something's a little different... this time

There is a whispering in my head
and a deep anxiety in my chest cavity
I think… she’s really gone this time

I can’t fill the empty space
where she used to lie  
with teddy bears or deliberated fucks
that only sate me in the moment
we’re touching skins

I thought I could hold on to the memories
that they’d remain and sustain us
through the long lonely nights
but she doesn’t love me anymore
and someone else surely shares her bed
as someone else shares mine
tonight

I wonder at this madness
at this fear that spikes and shudders through me
because I feel so lost without her
by my side

I know we failed at the game of love
we gave in to lesser things
because there is nothing scarier
than giving your heart away
or to have it taken so unexpectedly
you lie on the floor breathlessly
feeling as though you lost and gained
the best part of yourself

And though she doesn't care to share
I know there's another heart out there
that loved her better than me

In the dawning light of a sleepless night
there is a whispering in my head
and a deep anxiety in my chest cavity
I think… she’s really gone this time

© Indie Adams 2012