Poetry competition CLOSED 15th September 2020 7:17am
WINNER
Calamityofgin
Calamityofgin
RUNNERS-UP:
MalcolmJThePoet
and Kaden_Malis
aftermath of addiction
addiction
trapped in a room in my mind
dark and dank
all alone begging for a break
the cold sweats begin
withdrawals have come
to curse your soul
and bring you disgust
disgust towards yourself
in your very existence
dreading everyday you have to live in
so when the doctor asks me
how are you doing?
I plaster on a smile and say what they want to hear
in fear of more rehab, institutions and treatment
I fear being honest even in my own head
every night in bed praying for strength
I do admit i am running short and I feel blank
The drugs gave me solace
and all the warmth I never had
sobriety a foreign concept
one that made me sick to think of
how wonderful the blow was it made me feel
like I was a genius
how wonderful the pills calmed my nightmares
how wonderful the herione hugged me in a way no one else could
despite it all nowadays i have to look forward
away from my addict mind
It is hard and painful most days
But never in my life have i been closer to myself
dark and dank
all alone begging for a break
the cold sweats begin
withdrawals have come
to curse your soul
and bring you disgust
disgust towards yourself
in your very existence
dreading everyday you have to live in
so when the doctor asks me
how are you doing?
I plaster on a smile and say what they want to hear
in fear of more rehab, institutions and treatment
I fear being honest even in my own head
every night in bed praying for strength
I do admit i am running short and I feel blank
The drugs gave me solace
and all the warmth I never had
sobriety a foreign concept
one that made me sick to think of
how wonderful the blow was it made me feel
like I was a genius
how wonderful the pills calmed my nightmares
how wonderful the herione hugged me in a way no one else could
despite it all nowadays i have to look forward
away from my addict mind
It is hard and painful most days
But never in my life have i been closer to myself
Written by clairethepoet
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My lost weekend
A lost day here
A lost day there
It didn't bother me
I didn't care
The days started adding up
But I still drank from the cup
My lost weekend
Got lost with the passing days
I woke up and didn't know
Where I was or where to go
The man in the mirror
Was someone I didn't know
It was my worst fear
Mind stripped of it's gears
I'd been in a walking coma
The lost weekend had turned to years
A lost day there
It didn't bother me
I didn't care
The days started adding up
But I still drank from the cup
My lost weekend
Got lost with the passing days
I woke up and didn't know
Where I was or where to go
The man in the mirror
Was someone I didn't know
It was my worst fear
Mind stripped of it's gears
I'd been in a walking coma
The lost weekend had turned to years
Written by Kaden_Malis
(Kaden Malis)
Go To Page
A lost day here
A lost day there
It didn't bother me
I didn't care
The days started adding up
But I still drank from the cup
My lost weekend
Got lost with the passing days
I woke up and didn't know
Where I was or where to go
The man in the mirror
Was someone I didn't know
It was my worst fear
Mind stripped of it's gears
I'd been in a walking coma
The lost weekend had turned to years
Written by Kaden_Malis (Kaden Malis)
MAN These words sent a chill
down my spine
I haven't thought about
what I used to be
for a long time
This is one of the best sayings I've read
A lost day there
It didn't bother me
I didn't care
The days started adding up
But I still drank from the cup
My lost weekend
Got lost with the passing days
I woke up and didn't know
Where I was or where to go
The man in the mirror
Was someone I didn't know
It was my worst fear
Mind stripped of it's gears
I'd been in a walking coma
The lost weekend had turned to years
Written by Kaden_Malis (Kaden Malis)
MAN These words sent a chill
down my spine
I haven't thought about
what I used to be
for a long time
This is one of the best sayings I've read
In The Shallow Depths I Sink
My eyeslids turned down,
away from the days light,
unseeing
provides no safe harbor.
Carved into the shadows
of suffering Dahlia, an
image of self loathing
struggles, to break free
of the tangled vine, the liquid
carnage it drowns in.
I stand before the moon,
with nothing to offer.
Hands clenched I hold tight
my desires for the drug- laced
days of complacency.
