a supervised facility, in a lock down environment. She tried to OD on pills a few times when we were little.
She wasn't any good at it. Actually, her tolerance was so high that it would take more pills than she had at the time, to work.
My younger brother blew his heart out because of drinking and pills. Although it was considered an accident. It is still a slow suicide to me.
Yet two months before he died, he told me that he didn't have much time left. I told him he was full of shit. He seemed okay all along. He was healthy looking.
I had talked to him off and on about his drinking and pills. So did his wife. He left behind two young sons. It's like he didnt learn anything over the years from watching and hearing about our mother. Or our aunts, or our cousin.
No, neither of us ever visited our mother once we moved out and away. She was a horrible, mean person. I never missed her. Because there was nothing there, between us. I had a good step mom eventually. So all good. The fucking pills changed my mom into something subhuman.
I rarely take any meds, for anything. I'm that much against it. And I've had A LOT of surgeries and injuries etc. I take the pain. Because it's a reminder of being alive.
Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling. I can't get over my anger over this kid hurting everyone in his life that mattered. Suicide kills many hearts. It wrecks them.
So, any of you out there contemplating suicide, or throwing your life away because of bad habits, don't. Just don't. It's bullshit. Nothing is worse than quitting life. Because those you leave behind have to deal with it for their lifetime afterwards.
Any one of you can message me, and we can talk about stuff. Or, pick someone who understands you and can hopefully help you over the crisis.
Death is permanent. It is an asshole, every time. Life means there is always a chance. So be brave enough to risk living for that chance.
I will talk to anyone that wants to. If need be, I'd give my number and we can talk.
I'm no professional at this. But, I love life. It's a blessing! I will gladly remind you of that.
Don't hurt others in your life by hurting yourself. It's so selfish. And they don't deserve that pain.
If you have to feel miserable even though they love you (and they really do), then suck it up and live miserably. Just live. You have no idea what awaits you if you quit. So be brave, risk being alive. Do it for them.
If you can't like yourself , at least love yourself deep down. You're the only you on earth. That makes it priceless. So believe that!
People, stop quitting life.
Suicide’s Plight
Suicide
Unhealthy thoughts taking a free ride
Should I just keep walking by
Or write a poem for someone else’s mind to decide
There are so many people out there
Not caring if they have a last breath to spare
Not having remorse to no longer care
Stress, Life, Hopeless, down on luck
Not having a penny let alone a buck
You’ve had it to the point you’re ripping out your hair
Some people’s mind freefalling into thin air
A silent battle of the brain within
If I comment suicide no more problems taking me on a major tailspin
I know you are tired, worn out, and yes, from taking it on the chin
Think of a time when your life was soaring and then think again
Think of a time your life was going great, very good as it should
Starting first with memories of your childhood
During those times things were never misunderstood
Now you’re knocking your head against hardwood
Trying to figure it all out
Finding ways to keep your mental status up no doubt
Reminiscences that once stirred your heart
Mental breakdowns from the initial start
Unspoken anger now for the most part
Has the world now cloaked your brain in mental darkness
Allowing no one to reach you, oh, that concept sounds so heartless
We all have walked a mile in tight shoes
Dark storms of the mind from society abuse
Hanging on by a thread hoping no one judges your ruse
However, who gives you that sole right to choose
A word no one likes to comprehend win or lose
God giveth, not for man or woman to taketh away
As your life flashes you by as acting it out on Broadway
SOS, May Day, Wait, I think I’ve changed my mind
Noose has tightened to my neck, blood running from my wrist, sleeping pills have all been washed down
Stomach pumped, oh no
I really really never intended to go
Save me please
The next time I will ask for these thoughts to be removed on my knees
Paddles of life to chest couldn’t help
The third time it worked, yelp
As I lay still
No more turmoil to fit this earthly bill
Had I hung in, would this had passed, but still
There was always a tomorrow
Tears from someone else’s eyes at the expense of my sorrow
I’m on my ascending pathway
You will see the understanding of this self-demise revealed to you on Judgment Day
There will be no more words from you to say
When you’re dealing with the mental blues I know it’s not my call
I have to pass this insight of this universal protocol
I was ordained and yes, I want my Angel wings
Sent back here to say or do some strange things
All for a great cause
Under God’s universal laws
However, I will never know where you come from
Slow down, let’s talk, I may be able to tell you how to channel that raging weather, and then some
This is not a fad, way out, or words to get lost in
Surrendering your last breath is when your life truly begins
You think you are experiencing hell on earth now
Going up against God with the excuse I refuse to give earth my final bow
Trust me you shall reap what you sow upon its disavowal
No reasons accepted I thought this was my only way out from a mental drought
A shake of God’s head for an eternal lockout
It hurts if only you knew from the soul’s earthly remembrance to let it be
At the Pearly Gates begging if only you could see
Do not allow your mind to attempt to unlocked God’s universal mysterious
You can’t
Therefore, when you’re feeling down, pray, meditate, or chant
No one wants to come back here
And still adhere
To the same plan you thought for a quick escape
Accepting your fate again on this planet we call earth, denied until you reshape
Trust me that’s not a Heavenly debate
At any rate
You never get those moments in time to backdate
When in doubt, talk it out, take medication if you must to get you through
