Stalemate

Alone?
You want to see brighter days?
I'll try my best to smile for you.
Though it's so hard for me,
I'll be a brighter person.

Emotions.
I hold only fear as an emotion.

Tell me, I need to know.
What does it feel like to cry?
What do tears running down your cheeks feel like?
Is it a relief afterwards?
That long sigh I've heard, but never felt.
Can you tell me?

How about excitement?
True happiness?
Hatred?

I have only fear.
The fear of being afraid.
The fear of feeling an emotion for the first time,
And not knowing what to do.

I'll be honest.
I am a hypocrite,
And a liar.

All I wanted,
Was to look like I was happy.
I worked on pushing my eyes up when I smile,
Just seem normal.

I've tried to comfort,
But how can you, when you can't feel sorrow?
I understand their pain,
I know that it's painful and they hurt inside,
But how the fuck am I supposed to make you feel better with facts?

No genuine tears.
No real smiles.
No heart to break.
No way to break another heart.

Will you teach me?
Teach me to feel.
Teach me to be real
Teach me to love.
Teach me to be free.
Free of stalemate.
Free from the reign,
Of apathy.