Its warmth I have
known. I call my own
Her eyes like bloodstone
turn away from the fools
gold blown in by shifting
winds
Like glitter, it sticks on her lip
She laughs, as sounds
of a grieving dove spill
from her mouth
I have fallen, my ankles sink,
my limbs bare lying prostrate submerged in grief
I surrender I reflect, I receive,
I heal
away from the days light,
unseeing
provides no safe harbor.
Carved into the shadows
of suffering Dahlia, an
image of self loathing
struggles, to break free
of the tangled vine, the liquid
carnage it drowns in.
I stand before the moon,
with nothing to offer.
Hands clenched I hold tight
my desires for the drug- laced
days of complacency.
Its warmth I have
known. I call my own
Her eyes like bloodstone
turn away from the fools
gold blown in by shifting
winds
Like glitter, it sticks on her lip
She laughs, as sounds
of a grieving dove spill
from her mouth
I have fallen, my ankles sink,
my limbs bare lying prostrate submerged in grief
I surrender I reflect, I receive,
I heal
Written by Valeriyabeyond
(Dhyana)
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Losing Everything to Addiction
Pills and potions could never fix
The unfixable. I was looking into
Your bloodshot eyes and realized
That I was losing you to the pain
You were trying to hide. You mix
And stir everything up. You drew
Me in, but you always despised
My sunshine and smiles. The rain
And cloudy skies were becoming
Too pitch black and ominous for
A twisted soul like yours to deal
With. You turned to your demons
Instead. They take the incoming
Light somewhere else. The floor
Becomes your home as you feel
The weight of the bottle. Seasons
Change, but you see a quick flash
Of your future in the grave alone
As you lost everything in the fire
Including love and light you once
Cherished. You wanted to clash
Over everything. I have shown
You every time the strong desire
To love yourself despite months
Of uncertainty should outweigh
Your yearning to drink yourself
Into oblivion. You chose living
With addiction instead of trying
To live soberly. You never pray
For grace or for filling your shelf
With good memories. Forgiving
Yourself is never easy, but dying
Should never be in the forefront
Of your mind. You lost the sun
While you were looking for any
And every ounce of darkness.
I can see through the cold front
As you are not fooling anyone,
Not even yourself. You lost many
People and your bleak starkness.
So do not blame me for whatever
You lost as you keep struggling
To stay afloat. You pulled the lever
On the war you gave up battling.
The unfixable. I was looking into
Your bloodshot eyes and realized
That I was losing you to the pain
You were trying to hide. You mix
And stir everything up. You drew
Me in, but you always despised
My sunshine and smiles. The rain
And cloudy skies were becoming
Too pitch black and ominous for
A twisted soul like yours to deal
With. You turned to your demons
Instead. They take the incoming
Light somewhere else. The floor
Becomes your home as you feel
The weight of the bottle. Seasons
Change, but you see a quick flash
Of your future in the grave alone
As you lost everything in the fire
Including love and light you once
Cherished. You wanted to clash
Over everything. I have shown
You every time the strong desire
To love yourself despite months
Of uncertainty should outweigh
Your yearning to drink yourself
Into oblivion. You chose living
With addiction instead of trying
To live soberly. You never pray
For grace or for filling your shelf
With good memories. Forgiving
Yourself is never easy, but dying
Should never be in the forefront
Of your mind. You lost the sun
While you were looking for any
And every ounce of darkness.
I can see through the cold front
As you are not fooling anyone,
Not even yourself. You lost many
People and your bleak starkness.
So do not blame me for whatever
You lost as you keep struggling
To stay afloat. You pulled the lever
On the war you gave up battling.
Written by eswaller
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Imploded....
I stand on the sidewalk, a deafening blast
and a building I visited and worked in
just imploded . Destruction of a landmark
always there, diminishes us all. Now just
a pile of rubble, to be recycled or worse.
Ray and I grew up together. school,, sports,
dances, dates and the introduction to alcohol.
We thought it cool to by beer and drink our
way to unconsciousness. The difference was
that I grew up, Ray didn’t.
Ray got into sales, parties, after hours drinks,
transitioned from beer to hard liquor. He started
drinking before calls, got caught and dismissed.
That left him all day to drown his sorrows. He
became depressed and turned to drugs. Pills,
at first then ventured into the needle. He
became homeless and became a sleeper
on friends couches. That didn’t last and he
ended up on park benches.
They found him in a doorway across from
the imploded building. The remains of
what used to be.
