The World

I hate everything I say
I hate how I dont try anymore
hate how I cant fix any of this
I hate how I cant stop
I hate this
I hate this...
If I could just close my eyes
and live
in a fake reality
without clouded thoughts
if I could just make everything stop
I hate this hunger
I hate this hatred
in my head
I hate it all
this endless trembling
these endless rantings
how im sweating
how I cant breathe
how I cant just find one more glass
somewhere
A shiver up my arm
crawls up to the back of my neck
I hate this
I wont be able to get out of it
unless she comes early
praying until 6 am
praying
I dont know why anymore
I hate the things I say
I hate this monster
decaying in my heart
I hate it all
if I could just
last a while longer
I could rot
everything in my heart
everything in my mind
until Im writing a shitty song again
until I cant think properly
everything in this moment
will end in another second
I cant find my way
I cant get there in time
I have no time
and still Im trying to avoid
it
trying to hide
need to just stand and run
Im hiding
waiting
until I say all of those things I hate
If only I could tear out this monster
and beat it down
throw its head into the ground
until the blood
spreads across every wall
in this fucked up world
if only I could hide as well as everyone else
if only I could deny
if I could just run
in the wrong way
the wrong direction
I hate this
I hate all of these words
I hate this fucking song
I hate it all
feel the monster crawling out of my heart
taking control
just beat it down
until there is blood spread across
every garden in this fucked up world
if i could just get one more drink to always be just one

If it didnt have to be
this way
if I never went this way
if I ran
instead of hid
how would it be different
if I ran to your house
instead of mine
if I never said all those thing
to strangers without faces
would you listen
like your not now
if I never met him
how would it be different
if you had just showed up
that one day
if you just said hello
I want to steal all of these memories
out of my head I want to tear this monster out of my heart
and beat it down
I want not to hate this song
not to hate all of this
I want to beat this monster inside my heart down until its blood
is spread across all of the blind eyes in this fucked up world

so I will