deepundergroundpoetry.com
Twisted fairytale
Way back when ........wide eyed
Courting the innocence of child
Believing dreams &
Magical thinking
"Close your eyes my darling, make a wish....
dreams do come true for good girls like you!"
It will happen
'cos it always does in fairytales......
Time passes.......reality screws the happy ever after
Divinity of scared union?
U were just a fuck my dear
Eternity of soulmate connection?
U were one of many my dear
Our happy ever after?
It was only make believe my dear
Now ...... fairytale becomes twisted mind fuck
Emotional self harm
Slashing indiscriminately with my own fantasy
'til realisation drips from my body
A good girl like me
Comprehending her own insignificance
Who is still naive enough to tell their children to believe in
the happy ever after?
Not this good girl!
Well not until the tooth fairy or father Christmas tells her to anyway!
Courting the innocence of child
Believing dreams &
Magical thinking
"Close your eyes my darling, make a wish....
dreams do come true for good girls like you!"
It will happen
'cos it always does in fairytales......
Time passes.......reality screws the happy ever after
Divinity of scared union?
U were just a fuck my dear
Eternity of soulmate connection?
U were one of many my dear
Our happy ever after?
It was only make believe my dear
Now ...... fairytale becomes twisted mind fuck
Emotional self harm
Slashing indiscriminately with my own fantasy
'til realisation drips from my body
A good girl like me
Comprehending her own insignificance
Who is still naive enough to tell their children to believe in
the happy ever after?
Not this good girl!
Well not until the tooth fairy or father Christmas tells her to anyway!
Published 22nd Aug 2010
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The author encourages honest critique.
24th Aug 2010 4:28pm
It was beautifully set up, at first you feel the familiar whole-heartedness of a fairytale, the whole "Oh, the world is perfect!" thing. Then you trap the reader with the truth she or he has been living in for some time. Lol, fantastic job. :)
25th Aug 2010 4:27pm
Anonymous
28th Aug 2010 9:59pm
<< post removed >>
29th Aug 2010 7:49pm
Thanks Tim, don't really know where this came from just sort of poured out. Love the line cruel tricks played in the innocence of childhood..... wonderful!
15th Jan 2011 6:38pm
nice way of describing and resoundingly pointing out innocence lost through the startling and jolting reality that seems to always be around the corner and ready to pounce on the illusions of the fairy tale and to eradicate this special and unique love--"U were just a fuck my dear."
and "you were just one of the many, my dear." and with this comes utter vigilence and distrust for the future.
and "you were just one of the many, my dear." and with this comes utter vigilence and distrust for the future.
16th Jan 2011 2:49pm
Thanks, you are so right about the need for vigilance and distrust once the initial innonence is stolen.
9th Jun 2011 8:44am
9th Jun 2011 7:56pm
9th Jun 2011 8:12pm
Nice tone, perfect for this tale of innocence lost.
I find the excessive use of periods (full stops) unnecessary. Perhaps I'm missing something but I don't see the point (No pun intended), they just distract from an otherwise excellent poem. I understand your attempt at showing the conveyance of time but I don't think you need to do it visually, at least not like that IMHO.
If I had another criticism, it would be the use of "U". Again, I understand (I think) why you did it (because you're trying to minimize "you") but it just doesn't fit the tone of character. Anyone who says "my dear" probably speaks eloquently, and not in some teenage, Internets l33t speak.
Overall, it was fun to read and a great piece, with good timing, nice flow and some excellent diction. Liked it a lot.
I find the excessive use of periods (full stops) unnecessary. Perhaps I'm missing something but I don't see the point (No pun intended), they just distract from an otherwise excellent poem. I understand your attempt at showing the conveyance of time but I don't think you need to do it visually, at least not like that IMHO.
If I had another criticism, it would be the use of "U". Again, I understand (I think) why you did it (because you're trying to minimize "you") but it just doesn't fit the tone of character. Anyone who says "my dear" probably speaks eloquently, and not in some teenage, Internets l33t speak.
Overall, it was fun to read and a great piece, with good timing, nice flow and some excellent diction. Liked it a lot.
