Poetry competition CLOSED 12th November 2019 8:25pm
WINNER
wallyroo92
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RUNNERS-UP: Jade-Pandora and Razzerleaf

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Cafe Critique 2 Limericks

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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(i) Stew
Sue was a bear from Peru
Addicted to sniffing the glue
With her drooling and frothing
Made her good for nothing
The  Chef put her right in the stew


A non-entry

Ely
Ely
E.A.Rothwell
Dangerous Mind
Mexico
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The Lout... Limerick

 
There once was a young man, a lout
thought it manly to gross women out
He thought it was sexy
to waggle his dick, he
blew raspberries, tongue sticking out.
Written by Ely (E.A.Rothwell)
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Ely
Ely
E.A.Rothwell
Dangerous Mind
Mexico
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in the style of  Limerick,

The Oval Office is afflicted  
with a resident addicted  
to soothe his fragile ego with hommage... so  
Is it any wonder  
that the country falls asunder  
as he panders to his base and makes frottage?
Written by Ely (E.A.Rothwell)
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David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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Thank you so much Ely, even more, excellent entries :-)))))))))

gardenlover
gardenlover
Fire of Insight
United Kingdom
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Joined 19th Aug 2012
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Mixed limericks

As the planet gets much warmer
And the storms will blow much stronger
Can we survive
All stay alive
Or will we all die of hunger?

An old man went to a party
With the girls he appeared hearty
He was hoping for sex
But he lost his specs
And ended up with a harpy

On the beach she exposed her skin
Flaunted her body with a grin
A lad was adroit
And quick to exploit
Did he really commit such a big sin?

She kept her vagina well hidden
To prevent a visit unbidden
But the boys were sly
They all had a try
And some reached the forbidden

Politics has taken such a turn
Like none of us would yearn
Clowns in power
Boobs by the hour
I wish more voters would discern

In the nude she showed off he beauty
She attracted remarks, some fruity
Lads took her to bed
For sex and head
They felt it was their duty
Written by gardenlover
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David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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excellent set of limericks gardenlover, thank you :-))))))))))))))))))))))

wallyroo92
wallyroo92
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Zen and the Art of Fart

(a story in 5 limericks)

The grandmaster seemed to have a sixth sense,
Meditating amidst jade and incense,
When in silence so profound,
The grandmaster made a sound,
That some of us described as flatulence.

We looked at each other in disbelief,
Still staying quiet like a falling leaf,
Resonance like assonance,
Surely sounded like flatulence,
When again, grandmaster found more relief.

But the grandmaster kept still nonetheless,
Deep in meditation with some finesse,
As we kept to reverence,
We could smell the flatulence,
Which the grandmaster would not address.

Our minds could no longer contemplate,
It had become difficult to meditate,
The grandmaster deep in thought,
By now had been clearly caught,
Gases he was trying to liberate!

But the grandmaster then it seemed,
Broke loud wind like we’ve never heard or seen,
Then with wisdom and guidance,
The grandmaster broke his silence,
And said: Excuse me, but I blame the beans.
Written by wallyroo92
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wallyroo92
wallyroo92
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Jackie the Ripper

Jackie was only eleven years old,
When her innocence was taken and sold,
From then on she swore revenge,
Little girls she would avenge,
And a ravenous monster would unfold.
 
She used the internet to set up traps,
For perverted fuckers to go and fap,
They flocked to her profile,
But mostly pedophiles,
Usually pretending to be nice chaps.
 
And when the pedo showed up to her place,
They’d all fall for her beautiful face,
But thinking they had it made,
She would stroke them unafraid,
Then with a blade cut it off at the base.
 
The victim would scream in horror and pain,
She’d smile looking angry and insane,
This wasn’t some child’s play
Predator then became prey,
They had entered her agonizing domain.
 
And for years Jackie has pulled off these tricks,
Legend says she does it for sport and kicks,
So to all perverts beware,
Coming soon is your nightmare,
Jackie is still out there cutting off dicks.
Written by wallyroo92
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David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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WoW! wallyroo - the light and dark is perfectly exposed - Love it excellent entries

Razzerleaf
Razzerleaf
Thought Provoker
United Kingdom
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Limericks

Mike

A renegade rabbit called Mike,
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.

Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.

Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.





The rape of intelligence

There was a young boy called John,
who vandalised cars for fun,
he would scratch them with keys,
kick in panels to please,
and that’s how his story begun.

There was a sad dad called Dave,
who thought he could tell John, behave,
but each night at one,
he lost sight of his son,
blinded by drink in a rage.

There was a good neighbour called George,
who was changing the clutch on his Ford,
now John was there,
and beginning to care,
he asked questions and never got bored.

There was a mad mum called Marg,
who belts John and takes it too far,
leave this man alone,
and get yourself home,
you’re too stupid to work on a car.
Written by Razzerleaf
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David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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wonderfull Razzerleaf, great tight limericks :-))))))))))))))) thank you :-))))))))))

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
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Not long left for this comp - Just a teminder

wallyroo92
wallyroo92
Dangerous Mind
United States
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Oh my goodness. First, let me congratulate Ms. Jade and Razzerleaf on runners up. There were so many really good entries on this comp. Thank you David for hosting and for giving me the honor to walk away with the trophy. I have to say limericks are becoming my favorite as of lately.

Jade-Pandora
Jade-Pandora
jade tiger
Tyrant of Words
United States
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Joined 9th Nov 2015
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Thank you, David, for the opportunity of this particular challenge - I’ve always enjoyed writing limericks, especially in ways people never expect!

I also thank you for being able to share the podium with cup-winner Wally, and brother runner-up Razzerleaf!

Great stuff all ‘round, everyone!

David_Macleod
David_Macleod
David Macleod
Tyrant of Words
United Kingdom
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Joined 5th Nov 2014
Forum Posts: 2324

It was a really good competition and I wholeheartedly thank ever and all entrants for their stellar work. Bothe these comps were so difficult to judge given the quality of the entries - next comp now running - A Scottish Sonnet - thanks jade for the first excellent entry :-)))))))))))

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