Poetry competition CLOSED 12th November 2019 8:25pm
WINNER
wallyroo92
wallyroo92
RUNNERS-UP:
Jade-Pandora
and Razzerleaf
Cafe Critique 2 Limericks
Poetry Contest Description
Write 2 Limericks
Write 2 Limericks
1. Traditional and humorous
2. Non-traditional Dark, morbid or sad
No rules, post as many as you like
Three weeks
Most of all - HAVE FUN
LIMERICKS
Limericks poems are five lines long which is a 5 line stand-alone poem.
The rhyming structure is
AABBA
The meter must follow the pattern:
Tra da | tra da | tra | da
Tra da | tra da | tra | da
Tra da | tra da
Tra da | tra da
Tra da | tra da | tra | da
Lines 1, 2 and 5 are the same, and 3 and 4 are the same
Here are some examples:
It doesn't | surprise me | at | all | (A)
The reasons | you're having | A | Ball | (A)
You're so |very Drunk (B)
Your dancing | to Punk (B)
And soon | you will have | A | great fall (A)
A Japanese woman | called | Wang
Who farted a lot | when | she sang
She farted | in tune
Like a classic | bassoon
And the concert | went with | a bang
A Dark One
I sliced off | her face | with a knife
Despite | the fact she | was my wife
She had | an affair
Like she didn't | care
And so | I ended | her life
For more information on limericks go to:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/groups/cafe-critique/discussion/1728/
1. Traditional and humorous
2. Non-traditional Dark, morbid or sad
No rules, post as many as you like
Three weeks
Most of all - HAVE FUN
LIMERICKS
Limericks poems are five lines long which is a 5 line stand-alone poem.
The rhyming structure is
AABBA
The meter must follow the pattern:
Tra da | tra da | tra | da
Tra da | tra da | tra | da
Tra da | tra da
Tra da | tra da
Tra da | tra da | tra | da
Lines 1, 2 and 5 are the same, and 3 and 4 are the same
Here are some examples:
It doesn't | surprise me | at | all | (A)
The reasons | you're having | A | Ball | (A)
You're so |very Drunk (B)
Your dancing | to Punk (B)
And soon | you will have | A | great fall (A)
A Japanese woman | called | Wang
Who farted a lot | when | she sang
She farted | in tune
Like a classic | bassoon
And the concert | went with | a bang
A Dark One
I sliced off | her face | with a knife
Despite | the fact she | was my wife
She had | an affair
Like she didn't | care
And so | I ended | her life
For more information on limericks go to:
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/groups/cafe-critique/discussion/1728/
The Elevation Limerick
The problem I had: Elevation
Causing me much aggravation
She said “Come up the stair”
“To bed if you dare!”
It just led to further frustration
I went out with a nurse on a luncheon
The metaphor used: jelly truncheon
She said “Oh you poor man”
“I’ll do what I can”
“To cure your erectile dysfunction”
The surgeon said I wasn’t ill
Not a mountain to climb, just a hill
This will work to perfection
To restore your erection
Pre-sex just take this blue pill
Despite his advice, I had doubt
I undressed whilst wearing a pout
She said so demure
Are you really sure
No I’m not cause it keeps falling out
It would help if my thing was more hollow
In frustration, I started to wallow
She said “stop your racket,
And show me the packet”
“Like me, your requested to swallow”
Took advice I found on my Kindle
And swallowed to prove not a swindle
She said “please don’t run,
We’re just having fun”
I pole-vaulted out of the window.
The problem I had: Elevation
Causing me much aggravation
She said “Come up the stair”
“To bed if you dare!”
It just led to further frustration
I went out with a nurse on a luncheon
The metaphor used: jelly truncheon
She said “Oh you poor man”
“I’ll do what I can”
“To cure your erectile dysfunction”
The surgeon said I wasn’t ill
Not a mountain to climb, just a hill
This will work to perfection
To restore your erection
Pre-sex just take this blue pill
Despite his advice, I had doubt
I undressed whilst wearing a pout
She said so demure
Are you really sure
No I’m not cause it keeps falling out
It would help if my thing was more hollow
In frustration, I started to wallow
She said “stop your racket,
And show me the packet”
“Like me, your requested to swallow”
Took advice I found on my Kindle
And swallowed to prove not a swindle
She said “please don’t run,
We’re just having fun”
I pole-vaulted out of the window.
