This Can't be me!

What does this mean 
why do I have these twisted dreams?
people say that dreams express who we really are
or
our fantasies
but
this is a lie!

There's no way my dreams can mean any of this
they sometimes are my fears
or
something out of the blue
things I don't want,
things that are horrid that sometimes I wake up
and say
I'm not like this...
and i don't think these things on my own.
MAKE THEM STOP!

can't live like this

I want to have peaceful dreams dreams of love
with the one i love

I
don't
want 
sickness, perversion, molesting, killing

This is not me I am not a sick child molester
I don't enjoy perversion,
I don't wish to be molested
or killed

STOP!

let me live like a regular person.

I want to be normal,
BUT...
is anyone normal really.

I lost hope! so all i do is now hold this knife to my neck and I say goodbye to the world all that I am all who people I let believe I was alright I'm not! I will slit my throat and end these thoughts these voices and nightmares.