deepundergroundpoetry.com
Light
We drink til the moon is full
and the sun,no more;
lit darkness and empty cups
of poison for the poor
hearted heretics
who've fallen to the floor.
I close my eyes
and see them both
like a cloud; my beautiful
daughter and wife.
A vision of my life
to be
or rather a dream
of what may come
to a fallen man like me.
Another time far away
from a place like Hell,
drowning in the bottle again,
words too heavy to write
with pen, or type
writer to put to page
'til the end
is near,
so if you can feel it here,
think about love;
for it shall conquer
all fear.
and the sun,no more;
lit darkness and empty cups
of poison for the poor
hearted heretics
who've fallen to the floor.
I close my eyes
and see them both
like a cloud; my beautiful
daughter and wife.
A vision of my life
to be
or rather a dream
of what may come
to a fallen man like me.
Another time far away
from a place like Hell,
drowning in the bottle again,
words too heavy to write
with pen, or type
writer to put to page
'til the end
is near,
so if you can feel it here,
think about love;
for it shall conquer
all fear.
Published 9th Feb 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 684
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
11th Feb 2013 9:07pm
I found your poem to be very moving- but perhaps, for me at least, a bit uneven. Your first stanza is wonderful- great imagery-truths expressed in an original way. Te next two stanza don't seem to scan as well to me. I think that perhaps they are a bit too personal to you- which is of course important- but they seem to diswconnect the "universality " of your poem somehow. Perhaps something more meaningful about your "vision of life to be" as an abstract concept rathr htna a specific wish- Does that make any kind of sense? It is a difficult concept and I am probably not conveying it very well. But I hope you get the jist. Your third stanza is again as good as your first- imagery and emotions interconnecting- which only makes the middle two seem all the more misplaced - like having a verse of a contry song sandwiched into a Pucinni aria- it doesn't mean that thew country song is bad- it just doesn't seem to fit somehow. I hope I have explained this well, (though I fear I have not) Anyway- great poem!!
11th Feb 2013 11:09pm
Thanks for the input, the 2nd and 3rd stanza are basically a drunken dream state, kind nodding out of consciousness and dreaming for a split second. The character here is down to his lowest and in that thought he is thinking that maybe somewhere ahead of his life now, is something better, and maybe dreaming of love, will end his fear.
