Letter to God

Hello God.
I have come to believe the conceptual idea that is you is odd.
You were pushed on to me at an age in which my reply to anything was to be awed.
But how long did you think it would take me to see past this façade.
Your benevolence was taught to me before I could comprehend despair.
If I behaved well I thought me from your wrath you would spare.
But in time I learned your mercy not your wrath was rare.
Can not help, but think it unfair.
Earthquakes, tornadoes, tsunamis they all rage.
A million diseases kill before old age.
Against us the earth seems to have a war to wage.
In the midst of all this, where are you divine sage?
I have come to think you prefer things this way.
Fear the collar you use to make us obey.
For what use would there be of you in a world with never a bad moment or day?
Do we for your vanity not our sins have to pay?
Do I perhaps have it wrong?
I don’t believe you to be so strong.
Is it you who created malady after malady to throw at the throng?
Or did they in darkest night create you so their will they may prolong?
But I can not help but believe in you.
Oh my childhood conditioning I have come to rue.
But also when witness to profound sorrow without you there would be no reason to imbue.
Chaos, a world devoid of purpose the idea is taboo.
Perhaps all who believe in you feel the same.
The trepidation in our souls we are unable to tame.
I come to wonder is the fear in men the thing which fuels belief, the eternal flame.
When you look upon this flame that fevers the world do you think it a game?
I shall waste little more time on you for my thought have almost reached completion.
I have come to terms that I can not erode my faith with logic or reason.
But be not proud for my heart is that of a heathen.
It has long since committed treason.