Hurt

I  hurt him....
 
Just as surely as a blade
cuts through butter....
the damage ....was done.
 
I saw what the end of this would be
from the very beginning,with every
word he spoke...
and every smile  
I gave that melted him.
 
All he could do was hang on  
to my morsels of sweetness
as they soured in his belly
causing him to be sick with grief...
Yet I ...could not cry with him...
Nor could I cry for him...
 
For my wellspring of tears has  
been long gone.
For me there will never be another broken heart
Only the remains....Of the hearts I brake
Call it an evil twist of fate ...
 
I hurt him...
Not because I desired to but because it
was inevitable...
The stars aligned for this moment in time
long before I ever met him.
I wondered if I hurt him as karmaic payment
for all the hurts I have endured...
Then I realized....that was not the case
We never would have worked out.

 
As I watch him...
a morbid curiousness takes over me
and I want to ask him...
how he feels...
I want to ask him  
if his heart sinks...when he thinks
of my name...
I want to ask him...
If he saw this coming like I did...
 
Yet something...in the way he looks at me now
stuns me...and stops me completely.
His eyes tell me that ....If I  
were to just change my mind...and
say the reverse words to this lovers curse
What I have broken....would surely mend.
 
I watch him....balance his soul on the brink
Of begging....with those eyes of his.
Knowing....there is nothing I can do.
 
So I smile ...a weak pitiful smile...and I  
tell him that maybe we will be together
in  another life....when we are both cats...
 
Knowing that if I was a cat I'd be too busy
walking fences and laying in the sun to even
want him then.
But....
I hurt him....and
I'm going to have to live with that.