You Can't Fake Country Music

Haha, so true, great job

DreamingMetrist

Thanks for dropping by,reading and commenting on the above.

"but any monkey can write pop song." SOO True, too many poop songs out there. lol

Red

Gypsy

nothing that a  listen to a Gypsy Kings album wouldn't solve eh?

 pleasure to have you stopping by.

Yes sir and the pleasure was all mine!

deleted.

dp, you know, you're on the ball here. yes I was/am definitely taking refuge behind the core idea of this and probably hoping people will just get it without me standing naked on the page.

you are dead right to call me on it.

I'll try iron this out over the next few hours to give more clarity.

country music v blues, well yeah I guess that one will be subjective, I'll try it with blues and see how that works out.

fkn a key on the laptop is acting the maggot,thanks for the eyes.

appreciate the hard truth dp, cheers.    

lol! Hit the nail on the head with this little number , enjoyed.

ah, three me's

always great to see you dropping by and leaving your foot print :)

Much respect xoxo

Gigi

much respect right back at you.

thanks you for the support :)

I think i got this right Eamon. Willie pissed you off because you have traded off the same security that it takes to make that music, that you can't fake- yet your results are quite different? am i close? ( I have often thought there is little difference between Keith Richards or a Kurt Cobain than to me - except good timing, a little luck oh and talent- but the talent thing is a tiny little nit...yet our lives/success's turned out way differently).

and then the monkey pop writing. It was an interesting direction for me, this desire to write a formulaic "hit", that may not reflect your integrity, but is so easily hyped up with a few props...again am i close?...well if im in the ballpark i enjoyed the write (if not i spose i did a bit as well), as I  can relate a bit, and appreciate you getting it out.

one point: should the "woman" in line 5, not be "women"

LB  
 
quite the astute analysis you make.yep the first part of your comment is pretty close to the mark.second part is fairly bang on too ,but there is a fair bit going on here.

on one hand It's an introspection a frustration  bubbling away within the narrator at trading feelings away for manliness then left wanting for something of substance to draw on for creativity. the kind that oozes from the said singer.
 
he feels that he could,like any monkey throw a load of words together that might be gold to another eye but meaningless to him. he misses the feelings.
 
on the other hand he is having a go at pop and some aspects of art for it's nosedive into consumerism.these days there's not a hell of a lot of talent needed in order to get somewhere in the music biz. Simon Cowell has seen to that.
 
I thank you lots for the in-depth-ness of your read and comment, I shall fix woman up post haste  
 
    
  

True words spoken....or rather, written.

Great work lepperochan!

Stider

Strider.

ah, you know how it is man, thanks for dropping in on this little ditty.

your encouragement is most welcome.  

Well I'm going to disagree with dp here. As much as I like to shamelessly crucify myself on a page, there's always a few ways to skin a cat. I suppose it's a matter of how you feel at the time, but maybe a bit more description and honest, gritty reflection would do it good, not sure. I got it the way it is though. Not always a good idea to sacrifice these things for poetry y'know? It is quite poetic and has a certain musicality in the rhythm which should stay due to the country theme running.

You're still wearing it on your sleeve either way. Good on ya, man. Cheers.

(I think this is your personal thing but the lack of spaces after the commas and full stops kinda makes me read that bits twice instead of gliding down, just me though)

Mr A

I agree with you in certain cases it's a matter of how you go about skinning the cat.

Since dp's comment I've  added stanza's 1 and 4 into the mix , and was worried I'd over-killed it.

The fact that you got it makes it worth the numerous  edits and re edits I've done to it.

I'll sort out the commas and  full stops when I get back on.

thanks for the feed  Mr A, greatly appreciated.

I'm more a gothic metal/metal and haunting music kinda gal, even though I do have an eclectic taste, the only time I really listen to pop is when I'm drunk and I will dance to anything.

