deepundergroundpoetry.com
Chasing Stars
Adorned
in glittering
diamonds
I feel him
trace
the stars
across my
porcelain skin
connecting
the dots
to every
sensitive
sound inducing
area
He whispers
sweet words
of twilight
in my ear
causing
heavens
to open
and
lustful desires
to persuade
my thighs
to part
He fits
perfectly
stars
fill my eyes
as he
penetrates
his gaze
returned
is amorous
intense pleasure
resonates
I am
supernova
I shine
for only him
at his
touch
the universe
spreads out
before me
yet
I fall into
his gravity
A captured star
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likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 19
reads 1292
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 3:45pm
This a very ethereal feeling piece, gauzy and delicate, very nice Star.
Red
Red
0
re: Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 6:46pm
Thank you, Gypsy! Really a pleasure to have you in my little corner of the world.
Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 3:53pm
"connecting
the dots
to every
sensitive
sound inducing
area"
Powerful lines.. Great write sweetheart.. Thank you Star.
the dots
to every
sensitive
sound inducing
area"
Powerful lines.. Great write sweetheart.. Thank you Star.
0
re: Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 6:47pm
Thank YOU Doc. I always look forward to reading your thoughts, and you never disappoint. :)
Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 9:08pm
re: Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 9:58pm
Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 9:28pm
Just one suggestion "I let him" is so obvious, in my opinion just a simple "he" sounds better. That's just me though.
Pretty write
Pretty write
0
re: Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 9:29pm
re: re: Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 9:57pm
I had just "he" instead of "I let him", but them it almost could sound like he was the one adorned in glittering diamonds. lol
re: re: re: Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 10:06pm
Changing whispers to whispering would throw off "causing" later in that stanza.
Re: Chase the Stars
8th Oct 2012 10:02pm
Really I think he traces porcelain stars around my skin sounds sexy. That's me though
0
re: Re: Chase the Stars
I thought the same, babe. But I couldn't stop laughing that it then reads that the diamonds adorn him. I am kind of picky with not just each line, but the overall flow.
Re: Chasing Stars
19th Oct 2012 5:41am
Delicate heartspeak of passion released. The heavens become a voyeur enjoying such symmetry of delight.
1
re: Re: Chasing Stars
22nd Oct 2012 8:22am
Re: Chasing Stars
Anonymous
6th Apr 2013 1:55am
A beautiful piece of poetry from a beautiful lady.
The flow is impeccable, and the celestial imagery superb.
The flow is impeccable, and the celestial imagery superb.
0
re: Re: Chasing Stars
12th Apr 2013 10:42pm
Thank you, darling one! And welcome home! I was very happy with how this turned out.
re: re: Re: Chasing Stars
Anonymous
22nd Apr 2013 10:06am
Muah! Thanks so much for the warmth :) It's great to be back. I've missed you, love.
0
Re: Chasing Stars
7th Apr 2013 8:33am
re: Re: Chasing Stars
12th Apr 2013 10:43pm
Happy to share the warmth. Glad you enjoyed it and thank you for coming by.