Written by anvinvil
(Anvillan)
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Twenty Something
I wish that I could remember
The time of someone’s life that wasn’t mine
Claim accomplishment, technicolour
Fame and laughter, heights I’d climb
I was so very great, I must have been
To accumulate so much That I forgot it all
Pitch and toss, bottle fall
A photograph to whom it may concern
It added up to snow in summer sun
Said and done, nothing at all
From glass to bottle learn and turn
I to whom or what was that aye
Drowned, awash did not die
No rock salvation moored
Redemption and lime I poured
Lost and gone, love and time
Yesterday, tomorrow black not grey
Sorrows stain not washed away
I’ve borrowed what is mine
My laments’ debt not paid
Regret the dance away I fade
Before and now they turned around
Future not past I drowned
The time of someone’s life that wasn’t mine
Claim accomplishment, technicolour
Fame and laughter, heights I’d climb
I was so very great, I must have been
To accumulate so much That I forgot it all
Pitch and toss, bottle fall
A photograph to whom it may concern
It added up to snow in summer sun
Said and done, nothing at all
From glass to bottle learn and turn
I to whom or what was that aye
Drowned, awash did not die
No rock salvation moored
Redemption and lime I poured
Lost and gone, love and time
Yesterday, tomorrow black not grey
Sorrows stain not washed away
I’ve borrowed what is mine
My laments’ debt not paid
Regret the dance away I fade
Before and now they turned around
Future not past I drowned
Written by Henry_Hershel
(Henry Herschel)
Go To Page
Anonymous
On walls of some homes
I had cried out for home
In the midst of all out wreckage
An onslaught of bad days
Bad people
Bad things to do
To good people
To feed a bad habit
There lay my bad seed soul on the filthy carpet
I had rolled on it
I had taken a nap on it
And the polyester fibers
Had attached themselves to my brain
The pseudo soft mesh of red dirty
twisted into grey matter
And I cried out for home
God I believe
And no words for him
Aside from that thing
In my tummy
Wrenching that I needed him
And to the alleys again
Once more in the morning after
I pulled myself up
Sticky faced
And mouth curved an OG grin
With hip walk down lick street
My lean serious
My intent Ill
The illest
Then behind me sirens spin
‘‘Twas the cop
From the night before
Or, the night of
Whenever
Or the day I
And I probably did
I don’t remember
But he was sure of it
And my wrists were soon tight with steel
Key lock
And pale faced feeling
Drained to my knees the rest of me
Slid into seat
Customary head tuck
And to county jail
Booked in
Fucked up
Off grin
I had been too tired
To argue much that stripes and numbers were not my color
I was going to stay a while
A little vaca a go go
Hell no you can’t leave
But
At last a place to really sleep
And eat
(Insert here any form of gelatinous ooze)
And just to break the serious monotonous
Time......
....................(you cannot imagine what whir lies between those kind of) ........ticks....
I found my hustle
For a beautifully
Artfully
Passionately rendered Madonna and child I did for a stud broad
She traded me three e gig filters
(I shoved up my asshole)
Aughhh...
“nicotine baby, hadn’t seen you in a while.”
And I considered this
And I asked why
She had fortuned my rectum with this wealth
A big woman they called Squirrel
Who had sported stripes on the daily
And would be for 15 plus more years
Said to me
“Because I need to make these grey walls home.”
She stuck up the Madonna
With toothpaste and spit
And sat down to pray
And here’s the thing
About God
And
About stud broads called Squirrel
Both have quite the surprising answers
To questions
You ask
Or prayers you did not know you’d cried out
Prayers like
I want to go home
And big bad women
With our lady of perpetual hope
Lightening the dark of their eye
Show you how to make it
In the midst of all out wreckage
An onslaught of bad days
Bad people
Bad things to do
To good people
To feed a bad habit
There lay my bad seed soul on the filthy carpet
I had rolled on it
I had taken a nap on it
And the polyester fibers
Had attached themselves to my brain
The pseudo soft mesh of red dirty
twisted into grey matter
And I cried out for home
God I believe
And no words for him
Aside from that thing
In my tummy
Wrenching that I needed him
And to the alleys again
Once more in the morning after
I pulled myself up
Sticky faced
And mouth curved an OG grin
With hip walk down lick street
My lean serious
My intent Ill
The illest
Then behind me sirens spin
‘‘Twas the cop
From the night before
Or, the night of
Whenever
Or the day I
And I probably did
I don’t remember
But he was sure of it
And my wrists were soon tight with steel
Key lock
And pale faced feeling
Drained to my knees the rest of me
Slid into seat
Customary head tuck
And to county jail
Booked in
Fucked up
Off grin
I had been too tired
To argue much that stripes and numbers were not my color
I was going to stay a while
A little vaca a go go
Hell no you can’t leave
But
At last a place to really sleep
And eat
(Insert here any form of gelatinous ooze)
And just to break the serious monotonous
Time......