Thought provoking point you make Eamonn. Great write. :)

Magdalena. (nearly called you Maggie there)

ain't that the way it is for almost everything, standards drop quickly after a load of drink taken, it's allowed though :)

yeah, thing about the Nelson song is I was watching Clapton's Guitar festival and Nelson gave an appearance, he just held me in a kind of trance (weed involved) and I played that song to death for nearly an hour straight to get every last drop of whatever it was that he was giving away.



thanks very much for dropping in, always great to  see your words on my page.  

eamon

alright, i love this. :]


"watched Willie Nelson today    
one song over and over        
could read every ounce of joy and pain      
in the lines etched onto his face      
all the women he'd ever fucked and left crying      
present in his eyes.the fights and the bad lies spat      
from a drunk mouth rang out with the haunting melody      
teased from the old guitar he played      

[first of all, love minimalism. love it. love absence of caps.
and this works here very well.

now, love willie. have been listening to him for a few years
now. love the live shows and love his songs. my heart leapt
with joy when i read about him. double whammy.

now the poem. :]

'ounce' is daring and interesting.  

feel 'his' would be more appropriate before 'drunk mouth'.

old guitar, damn yes. he has been playing it awhile. it shows.]
   
this shattered my resolve        
because I'd traded everything I'd loved      
and wound up with nothing but an empty shell      
no heart no soul no fuck all      

[ the use of 'this' changes things here. gives the poem the feel of
a live play and makes it a kind of narration. usually one would go
for 'that'. but now by this alteration, the reader gets pulled inside.

love the direction you have given here. the last line. damn yes.]
   
I've shunned feelings away      
because they make a man stand weak      
and now I feel nothing worth speaking of      
let alone scribbling onto a page      


[change of tense. in the previous stanza  

..'had traded'

and in the present..'have shunned'.

they are spoken in the same context. both of them are largely spoken
about the poet's life decisions. was the change in tense deliberate? just wondering. or may be
i am being dense.

love the last two lines. damn right.]
 
if I could, I'd arrange a load of fancy words    
tell you how much I've missed you      
how I'd love to take you in my arms      
and kiss you so I'd feel that thumping again      
until then,there are only limp words      
no heart no soul no fuck all      

['thumping' is good. very good. and the repetition of the last line
works well here.]
 
you cant fake country music      

[that's a hard punch in the gut. damn straight.]
   
but any monkey can write a pop song      
as long as there's some mention of beating hearts      
sung from a perfect pair of pinked lips      
coupled with some kind of sassy choreography      

[lovely contrast. 'pinked' is interesting. works a level more.
i feel 'kind' is kind of redundant in the last line. just me.]
   
so consider my lips pinked      
and watch me,because my hips are synced        
to eleven other dancers prancing all around me      
   
[ah! this is my favourite here, so far. balanced. near-brutal.
but not quite. love it.]
   
"It's you yeah, It's always been you yeah      
I just love all the things that you do yeah      
ooh ooh ooh you make me wanna do ya, ooh yeah      
screw yeah"      
   
[ha! it just got better. a storm of punches. controlled and scathing.]
   
you can't fake country      
but any monkey can write a pop song.      
   
[yes. and yes.]

well, this is unusual from you. i am pleasantly surprised. and happy. good man.

a couple of things. you could always skim a bit. personal feel.

and the end lacked the punch for me. man! thru out you delivered some goddamn
hard knocks. the end was cushioned. somehow felt that. i would love, like really
love it you give it some thought. something. just me, again.

eamon, good man. loved this poem. that's a statement you are making. and that's
a powerful one. thank you for the read. much enjoyed. again, i would say: give it a lookee
one more time. even it out.

write on big man,

x

sumeet          
     

Summet


I've taken everything you said on board and made a few preliminary changes. I'll give it a good once over in a bit to try make a smoother run of it.

thanks for the visit and comment  

Good to see you writing eammon, this is one of the funniest poems I have ever read...I hate pop culture in general..thanks for the laugh bro...Peace

'Shell

I find it funny that you find it funny ,good on you :)  I posted a link to the Nelson song at the bottom of the poem. I reckon you'll like it .

Thanks for the visit Mikki. Hope you are feeling a bit better

Well, Eamon, I really don't give a shit what anybody says about this poem but i loved it!  I admire the direction you took with this piece and made it your own.  I enjoyed the repetition, the overall wordplay, and that you chose a country song over a pop song.  Willie Nelson is great; my favs, Gravedigger and Pancho and Lefty.  Whiskey, weed, and an overall great legend!  Can't you tell I'm a country fan:)  

Devlin.

