God's Will

I went to church today
for the first time in months.
I wasn’t sure what drove me.
Maybe the holy spirit
or a guilty conscience.

It was a unique service
dedicated to the head pastor
who will be leaving this week
to go on missions
preaching and teaching about Jesus.
Walt and his wife are in their sixties.
Retirement age by American standards.
Instead they’re going into remote villages
in foreign lands
to serve their Master.

I respect that.

God’s will was the main topic.
It made me think about Step Three
in the recovery program
that I’m half-assing these days.
If they can follow God’s will into
the remote villages of Indonesia
why do I have so much trouble
following it in everyday life?

The answer is faith.

My faith is lacking.
I don’t pray enough.
I don’t meditate at all.
God’s will cannot be known
if I am not searching for it.
Self will then triumphs
always leading to disaster.

It’s time to turn this ship around.
It’s drifting into the Black Sea
slowly enough
that I’m oblivious.

Walt is making a life altering move.
He has faith.
First comes faith
then the courage to change.

As it turns out
God wanted me to hear that message.
He implanted in my mind
a curious desire to go to church.

It was his will.