....................(you cannot imagine what whir lies between those kind of) ........ticks....
I found my hustle
For a beautifully
Artfully
Passionately rendered Madonna and child I did for a stud broad
She traded me three e gig filters
(I shoved up my asshole)
Aughhh...
“nicotine baby, hadn’t seen you in a while.”
And I considered this
And I asked why
She had fortuned my rectum with this wealth
A big woman they called Squirrel
Who had sported stripes on the daily
And would be for 15 plus more years
Said to me
“Because I need to make these grey walls home.”
She stuck up the Madonna
With toothpaste and spit
And sat down to pray
And here’s the thing
About God
And
About stud broads called Squirrel
Both have quite the surprising answers
To questions
You ask
Or prayers you did not know you’d cried out
Prayers like
I want to go home
And big bad women
With our lady of perpetual hope
Lightening the dark of their eye
Show you how to make it
Written by Calamityofgin
Go To Page
My Pen Is My Needle
I pour out my soul
My soul bleed
From my pen leak ink
Like a needle to my veins
My pen is my needle
My poetry is my high
My emotions is my words
I leave bloodstains on my page
I let go of so much pain
My heart is full of rain
I flood my pillow with tears
My pen is my needle to my veins
I get high off my feelings
I give it all I got
I leave it all on the line
Never looking back
My past is my addiction
So im addicted to pain
And my pain is my dope
To cope with the agony
Of being left alone
The home is vacant
I cannot find my peace
Because love doesn't live here
My pen is my needle
To get high
My soul bleed
From my pen leak ink
Like a needle to my veins
My pen is my needle
My poetry is my high
My emotions is my words
I leave bloodstains on my page
I let go of so much pain
My heart is full of rain
I flood my pillow with tears
My pen is my needle to my veins
I get high off my feelings
I give it all I got
I leave it all on the line
Never looking back
My past is my addiction
So im addicted to pain
And my pain is my dope
To cope with the agony
Of being left alone
The home is vacant
I cannot find my peace
Because love doesn't live here
My pen is my needle
To get high
Written by MalcolmJThePoet
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Addiction Is A Cruel Mistress (Twisted Sister, Evil Twin)
Addiction Is a cruel mistress
robbing you of your freedom
and choice
warping your desires
turning you into a liar
before you even notice
she's thrown you into the fire
Addiction is a twisted sister
telling you the big lie
everything's alright
you aren't hurting anyone
until she removes your loved ones
from you one by one
your job is next just like your home
until you find you're all alone
Addiction is an evil twin
who tells you that you could
walk away so easily but she's a tease
satan's slut who takes you through
hell's gates then slams them in your face
She patiently awaits your fall
laughing as she watches you crawl then hit the wall
damn those demons straight to hell
robbing you of your freedom
and choice
warping your desires
turning you into a liar
before you even notice
she's thrown you into the fire
Addiction is a twisted sister
telling you the big lie
everything's alright
you aren't hurting anyone
until she removes your loved ones
from you one by one
your job is next just like your home
until you find you're all alone
Addiction is an evil twin
who tells you that you could
walk away so easily but she's a tease
satan's slut who takes you through
hell's gates then slams them in your face
She patiently awaits your fall
laughing as she watches you crawl then hit the wall
damn those demons straight to hell
Written by faithmairee
(Faith Elizabeth Brigham)
Go To Page
Falling Man
The art of gravity defined
for some on life that teniuos grip
the loss of faith
the backwards into unknown place
the mountineer that scales the face
the risk they take
the footholds on reality
quakes in our minds vibrate
life flash before your eyes
a hotizontal scream
a flailing mind
the top of life you left behind
for gravity as Newtons laws relate
centers us keeps us straight
but concequence can override
to trip and fall and downward fly
the arch that could be the last goodbye you screamed
impact your "whatever" future disappears
and hopes you had the safety rope
suspended time to clutch and grope
the falcons dive upon the mouse
to grasp at straws the world snatched back
to know that it was all just faff
for you were wrecked before the crash
a crucifix on a silver chain
was heaven waiting for your broken remains
