deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Regular's Drink.
"Give me another."
But you've already had another.
"Fuck!
Another!"
"Okay, here have another."
Would you like it through a straw?
"What the fuck!
You offer me a straw?
A FUCKING STRAW?!
I'll take two."
"Fantastic! And what are these?"
Why those? Those are grenades.
"Pull the pin, would you?"
But of course.
"Now, cast it to the sun."
"But we are indoors?"
Precisely!
Cover your ears
"Well... shit!"
A GOOD EXPLOSION!
That fucking kid
his guts are in my drink!
"Oh, you're a regular are you?"
Fuck no?
But I'll have another!
This tastes good!
"We're out of grenades."
FUCK!
The bartender's been stabbed.
"Stabbed with a stake."
Right through the damn eye!
"Well... shit!"
There's a box
a box of grenades.
"Ah, regulars."
But you've already had another.
"Fuck!
Another!"
"Okay, here have another."
Would you like it through a straw?
"What the fuck!
You offer me a straw?
A FUCKING STRAW?!
I'll take two."
"Fantastic! And what are these?"
Why those? Those are grenades.
"Pull the pin, would you?"
But of course.
"Now, cast it to the sun."
"But we are indoors?"
Precisely!
Cover your ears
"Well... shit!"
A GOOD EXPLOSION!
That fucking kid
his guts are in my drink!
"Oh, you're a regular are you?"
Fuck no?
But I'll have another!
This tastes good!
"We're out of grenades."
FUCK!
The bartender's been stabbed.
"Stabbed with a stake."
Right through the damn eye!
"Well... shit!"
There's a box
a box of grenades.
"Ah, regulars."
Published 17th Feb 2013
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17th Feb 2013 4:39pm
A little lost on who is speaking, despite your use of italics...
But an entertaining read. I'll not be stopping in your local pub, anyway!
But an entertaining read. I'll not be stopping in your local pub, anyway!
17th Feb 2013 9:21pm
Now that is intentional Atakti. I wanted to compliment the themes of self destruction and chaos with the use of italics to mark speech, but never building any characters, it is intentional.
Haha! It is to describe any patron to any pub. Thanks Atakti. :-)
Haha! It is to describe any patron to any pub. Thanks Atakti. :-)
Anonymous
17th Feb 2013 6:22pm
A jolt! A shock-to-the-system piece, Evan! Unusual & different in an entertaining way! I think the grenade-guy's suffering from toxic alcohol poisoning & is having a major delusional meltdown! lol Original pen!
Delusional meltdown sums up the muse pretty damn well, aha thanks Carlene.
17th Feb 2013 11:16pm
Evan,
The dialog is pretty good, nice snippet or scene you have going on. The system you have of italics for one voice and inverted commas for the other will work if you keep it consistent throughout.
It looks like you lost sync here:
"Okay, here have another."
Would you like it through a straw?
is the bartender saying both those lines? if so , you need to be taking the inverts away.
anyhow man, enjoyable enough to read, nice one.
The dialog is pretty good, nice snippet or scene you have going on. The system you have of italics for one voice and inverted commas for the other will work if you keep it consistent throughout.
It looks like you lost sync here:
"Okay, here have another."
Would you like it through a straw?
is the bartender saying both those lines? if so , you need to be taking the inverts away.
anyhow man, enjoyable enough to read, nice one.
17th Feb 2013 11:28pm
Thanks heaps mate! Yeah, I'll give it another edit, I'll probably re-write this and extend the shit out of it too. :-)
Thanks again Craic, stop by whenever you please.
Thanks again Craic, stop by whenever you please.
18th Feb 2013 00:47am
Evan
Do you know the graphic novels "The Boys" ? This reads like it could have been pulled out of one.
Much enjoyed :)
Do you know the graphic novels "The Boys" ? This reads like it could have been pulled out of one.
Much enjoyed :)
18th Feb 2013 1:07am
18th Feb 2013 1:11am
http://www.bleedingcool.com/2009/11/04/the-boys-1-in-full-online-legally/
Here ya go... Free Copy ;)
You will like, trust me. I laughed my ass off :)
Here ya go... Free Copy ;)
You will like, trust me. I laughed my ass off :)
Cheers Maggie! Better than their wikipedia page, lol. I'll give it a go right now. :-)
18th Feb 2013 11:19pm
18th Feb 2013 11:23pm
