Poetry competition CLOSED 12th November 2019 8:25pm
WINNER
wallyroo92
wallyroo92
RUNNERS-UP:
Jade-Pandora
and Razzerleaf
Cafe Critique 2 Limericks
The Lout... Limerick
There once was a young man, a lout
thought it manly to gross women out
He thought it was sexy
to waggle his dick, he
blew raspberries, tongue sticking out.
Written by Ely
(E.A.Rothwell)
Go To Page
in the style of Limerick,
The Oval Office is afflicted
with a resident addicted
to soothe his fragile ego with hommage... so
Is it any wonder
that the country falls asunder
as he panders to his base and makes frottage?
with a resident addicted
to soothe his fragile ego with hommage... so
Is it any wonder
that the country falls asunder
as he panders to his base and makes frottage?
Written by Ely
(E.A.Rothwell)
Go To Page
Mixed limericks
As the planet gets much warmer
And the storms will blow much stronger
Can we survive
All stay alive
Or will we all die of hunger?
An old man went to a party
With the girls he appeared hearty
He was hoping for sex
But he lost his specs
And ended up with a harpy
On the beach she exposed her skin
Flaunted her body with a grin
A lad was adroit
And quick to exploit
Did he really commit such a big sin?
She kept her vagina well hidden
To prevent a visit unbidden
But the boys were sly
They all had a try
And some reached the forbidden
Politics has taken such a turn
Like none of us would yearn
Clowns in power
Boobs by the hour
I wish more voters would discern
In the nude she showed off he beauty
She attracted remarks, some fruity
Lads took her to bed
For sex and head
They felt it was their duty
And the storms will blow much stronger
Can we survive
All stay alive
Or will we all die of hunger?
An old man went to a party
With the girls he appeared hearty
He was hoping for sex
But he lost his specs
And ended up with a harpy
On the beach she exposed her skin
Flaunted her body with a grin
A lad was adroit
And quick to exploit
Did he really commit such a big sin?
She kept her vagina well hidden
To prevent a visit unbidden
But the boys were sly
They all had a try
And some reached the forbidden
Politics has taken such a turn
Like none of us would yearn
Clowns in power
Boobs by the hour
I wish more voters would discern
In the nude she showed off he beauty
She attracted remarks, some fruity
Lads took her to bed
For sex and head
They felt it was their duty
Written by gardenlover
Go To Page
Zen and the Art of Fart
(a story in 5 limericks)
The grandmaster seemed to have a sixth sense,
Meditating amidst jade and incense,
When in silence so profound,
The grandmaster made a sound,
That some of us described as flatulence.
We looked at each other in disbelief,
Still staying quiet like a falling leaf,
Resonance like assonance,
Surely sounded like flatulence,
When again, grandmaster found more relief.
But the grandmaster kept still nonetheless,
Deep in meditation with some finesse,
As we kept to reverence,
We could smell the flatulence,
Which the grandmaster would not address.
Our minds could no longer contemplate,
It had become difficult to meditate,
The grandmaster deep in thought,
By now had been clearly caught,
Gases he was trying to liberate!
But the grandmaster then it seemed,
Broke loud wind like we’ve never heard or seen,
Then with wisdom and guidance,
The grandmaster broke his silence,
And said: Excuse me, but I blame the beans.
The grandmaster seemed to have a sixth sense,
Meditating amidst jade and incense,
When in silence so profound,
The grandmaster made a sound,
That some of us described as flatulence.
We looked at each other in disbelief,
Still staying quiet like a falling leaf,
Resonance like assonance,
Surely sounded like flatulence,
When again, grandmaster found more relief.
But the grandmaster kept still nonetheless,
Deep in meditation with some finesse,
As we kept to reverence,
We could smell the flatulence,
Which the grandmaster would not address.
Our minds could no longer contemplate,
It had become difficult to meditate,
The grandmaster deep in thought,
By now had been clearly caught,
Gases he was trying to liberate!
But the grandmaster then it seemed,
Broke loud wind like we’ve never heard or seen,
Then with wisdom and guidance,
The grandmaster broke his silence,
And said: Excuse me, but I blame the beans.
Written by wallyroo92
Go To Page
Jackie the Ripper
Jackie was only eleven years old,
When her innocence was taken and sold,
From then on she swore revenge,
Little girls she would avenge,
And a ravenous monster would unfold.
She used the internet to set up traps,
For perverted fuckers to go and fap,
They flocked to her profile,
But mostly pedophiles,
Usually pretending to be nice chaps.
And when the pedo showed up to her place,
They’d all fall for her beautiful face,
But thinking they had it made,
She would stroke them unafraid,
Then with a blade cut it off at the base.
The victim would scream in horror and pain,
She’d smile looking angry and insane,
This wasn’t some child’s play
Predator then became prey,
They had entered her agonizing domain.
And for years Jackie has pulled off these tricks,
Legend says she does it for sport and kicks,
So to all perverts beware,
Coming soon is your nightmare,
Jackie is still out there cutting off dicks.
When her innocence was taken and sold,
From then on she swore revenge,
Little girls she would avenge,
And a ravenous monster would unfold.
She used the internet to set up traps,
For perverted fuckers to go and fap,
They flocked to her profile,
But mostly pedophiles,
Usually pretending to be nice chaps.
And when the pedo showed up to her place,
They’d all fall for her beautiful face,
But thinking they had it made,
She would stroke them unafraid,
Then with a blade cut it off at the base.
The victim would scream in horror and pain,
She’d smile looking angry and insane,
This wasn’t some child’s play
Predator then became prey,
They had entered her agonizing domain.
And for years Jackie has pulled off these tricks,
Legend says she does it for sport and kicks,
So to all perverts beware,
Coming soon is your nightmare,
Jackie is still out there cutting off dicks.
Written by wallyroo92
Go To Page
Mike
A renegade rabbit called Mike,
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
stole carrots from Tesco's each night,
tunneled under the shops,
for organic crops,
then peddled away on his bike.
Now Mike was a greedy young rabbit,
troubled by a carotene habit,
soon he stopped caring,
the raids got more daring,
he was caught with a kilo of carrot.
Breaking rocks with his teeth in the yard,
the time he was doing was hard,
each night in the shower,
a Hare called him flower,
and tried to catch him off guard.
Written by Razzerleaf
Go To Page
Oh my goodness. First, let me congratulate Ms. Jade and Razzerleaf on runners up. There were so many really good entries on this comp. Thank you David for hosting and for giving me the honor to walk away with the trophy. I have to say limericks are becoming my favorite as of lately.
Thank you, David, for the opportunity of this particular challenge - I’ve always enjoyed writing limericks, especially in ways people never expect!
I also thank you for being able to share the podium with cup-winner Wally, and brother runner-up Razzerleaf!
Great stuff all ‘round, everyone!
I also thank you for being able to share the podium with cup-winner Wally, and brother runner-up Razzerleaf!
Great stuff all ‘round, everyone!
It was a really good competition and I wholeheartedly thank ever and all entrants for their stellar work. Bothe these comps were so difficult to judge given the quality of the entries - next comp now running - A Scottish Sonnet - thanks jade for the first excellent entry :-)))))))))))