I know this has been tried and true
Just please keep this angle of view in mind
And allow your thoughts to naturally unwind
Channel your temple and leave the negative energy of your mind behind
Once you close your eyes
No more second chances to understand, the what, when, or the whys
Unhealthy thoughts taking a free ride
Should I just keep walking by
Or write a poem for someone else’s mind to decide
There are so many people out there
Not caring if they have a last breath to spare
Not having remorse to no longer care
Stress, Life, Hopeless, down on luck
Not having a penny let alone a buck
You’ve had it to the point you’re ripping out your hair
Some people’s mind freefalling into thin air
A silent battle of the brain within
If I comment suicide no more problems taking me on a major tailspin
I know you are tired, worn out, and yes, from taking it on the chin
Think of a time when your life was soaring and then think again
Think of a time your life was going great, very good as it should
Starting first with memories of your childhood
During those times things were never misunderstood
Now you’re knocking your head against hardwood
Trying to figure it all out
Finding ways to keep your mental status up no doubt
Reminiscences that once stirred your heart
Mental breakdowns from the initial start
Unspoken anger now for the most part
Has the world now cloaked your brain in mental darkness
Allowing no one to reach you, oh, that concept sounds so heartless
We all have walked a mile in tight shoes
Dark storms of the mind from society abuse
Hanging on by a thread hoping no one judges your ruse
However, who gives you that sole right to choose
A word no one likes to comprehend win or lose
God giveth, not for man or woman to taketh away
As your life flashes you by as acting it out on Broadway
SOS, May Day, Wait, I think I’ve changed my mind
Noose has tightened to my neck, blood running from my wrist, sleeping pills have all been washed down
Stomach pumped, oh no
I really really never intended to go
Save me please
The next time I will ask for these thoughts to be removed on my knees
Paddles of life to chest couldn’t help
The third time it worked, yelp
As I lay still
No more turmoil to fit this earthly bill
Had I hung in, would this had passed, but still
There was always a tomorrow
Tears from someone else’s eyes at the expense of my sorrow
I’m on my ascending pathway
You will see the understanding of this self-demise revealed to you on Judgment Day
There will be no more words from you to say
When you’re dealing with the mental blues I know it’s not my call
I have to pass this insight of this universal protocol
I was ordained and yes, I want my Angel wings
Sent back here to say or do some strange things
All for a great cause
Under God’s universal laws
However, I will never know where you come from
Slow down, let’s talk, I may be able to tell you how to channel that raging weather, and then some
This is not a fad, way out, or words to get lost in
Surrendering your last breath is when your life truly begins
You think you are experiencing hell on earth now
Going up against God with the excuse I refuse to give earth my final bow
Trust me you shall reap what you sow upon its disavowal
No reasons accepted I thought this was my only way out from a mental drought
A shake of God’s head for an eternal lockout
It hurts if only you knew from the soul’s earthly remembrance to let it be
At the Pearly Gates begging if only you could see
Do not allow your mind to attempt to unlocked God’s universal mysterious
You can’t
Therefore, when you’re feeling down, pray, meditate, or chant
No one wants to come back here
And still adhere
To the same plan you thought for a quick escape
Accepting your fate again on this planet we call earth, denied until you reshape
Trust me that’s not a Heavenly debate
At any rate
You never get those moments in time to backdate
When in doubt, talk it out, take medication if you must to get you through
I know this has been tried and true
Just please keep this angle of view in mind
And allow your thoughts to naturally unwind
Channel your temple and leave the negative energy of your mind behind
Once you close your eyes
No more second chances to understand, the what, when, or the whys
Written by SweetKittyCat5
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I stand in your solidarity for others, and for your words of encouragement for anyone who feels suicide is there way out, my poet
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
my condolences to you and your people. my ex, the mother of my children tried it many times, many different ways. one time she woke me up, stood in front of the bed then set herself on fire. her nightgown went up in a blaze. another time she dived out of a two story window. she died last June of a broken ankle (some complications which have yet to be clarified)
thing is, don't judge people. you have no idea what is going through their head, what kind of abject sadness, shame, worthless-ness they are feeling . or what kind of mental illness drives them over the line .. cos it can't be easy
thing is, don't judge people. you have no idea what is going through their head, what kind of abject sadness, shame, worthless-ness they are feeling . or what kind of mental illness drives them over the line .. cos it can't be easy
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
Two times survivor. Much better headspace these days.
An ex of mine also drank a bottle of bleach and a shit tonne of pills. Nobody knew he was there for about a month.
You’re right — it changes those left behind.
My heart goes out to you and I just want you to know that you are seen and heard here. Allow yourself the space to process it however you need.
Unfortunately, the sad truth is there is no logic to it. Those who commit the act aren’t thinking clearly, and those left behind wonder why. That’s why it’s so important to get people talking while they’re here.
I would literally go out of my way to make sure that somebody else in that state was listened too. It’s just maintaining that culture of kindness and openness I think.
I’m open to talk to, should anybody need too. But yeah, Lepp’s also got a point in that we just have no idea what’s going on in a person’s life / head.
