deepundergroundpoetry.com
The biology of a dirty flower
And on a trawl through the morning roses
I was able to distinguish the artificial sheen
of the many petals, sparkling falsely
with the slap dash waxy dew of youth
It is only the highway where I see
the curve. The roadside flowers
brighten the blur of motion;
fragrances sing out from the din
the subtlest wobbles slut-wrapped in silk cloth
faceless yet still personal.
Unobtainable magic : the dirty stigma
are magnetic fire to this moth
I was able to distinguish the artificial sheen
of the many petals, sparkling falsely
with the slap dash waxy dew of youth
It is only the highway where I see
the curve. The roadside flowers
brighten the blur of motion;
fragrances sing out from the din
the subtlest wobbles slut-wrapped in silk cloth
faceless yet still personal.
Unobtainable magic : the dirty stigma
are magnetic fire to this moth
Published 6th Dec 2012
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I feel I don't have the qualifications to comment here, but your work has always felt that way to me: In a bit of a different league.
Total hook of a first line, great feeling that comes across from the double meaning in the first stanza, and the idea that the contrast of the road accentuates the beauty of the wildflowers that grow beside it adds richness.
"the subtlest wobble clothed in silk wrap"
the imagery I got off that line was like extended exposure photography... smooth and efficient use of language; a pleasure to read. [:
Total hook of a first line, great feeling that comes across from the double meaning in the first stanza, and the idea that the contrast of the road accentuates the beauty of the wildflowers that grow beside it adds richness.
"the subtlest wobble clothed in silk wrap"
the imagery I got off that line was like extended exposure photography... smooth and efficient use of language; a pleasure to read. [:
6th Dec 2012 2:36pm
JDGC,
Thank you for commenting; it is you, my dear friend, who operates in a different league :)
You see though, the thing is, even I'm not always sure what I mean, so if anyone else does, please don't hesitate to let me know (............there's a thin line).
Anyway, I don't think I was really actually talking about flowers :-|
Thank you for commenting; it is you, my dear friend, who operates in a different league :)
You see though, the thing is, even I'm not always sure what I mean, so if anyone else does, please don't hesitate to let me know (............there's a thin line).
Anyway, I don't think I was really actually talking about flowers :-|
6th Dec 2012 3:02pm
aaah, i see it now.
i figured it wasn't about flowers, but was in observational mode, as in observations of the way people are, not love-poem mode. sensual indeed. please, carry on. [:
i figured it wasn't about flowers, but was in observational mode, as in observations of the way people are, not love-poem mode. sensual indeed. please, carry on. [:
6th Dec 2012 2:39pm
I have read this a couple of times now, and am still intrigued by it. So much can be read into it, even if you didn't mean for it to be. For me, it is wonderful observations on "natural" as opposed to cultivated, or manufactured.
Lovely write indeed :)
Lovely write indeed :)
6th Dec 2012 2:41pm
