Scratch and Burn

It's hard to get used to the fact
That no one will come to my rescue
I waited so long that it became my life
Spending every day waiting for you
To come and save me from this endless
Waking nightmare that I made for myself

The hole in my heart is infected
Before, it was just a hollow ache
It panged now and then with the pain of realizing
How far away I took myself from you
But now it's a burning pit of puss
Itch and scratch driving it deeper and deeper

I spent so long waiting for you
I spend so long waiting for you
How do I give up this life
How do I go on living it
How do I start again
How do I heal what I want to stay vacant

I'm so horribly afraid
That if I board up my wound and allow time
To heal it by denying myself those small treasures
No one will be able to reach your spot
Forever I'll be the girl with the secret
Barely-covered hole in her heart
That no one but you can reach
And you will have forgotten where it is
And with whom it is engraved
And I'll go on itching

How do I trade in a life without living
Black holes aren't easy to snub