Guess we just all have to look out for each other the best we can. 😊
An ex of mine also drank a bottle of bleach and a shit tonne of pills. Nobody knew he was there for about a month.
You’re right — it changes those left behind.
My heart goes out to you and I just want you to know that you are seen and heard here. Allow yourself the space to process it however you need.
Unfortunately, the sad truth is there is no logic to it. Those who commit the act aren’t thinking clearly, and those left behind wonder why. That’s why it’s so important to get people talking while they’re here.
I would literally go out of my way to make sure that somebody else in that state was listened too. It’s just maintaining that culture of kindness and openness I think.
I’m open to talk to, should anybody need too. But yeah, Lepp’s also got a point in that we just have no idea what’s going on in a person’s life / head.
Guess we just all have to look out for each other the best we can. 😊
I have actually been in that dark place where you sometimes cannot see any hope at all in life and dying seems to look better than going on living in those awful moments. I came pretty close to dying from suicide a couple of times too... there was this one time when I sliced my entire arms deep, from my wrists to my elbows, but thanks to the unusual way my body heals itself sometimes I survived the foolish suicide attempt and lived to see better times. Another time, I had all these aspirins in front of me (I am deathly allergic to aspirins), and I seriously thought about taking the whole bottle. But there was a certain person there by my side... who talked me out of ending my life, and in time I came to see the hope that I could not see before. He told me that he could not bear to think of what his life would be like without me... and that touched my heart so deeply, that I realized I still had so much to give in this world, and someone truly special to give a great deal to. Death can be the worst for those we leave behind...
When I was sixteen years old, I fell in love with a girl named Andrea. She and I basically had our whole life together all planned out... what we were going to do, where we were going to live, and how great our life was going to go. She was murdered (beaten to death) by her horrible tyrant of a father not long after he had murdered her little sister previously, and because they were immigrants from some part of Eastern Europe (I don't think she ever told me exactly where it was, only that it was around the Romania area or thereabouts), her father was deported back there to face justice for his crimes. I can only assume that he either got life in prison or the death penalty... either way, he surely got what he deserved for snuffing out two beautiful lights from this world. Her death... broke me... in ways I never imagined that I could be broken at all. And for the longest time, I was darn near suicidal in life and had a bit of a death wish. This made me very confrontational, prone to extremely angry outbursts, and fits of screaming or crying hysterically. I suppose it drove me a bit crazy for a good many years after her death, and it took a long time to heal from that. For a good decade or so, I made myself even forget her name in an attempt to move on from my grief over her death... but one day I came to the realization that forgetting what happened would never be possible. I kept having dreams about her, and in those dreams, I heard her name spoken once again. I allowed myself to remember that name and all it had meant to me. So, I had to come to terms with her loss and that it would always be a painful part of me no matter how much time might pass. But the flip side is that it hurt so deeply (that loss) because of how deeply we had loved each other! And so, I could never forget her passing any more than I could ever forget the love we shared. These days, I can talk about her without wanting to go crazy and die, and I can see in peoples' hearts how deep loss can change you in so many ways. Life is such a precious gift we are given, and I think what grieves me the most sometimes is to see how certain people treat that gift so poorly! I try always to think about those around me who love me, and I continue to live not just for my sake but for theirs as well, since I know my death would hurt them irreparably. Sadly... not everyone can muster that same strength.
When I was sixteen years old, I fell in love with a girl named Andrea. She and I basically had our whole life together all planned out... what we were going to do, where we were going to live, and how great our life was going to go. She was murdered (beaten to death) by her horrible tyrant of a father not long after he had murdered her little sister previously, and because they were immigrants from some part of Eastern Europe (I don't think she ever told me exactly where it was, only that it was around the Romania area or thereabouts), her father was deported back there to face justice for his crimes. I can only assume that he either got life in prison or the death penalty... either way, he surely got what he deserved for snuffing out two beautiful lights from this world. Her death... broke me... in ways I never imagined that I could be broken at all. And for the longest time, I was darn near suicidal in life and had a bit of a death wish. This made me very confrontational, prone to extremely angry outbursts, and fits of screaming or crying hysterically. I suppose it drove me a bit crazy for a good many years after her death, and it took a long time to heal from that. For a good decade or so, I made myself even forget her name in an attempt to move on from my grief over her death... but one day I came to the realization that forgetting what happened would never be possible. I kept having dreams about her, and in those dreams, I heard her name spoken once again. I allowed myself to remember that name and all it had meant to me. So, I had to come to terms with her loss and that it would always be a painful part of me no matter how much time might pass. But the flip side is that it hurt so deeply (that loss) because of how deeply we had loved each other! And so, I could never forget her passing any more than I could ever forget the love we shared. These days, I can talk about her without wanting to go crazy and die, and I can see in peoples' hearts how deep loss can change you in so many ways. Life is such a precious gift we are given, and I think what grieves me the most sometimes is to see how certain people treat that gift so poorly! I try always to think about those around me who love me, and I continue to live not just for my sake but for theirs as well, since I know my death would hurt them irreparably. Sadly... not everyone can muster that same strength.
