Farewell find comfort in the Clouds

Standing curbside caught in the endless crashing of rain.
The moon's reflection dances in a pothole turned puddle

Tilting back my head exhaling clouds of mary jane
Moonlight eclipsed by her umbrella, followed by the loud pop of her gum bubble

Hello lost under a mumble, I can feel my heart begin to rumble
Looking for what to say, everything but the truth shrouds my brain

Beginning to piece the puzzle, the words I love you became the shovel
"Its not you it's me " a classic phrase I simply could not refrain

Grasping her chest with one hand and giving my wet face a smack with the other "I'm sorry" was all I could mutter
As she ran off into the arms of her sinister sister, our wonderful pain giver
Mouthing thanks for a secret she also could not give her

I    
     
The moment I felt Death      
courting you      
my rib cage collapsed    
     
splintered into loss    
it would take lifetimes    
of growth to reform belief   
from shattered cartiledge
and bone    
     
I curled into childhood--  
that strange little girl      
always alone
talking to herself      
on the playground    

Thinking she was whispered      
a safe solitude    
of hush-holy clouds      
cammoflaging her      
from mating rituals  
unnoticed;      
     
a detached being    
seen in shades of rock      
beneath surfaced depth      
Death itself couldn't touch   
 
From there I grew--
     
II.    
     
Wherever that courtship      
carried you, into a marriage      
and honeymoon--
I'd never know

I renounced hope    
a solitude of celibate womb    
misguided by a Magic Flute  
     
I wanted to know
you'd made it across
See Love embracing you      
before surrendering      
to my Universal course      
     
So my heart grew talons    
gripped the earth where it stood    
became obstinate      
refused to budge      
     
But, Love is the birth of Truth  
that severs the umbilical cord   
     
You were, after all    
the first coup de foudre    
I climbed aboard    
and could've been      
the last amour      
out of this place    
     
Had it not been      
for the Grace destined      
to take your place--    
lift me from drowning    
from lonely demise    
     
But, only when I learned    
to finally let you go    
and say Goodbye      
     
~  

Jealous Of Heaven

Earth was blessed the day you were born
Though it didn't treat you right & had you torn
We saw you fight the good fight
And never lose sight
Of the God you fervently serve
Who is good even when we don't deserve

By your bedside, us your three
Day in and day out watching you be set free
Body decomposing and in need
As your soul growing tired as Jesus takes the lead
To your Withering soul we selfishly hang on
Not wanting to cut loose our tight daughterly bond

You hang on to life for our sake
As we hold on to you as your life is at stake
We hate to see you suffering and in pain
But we pray for a miracle from your feet to your brain

You have heard the heavens call you by name
You said your goodbyes convinced it was not a game
You break our hearts as we see you slipping away
A little bit more each passing day

We can't help but leave things in God's hands
As He demands
We see your willingness to go to a better place
Leaving us in God's sweet grace
And we can't help but watch you go
And after all the suffering endured by your soul
We watch you strive to enter through the pearly gates
Leaving behind all kinds of earth-binding baits
And As I sit helplessly watching you fade away to the other side
To become Jesus' beautiful Bride
I cannot help but be jealous of heaven
Knowing that though this is a battle of Earth & Heaven
Of Earth wanting to keep you
Just as much as Heaven wants you
I know that soon or later, regardless the forces of Earth,  it is heaven
That holds the Lucky seven
And by all means
Heaven always wins regardless of what I deem.
 

Your burden is heavy and does not get lighter.
With the passing of years, you are a fighter.
You’ve fought through a tough life and now struggle with health.
I’d give anything to restore you back and make you well.
I’d turn back the hands of time and bring back the better days
Where you independently had things done your way.

I stand speechless before you at times
Without a word, a phrase, or a rhyme
As I see your health slowly declining
And your once-independence now reclining.

Your journey through illness scares me
It does not allow me to let you be.
Every move you make and take
Rattles my soul as if your life is at stake.
To think of you fading away like a flower
Makes me want to hold you every hour
To ensure that you don’t slip away.
Though it’s not my call anyway.

I don’t look at you like a weak victim of your circumstance
I look at you like a SURVIVOR who stands in a circle of chance
To LIVE and MOVE and RECLAIM your life
As you stride on to be my mom, a friend, and perfect wife.

I see the strength of God working in your soul
As you hold on to your faith in your awful lows.
You thank God for giving you just one more day
When others would be praying to be taken away.

I fear great many things not just because you’re sick
But many more things make my nerves tick
The chords of my heart and the essence of my soul.
Make war within me and there I explode.
I fear that, one day, you will grow too tired
And no longer see you fight as I have always admired.
Which will indicate you are ready to wrap from this life.
Instead of adding more blank pages to your storyline.

Even if you were to render your struggle and your fight
A survivor and a fighter is how you shine in my sight.
Selfishly, I would NEVER want to let you go
Even if you stop fighting and go with the flow.
But, if you ever do decide to fold the battle
Please let us know though our hearts will rattle.
That we may prepare our heavy hearts and souls
When it’s time to cut the final string to let you go.

You’ve never been selfish; now don’t hold back
From telling us the boxing gloves are put in the sack.
Don’t break our hearts by not letting us know
Should you be ready for angels to carry your soul
Into God's loving arms, (strongly discerned)
Up the Narrow Highway of No Return...