Good to see you knocking about. well, say it like it is why don't you.

So you like a bit of Willie then, I have a couple of his tracks around the place. Country V pop ..no real contest there.

Thanks  a bunch for dropping in and leaving your footprint..

Eamon.
 
great to be back in ur pages .
perfect n fabulous read is what all I can say now!
 
the amount of sarcastic humour that you bring on amazes me.  
a memorable read at dup:)
 
~uma.
 

~uma

Hey there,


good to see you here and to be able to amaze, these days sarcastic humor is plentiful. happy it hits the spot for you.

Thanks for the visit and thoughts :)  

I believe I enjoyed reading the commentary on this piece as much as I enjoyed reading the poem itself.
I think the only thing worse than a bubble gum pop song would be a rap song full of buzzwords and no emotion whatsoever.
Of course in all genres there are exceptions, as country music sells on hooks as much as pop music, and there are some pop (and rap) songs that are very full of heart.
But then, the music used to make the comparison is not really the point, is it?  
I like the changes you made. As usual you get across thought provoking depth with eloquence. I know many of us find a new poem posted by you to be a highlight. :)
I might challenge you to stand a little more naked on the page every once in a while though. I don't mean that provocatively, of course, but I wouldn't be opposed to that either. ;) lol

Starling :)

sorry 'bout the delayed response.

ah, yes the commentary can be an interesting read right enough.

you are right of course that the genre of musics under comparison  doesn't really have much consequence in the long run. I did pick country for a reason though.

It's getting to be winter here so there'll be no literal standing naked for me but  I will en-devour to try be more naked in a metaphorical sense.

as always, your presence and insight brings a smile.

thank you kindly for the words, shine on  

Fucking outstanding read my friend hell man im always a fan of longer wriets and this moved fast and was just straight truth and i mean that perfect in every sense cheers Gonzo

ah, apologies kind sir, I missed this comment completely.

thanks for the dropping by and leaving of your thoughts .

yeah    country music  is generally about  real life

That it is man, that it is.

Hmmm...you know, I think the truth in this poem was what made me laugh the hardest...quite brilliant really, and "any monkey can write a pop song" well you are right, it's as simple as that.
Wonderful poem, I'm interested and might have to check out some others as well...

Zac

welcome.

ah yes, 'It's funny cos it's true' springs to mind.

Thank you for your dropping by, your interest, and subsequent laying down of your thoughts.

Heh-he, liked this as well.

Uley,

Nearly forgot about this one,  It's  a strange  one to come back to for a couple of reasons.

Glad it tickled you  :)  

Thanks lots for your interest

Well I for one am glad my husband pulled it up.

It is "Tender Mercies" and all those other wonderful things in my neck of the woods wrapped up in a lovely piece of writing.

Much enjoyed :)

Maggie,

Ah, you gonna make me blush lady :)

Thanks for the drop by and kind words , much appreciated

Every time your writing pops up when I hit Random, I am never disappointed!  This is excellent!  :)
Willow

Hullo

happy am I very when random success occurs, and you're thanked muchly for following the links and leaving your though-prints

y'know gandhi i come back to this poem over and over during the (almost) five years of knocking about on du and i never found the right words to explain my response to it but here we are and i think i got it,
truth is as a younger writer it's taught me so much about living and how i wish to live out my days, in all honesty i'd bump this poem every fkn day if i could because that's the kinda words young blood need to hear especially when you speak about trading away important things such as feelings and emotions that make us living and breathing human beings regardless of gender, you're definitely right any monkey can write a meaningless pop song which can amount to nothing in the eyes of another person but to stand there naked with an instrument (metaphorical or not) well that's definitely something that's unexplainable however, it's there living on the page and it's living the truth  whether it looks great or ugly

thank you for this awesome write and for always being a gem in the rough 😎

-ethan

good evening, good fellow

I had a good chat about this poem some months ago.  got the song up on YouTube ( in slight state of innebriation)  ....probably twice. :),


it's a strange one to look back on because I remember writing it and I remember why, which I suppose only adds to its (personal) value. so longterm this one will probably survive the next cull  haha


welcome back, and thanks for dropping by