I Can't Pretend!!!

`I can't pretend to be the who I am any more .
The happy type.
I can't pretend to have a smile on my face without letting a tear show.
i can't pretend that i don't care anymore. but i do.
i can't pretend that i moved on.
i can't pretend that i don't love you. But I do.
I can't pretend to love the life i have.
I do love my life its just I'm the type not too.I have a loving family. It's just i don't feel the love.
Was we suspose to feel love.

I feel I lost everything back home.
My best friends. or should i even call them my friends.
more like monsters to me.
My best monsters.
i can't pretend to be this girl my mom and family wants me to be.
(Their future)........