regrets

so many choices
so many mistakes
i wonder where i went wrong
what path i should have choosen
who i should have listened to
and what i should belive
why do i look back
and see all the negatives
there are the few happy moments
but i squash them from exsistence
don't want to remember
don't want to break anymore
than i already am
so useless
so weak
i'm a shame to all
an outcast to myself
no one to listen
no one to hear
my cries for help
but i pull back
before anyone can help
don't want to get hurt
or beaten down
so much hurt
so much pain
i wear a heavy mind
a non-existant heart
and a black soul
no love for me
no love to give
its a vague concept
one that i do not understand
one i fear with all my being
scared to admit it
but its all my fault
the reason im like this
the reason im sick
i've done this to myself
and created this barrier
of numbness and apathy
of loneliness and sorrow
for no one to see for
no one to get close to
too many things i've done
i'm so far gone
there's no hope for me
only for you