Some examples 
Embrace The Darkness (Limericks)
(i) Murder
I plunged the sharp knife right in
put body parts straight in the bin
on the bins collection
I got an erection
It's a shame that murder's a sin
(ii) Precision
I can't hide from the feelings inside
for months I've just cried and cried
a warm bath and razor
precise like a laser
in my bathtub is where I'll abide
(iii) Dead
You're a pervert is what she said
necrophilia is shagging the dead
but they're good to go
they never say no
I'll murder then fuck you instead
(iv) Killer
they called me a serial killer
named Atilla the eye socked driller
after torture and beating
cut body parts for eating
I kept them fresh in the chiller
(v) Cuts
Of self-cutting, I am truly devout
sharp blades I am never without
slicing cutting
considering gutting
to let all my evil get out
(vi) Whores
whores turn me completely berserk
tempting an innocent jerk
I pretend to have bought her
she's a target for slaughter
but I'm doing Gods' righteous work
(vii) Heartbreak
if considering breaking my heart
be sure I will rip you apart
you once were my wife
you now feel the knife
and this my heart will restart
"Not a Competition Entry"
Embrace The Darkness (Limericks)
(i) Murder
I plunged the sharp knife right in
put body parts straight in the bin
on the bins collection
I got an erection
It's a shame that murder's a sin
(ii) Precision
I can't hide from the feelings inside
for months I've just cried and cried
a warm bath and razor
precise like a laser
in my bathtub is where I'll abide
(iii) Dead
You're a pervert is what she said
necrophilia is shagging the dead
but they're good to go
they never say no
I'll murder then fuck you instead
(iv) Killer
they called me a serial killer
named Atilla the eye socked driller
after torture and beating
cut body parts for eating
I kept them fresh in the chiller
(v) Cuts
Of self-cutting, I am truly devout
sharp blades I am never without
slicing cutting
considering gutting
to let all my evil get out
(vi) Whores
whores turn me completely berserk
tempting an innocent jerk
I pretend to have bought her
she's a target for slaughter
but I'm doing Gods' righteous work
(vii) Heartbreak
if considering breaking my heart
be sure I will rip you apart
you once were my wife
you now feel the knife
and this my heart will restart
"Not a Competition Entry"
Limericks: No Foul
I wake up early just to seize the day
I take my friends along to show the way
On mountaintops we’ll shout
To spread the word about
A new exciting rhyme that’s here to stay!
It’s lim’ricks safe & sane, happy & clean
G-rated “good” for pets & sans obscene
They’re all the rage this year
And fortified, I hear
It’s all clear from the Towers to the Queen.
The Lifers and the Lobbyists all pray,
Reciting lines of humor will hold sway;
To send their message clear
Without insults to jeer
As long as words are pasteurized to say.
So now in future let us not delay
In pubs & barbershops let ye make hay
Without the strain and stress
Forever may it bless
I bet it keeps the cavities away!
In closing is a final thought from me
Of Lim’s newfound respectability
You’ll always get a laugh
Just separate the chaff
To keep the faith will always be the key.
Written by Jade-Pandora
(jade tiger)
Go To Page
From Case Files Dark as Night
To start off with, po’et Paul Ruddy,
Who wrote all his dark po’ems bloody:
Took a penknife in hand
And went straight for the gland—
A curious writer to study.
The next in my files, name of Bobby,
He murdered his prose as a hobby:
Slit each plot in the neck,
Ev’ry one hit the deck,
Never knew where he hid the body.
I’ll skip to the writer Saul Biddy,
Was born and had died in the city:
Homicide he would write,
Lots of killing in spite
Was murdered himself, what a pity.
Here’s a file I’d forgotten by chance,
Milly Saber, Poetess of Dance:
With her nose out of joint,
She’d still do it on point,
Rival lovers she’d neatly dispatch.
Now, the file of a Bethany Hope,
That her readers considered like dope:
Overdosing on meth
From the po’ems of Beth,
They were fatally drawn to her trope.
At last we have Bill nicknamed Foureyes,
It’s his claim he wrote “Lord of the Flies”.
Local boys don’t come near,
They know he smells their fear,
And might end up his next Shepherd’s Pie.
It’s time I go home for my dinner,
I’m the only one the breadwinner.
There’s leftover stir-fry,
For a taste you would die
The fate of a lottery winner.
Written by Jade-Pandora
(jade tiger)
Go To Page
not so White House...Limerick
The White House is in the pottage
Trump's ego they soothe with l'hommage…
So is it any wonder...
the U.S falls asunder
As he panders his base with frottage...
Written by Ely
(E.A.Rothwell)
Go To Page
Bon Apetít ...Limerick
A bistro in old New Orleans...
was well-known for its rice and red beans.
The patrons cut farts
well known in these parts
for blowing the seats off their jeans.
was well-known for its rice and red beans.
The patrons cut farts
well known in these parts
for blowing the seats off their jeans.
Written by Ely
(E.A.Rothwell)
Go To Page
Limerick... Caught in the Headlights Again
Egotistical twit we'll call Trump
On T.V called the White House a dump.!
At his best, silly ass
is possessed of no class.
At his worst, makes twin moons with his rump.
On T.V called the White House a dump.!
At his best, silly ass
is possessed of no class.
At his worst, makes twin moons with his rump.
Written by Ely
(E.A.Rothwell)
Go To Page
In-Humanity...Limerick
In some Humans there's nothing humane...
We're a species decidedly lame.
There are folks who think nothing
to profit off suffering
It's a wonder we don't die of SHAME!
We're a species decidedly lame.
There are folks who think nothing
to profit off suffering
It's a wonder we don't die of SHAME!
Written by Ely
(E.A.Rothwell)
Go To Page
Don't Judge a Book by its Cover...Limerick
There once was a laddie named Charming
with demeanor distinctly disarming...
But the boy was a lout...
preferring to pout
and make faces that
were quite alarming. *Jº
with demeanor distinctly disarming...
But the boy was a lout...
preferring to pout
and make faces that
were quite alarming. *Jº
Written by Ely
(E.A.Rothwell)
Go To Page
