deepundergroundpoetry.com
Not bitter at all...
"No, not bitter at all!" He said,
Scuff of the toe, flick of the head.
Two nods, an uneasy sigh,
Turn on the heel and brisk goodbye.
Streetlamps cut through chill of dusk
While, striding through the shrivelled husks
Of hoar-rimmed leaves, he paces back
And forth, a lonely, bitter track.
"No, not at all!", his mind echoed,
While ever back and forth he strode;
"I hope you find love ever more
In the heart of your precious whore."
Scuff of the toe, flick of the head.
Two nods, an uneasy sigh,
Turn on the heel and brisk goodbye.
Streetlamps cut through chill of dusk
While, striding through the shrivelled husks
Of hoar-rimmed leaves, he paces back
And forth, a lonely, bitter track.
"No, not at all!", his mind echoed,
While ever back and forth he strode;
"I hope you find love ever more
In the heart of your precious whore."
Published 13th Jul 2010
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Anonymous
13th Jul 2010 3:35am
Very evocative poem, with a clean and well-thought out rhyme scheme. The second verse was wonderful. Reminds me a bit of William Blake. I think I have an idea just why this man is bitter, the exact reason, but I shall not venture it, for fear of being wrong and looking like a fool (as I often do!).
13th Jul 2010 4:15pm
Nothing ventured, nothing gained...
I can see the Blake though; somewhere in the allusions to frost in the second paragraph? I actually had to go back and check that I hadn't used the word frost in the poem, as the image is so integral to me, I forget whether that's because I included it explicitly, or because I hoped that I had articulated it sufficuently.
13th Jul 2010 3:23pm
gotta love the rhythm in this. I felt as if I might be pacing with him.
13th Jul 2010 10:45pm
I did find the retention of metre fairly challenging here, principally in the conflict between wishing for the quoted sections to sound idiomatically english, and at the same time, wishing for them to adhere to the metre. In the end, I opted for believability of character over rhythmic focus, though it is heartening to learn that it still scanned effectively to you.
3rd Aug 2015 4:37pm
Well versed, I can follow the journey you took while writing.
At first over view I would have almost bounced to the melody!!!
At first over view I would have almost bounced to the melody!!!