the purgatory rebuild you to walk again
sent you back to break addiction's chain
for some on life that teniuos grip
the loss of faith
the backwards into unknown place
the mountineer that scales the face
the risk they take
the footholds on reality
quakes in our minds vibrate
life flash before your eyes
a hotizontal scream
a flailing mind
the top of life you left behind
for gravity as Newtons laws relate
centers us keeps us straight
but concequence can override
to trip and fall and downward fly
the arch that could be the last goodbye you screamed
impact your "whatever" future disappears
and hopes you had the safety rope
suspended time to clutch and grope
the falcons dive upon the mouse
to grasp at straws the world snatched back
to know that it was all just faff
for you were wrecked before the crash
a crucifix on a silver chain
was heaven waiting for your broken remains
the purgatory rebuild you to walk again
sent you back to break addiction's chain
Written by slipalong
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Sickened love
He is, my greatest and only habitual addiction, but I am not his....
He voyages on the whims of sins shaken from the Devil's hooves.
My cries mistaken for rain on this fogged and
befriended window yet again. It shares of its cracks and
breaking that mimic the fragments of my once whole heart.
My beautiful youth shown in this window's reflection
many years. An older more regretful
face reflects in reply this evening, as I wait to see the dust clouds that trails behind his return when home is remembered.
And there he is once again.
Everything I love, in one body, in one exhale of relief, returning to
the surviving fool. I, the dependent one that keeps
comfort and necessity near and this mirage of marriage, married. I am the wife that wears the ring, sporting the jester's hat.
Vowed in chains that wraps
its strength around my blackened finger. He will never let me leave.... and I have not the will to abandon him as he does me.
I have found love within misery and
abandonment within need.... I hold on to what
days belong to me and nights when my
hands find not emptiness, but loves fond requests
from the purse of absence, I give in to hope.
I serve him my pleading words on a mirrored platter, he consumes as he does and
spits out another lie between his saddening sorries of meant words and family photos.
My sickened love is my own enemy and
my physical heart must find death to part from this everything of mine.
My frailty and fight lives to lose
another day. And I ? I will allow it to do so within my own twisted familiarity of love gone sour.
May death part us and my love restored to its proper, no matter the introduction. And still, I have yet to see, in fear of its depth, if for me, such a hope is even possible...
He voyages on the whims of sins shaken from the Devil's hooves.
My cries mistaken for rain on this fogged and
befriended window yet again. It shares of its cracks and
breaking that mimic the fragments of my once whole heart.
My beautiful youth shown in this window's reflection
many years. An older more regretful
face reflects in reply this evening, as I wait to see the dust clouds that trails behind his return when home is remembered.
And there he is once again.
Everything I love, in one body, in one exhale of relief, returning to
the surviving fool. I, the dependent one that keeps
comfort and necessity near and this mirage of marriage, married. I am the wife that wears the ring, sporting the jester's hat.
Vowed in chains that wraps
its strength around my blackened finger. He will never let me leave.... and I have not the will to abandon him as he does me.
I have found love within misery and
abandonment within need.... I hold on to what
days belong to me and nights when my
hands find not emptiness, but loves fond requests
from the purse of absence, I give in to hope.
I serve him my pleading words on a mirrored platter, he consumes as he does and
spits out another lie between his saddening sorries of meant words and family photos.
My sickened love is my own enemy and
my physical heart must find death to part from this everything of mine.
My frailty and fight lives to lose
another day. And I ? I will allow it to do so within my own twisted familiarity of love gone sour.
May death part us and my love restored to its proper, no matter the introduction. And still, I have yet to see, in fear of its depth, if for me, such a hope is even possible...
Written by Darkpoetria
(DarkOakPoetry)
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