Poetry competition CLOSED 24th October 2013 2:15am
WINNER
praveengola
View Profile Poems by praveengola
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No 'E' in POEM

DystopianMelody
Dangerous Mind
United Kingdom 9awards
Joined 9th Dec 2012
Forum Posts: 1391

Ever heard of the kid who cried wolf? Any relation between the two of you?

lepperochan
Craic-Dealer
Guardian of Shadows
Palestine 67awards
Joined 1st Apr 2011
Forum Posts: 14564

"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my fingers upon thee!"   
- Jules, Pulp Fiction (Q.Tarantino) <-  now see,
that's called 'crediting. we do that when we quote somebody, ..'cos
it is a mark of respect.

granted, that quote would have worked a lot better if Viddax had posted it, but I'm sure you can appreciate the gravity of the situation and maybe take a few minutes to reflect in silent meditation while you gather your thoughts.  

I'm sorry for your troubles, you have an unfortunate family

hemihead
hemi
Dangerous Mind
New Zealand 13awards
Joined 1st Nov 2010
Forum Posts: 1749

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

See, the problem there is that, to be believable, you should have named the cancer...a lie, well done, hangs on detail.

Have another go at it, and maybe use a little sister or something, for the pity angle.

I stand waiting.

AscensionES
Aptilneilrionaltion
Dangerous Mind
Australia 9awards
Joined 22nd Jan 2013
Forum Posts: 1797

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Knew the cancerous little fuck should've been banned when I suggested it. How many strikes are you on now, Vizzie?

hemihead
hemi
Dangerous Mind
New Zealand 13awards
Joined 1st Nov 2010
Forum Posts: 1749

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Terrible. A writer may have done it like this;

"Mr Hemi, you sir are a rogue and devil, a cruel and evil man who shares no hint of human kindness. Your cuts are cruel and unjust, pouring hate and distain against myself and my family from behind the screen of anonymity that is the internet. I trust your death will be a slow and painful affair, with much letting of blood and incurable boils upon your testes, until even you most golden lover leaves you in the dirt, far from anything that may be taken for love."

Try it again...try to make me feel it. You may need to use some 'e's.

hemihead
hemi
Dangerous Mind
New Zealand 13awards
Joined 1st Nov 2010
Forum Posts: 1749

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>


Not bad, not bad. Hope you wrote that. I would have done this;

you may think you are a great poet
but you will never be a great man



See how the fewer words carries a heavier effect, and the reference to my ego adds an additional slam to the lines?

Do another one. I think you should reference my drinking and poor relationship skills...to make it more personal, and also we'd know it was written by you, rather than ripped off someone else.

Rhyme would be good too.

hemihead
hemi
Dangerous Mind
New Zealand 13awards
Joined 1st Nov 2010
Forum Posts: 1749

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Lazy, and probably been done before. Before your entire family dies of cancer, I'd like you to make them proud. Try a different angle, maybe some sort of rhyming slam, or an epically personal attack....perhaps even be inventive; create a Wikipedia page with some of my poetry on it, then claim I ripped the whole lot off there, that kind of thing.

You just need to try harder.

lightbaron
Dangerous Mind
United States 15awards
Joined 19th Jan 2012
Forum Posts: 2374

thank you both....DU, for this moment, is worth the half-life that I put into it

hemihead
hemi
Dangerous Mind
New Zealand 13awards
Joined 1st Nov 2010
Forum Posts: 1749

Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

Ah I see...trying to butter me up. Nice try, but your smooth cooing won't work...better effort than before though, slightly.

Have another go. Think big. Really really try to actually write.

Go.

LobodeSanPedro
Tyrant of Words
Sierra Leone 109awards
Joined 16th Apr 2013
Forum Posts: 3304

Plagiarist

Obviously blind
Painful thoughts mount his carcass
Cast from our kingdom

(art form of Japan - r~nku)

hemihead
hemi
Dangerous Mind
New Zealand 13awards
Joined 1st Nov 2010
Forum Posts: 1749

"creation of a motherfucker
it stinks...ehhhhh"

Mate...I really appreciate you commenting on my work...means a lot to me to have the respect of my peers.

I like the comment so much, I'd appreciate it if you could direct me to where you stole it from, so I can congratulate the actual author.

braggman
Steve Bragg
Dangerous Mind
United States 14awards
Joined 27th Dec 2011
Forum Posts: 1850

Well played Hemi, getting some reads for your own words out of the guy.

hemihead
hemi
Dangerous Mind
New Zealand 13awards
Joined 1st Nov 2010
Forum Posts: 1749

braggman said:Well played Hemi, getting some reads for your own words out of the guy.

You know how it is mate...man has to get read somehow :-)

peacemaker
Nun The Wiser
Twisted Dreamer
United States
Joined 27th Jan 2012
Forum Posts: 231

You could just wait and eventually he's bound to post one of your poems here.

MadameLavender
Guardian of Shadows
United States 90awards
Joined 17th Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 5711

hemihead said: Anonymous said:<< post removed >>

See, the problem there is that, to be believable, you should have named the cancer...a lie, well done, hangs on detail.

Have another go at it, and maybe use a little sister or something, for the pity angle. I stand waiting.




Well, I had a chit chat earlier today with Vizard about this topic and the inclusion of cancer. He was told point blank that cancer is no excuse for putting one's name to someone else's work no matter how distraught you are.  While I don't wish cancer on his mother or anyone, I will say that if that angle was used as a pity ploy, then I'm the wrong person to have pulled that on, since both myself and my daughter are survivors. So.... Let's hope Vizard's and my PM session had an impact on him and that I don't have to start posting pictures of all my scars to get my point across about how cancer is no fucking joke or something to be "used" in anyway.

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