deepundergroundpoetry.com
Road head
My hand was hanging out the window
arm making a wavy motion,
letting the current play with it
as if it were an aircraft wing
gaining speed,
preparing for
the thrust
needed
to take me off.
(out, away)
I was captivated
by the shoreline
whipping past, yet staying still,
as you hugged the
the curves of the road
at a breakneck speed,
and you asked
if I could
drive
I fought the wind
for control of my hair
and smiled,
as an answer,
that sloe-eyed smirk
that only a real bitch
can pull off with any
panache.
It got tense
when I leaned over
and steered,
with the wheel
knocking the top of my
head
but we affirmed, that,
yes,
I can get us
where we
want to go
and I can drive a
stick like
a motherfucker
Published 12th Dec 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 2
comments 18
reads 1467
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Dec 2012 2:24pm
13th Dec 2012 00:00am
12th Dec 2012 2:37pm
13th Dec 2012 00:01am
*smirk*
heh heh
You've had that bruise on the top of your head, too, huh?
Thanks, Mags.
B
heh heh
You've had that bruise on the top of your head, too, huh?
Thanks, Mags.
B
12th Dec 2012 2:46pm
13th Dec 2012 00:01am
12th Dec 2012 3:32pm
13th Dec 2012 00:03am
Anonymous
12th Dec 2012 4:01pm
/my hand hanging out the window
letting the current run
across it in an undulating
motion/
I enjoyed the brief glimpse of that almost indescribable sensation of feeling the wind on a hand hanging out of a car window, but "undulating motion" left me a bit cold - as if there was no interesting imagery to accompany this instantly recognisable feeling.
I also enjoyed the fact that the poem steered clear of out-and-out obscenity, leaving us only with:
/with the
wheel
knocking the top of my
head/
To me the poem reads like a metaphor - "drive" meaning something else entirely, and the connections continue as the lines lead on. Ultimately though I thought this was devoid of any real poetic imagery, and I thought the line breaks made it feel kind of clunky and, well, broken. At times it felt as if I was just reading a kind of personal journal that was pried apart enough to resemble a poem.
All JMHO. Thanks for the read.
letting the current run
across it in an undulating
motion/
I enjoyed the brief glimpse of that almost indescribable sensation of feeling the wind on a hand hanging out of a car window, but "undulating motion" left me a bit cold - as if there was no interesting imagery to accompany this instantly recognisable feeling.
I also enjoyed the fact that the poem steered clear of out-and-out obscenity, leaving us only with:
/with the
wheel
knocking the top of my
head/
To me the poem reads like a metaphor - "drive" meaning something else entirely, and the connections continue as the lines lead on. Ultimately though I thought this was devoid of any real poetic imagery, and I thought the line breaks made it feel kind of clunky and, well, broken. At times it felt as if I was just reading a kind of personal journal that was pried apart enough to resemble a poem.
All JMHO. Thanks for the read.
13th Dec 2012 00:00am
Hell. Yeah. Badass feedback.
And perceptive as fuck.
I pulled that image to the front and opened it up. I tried to leave it clean, and mostly left it alone after the expansion.
Your observations are apt, and I'm grateful for them. It did feel like a journal entry pulled apart, and I guess in a way it was. I paid more attention in the second round to the discipline. (Most poetry is a metaphor, right?)
Good freaking opinion. Thanks!
Betty
And perceptive as fuck.
I pulled that image to the front and opened it up. I tried to leave it clean, and mostly left it alone after the expansion.
Your observations are apt, and I'm grateful for them. It did feel like a journal entry pulled apart, and I guess in a way it was. I paid more attention in the second round to the discipline. (Most poetry is a metaphor, right?)
Good freaking opinion. Thanks!
Betty
12th Dec 2012 4:42pm
13th Dec 2012 00:03am
12th Dec 2012 7:38pm
A cleverly done bit or writing. I enjoyed reading it, in fact, read it several times, enjoying the mental image this presented to me.
13th Dec 2012 00:04am
Anonymous
12th Dec 2012 8:10pm
<< post removed >>
13th Dec 2012 00:04am
14th Dec 2012 1:35am
15th Dec 2012 1:42pm
You just tee-hee'd like a school girl.
(I'm just sayin'.)
Thanks for the r/r Viper.
Betty
(I'm just sayin'.)
Thanks for the r/r Viper.
Betty
