deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lucy
Lucy my favorite patient
She has my heart
With her wild red hair and a sweet toothy grin.
Murdered her kids she did
With some bleach and a bath tub
She claims it Wasn't her
That a black winged man with a halo on his head just took them into the night
The proof is there
Lucy committed her ultimate sin
Now she lives in a room with a bed and a single window
A roommate who is mute
Tells me stories of how she used to bathe her kids and read to them at night before bed
And How one time little tommy drew her a picture of a crossbow
And little Linda's dreams of reaching the stars
At night I check on her through a tiny window
Knowing what I will see
The mute crying while Lucy tells her stories to calm her to sleep
What kills me most is the pictures hanging on her wall
Some of crossbows
Some charts naming all the stars
How could such a loving person kill her young
And still look for them in laundry chutes
Cry herself to sleep missing them
Sometimes you catch her smiling staring blank as if she is off somewhere happy
Somewhere in the night with her kids
Hopefully it's just not that one night
With bleach and those poor twins
(Written as a private challenge)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 1
comments 32
reads 975
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 4:58am
Not sure what the challemge was exactly, but it certainly made my skin crawl. I was drawn in by the name Lucy, have used it when referring to Lucifer in a couple of poems, but wasn't expecting it to be about a mother possessed by Satan, or maybe just by her own inner deamons. Everytime that I have heard about a parent killing thier children, I wonder how it is that anyone could lose touch with reality to such a degree as this, yet it happens over and over and over. Sometimes I wish it could be blamed on the devil, but I don't even posess the faith to believe he/she is real... jj
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re: Re: Lucy
Me either. I don't know why anyone would even put their hands on their kids nvm harm them in anyway. It is crazy to me. And I never thought about the lucifina thing that makes her more creepy to me. Thanks for the comment much love to you xoxox
re: re: Re: Lucy
3rd Sep 2012 7:01am
lucifina, HA! I wrote a poem called
"Fair Lucy St. Anne" about sex with Satan, or something like that, lol... I often imagine Lucifer as a woman, but that might just be because I am a man scorned.... jj
"Fair Lucy St. Anne" about sex with Satan, or something like that, lol... I often imagine Lucifer as a woman, but that might just be because I am a man scorned.... jj
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re: re: re: Re: Lucy
3rd Sep 2012 1:17pm
Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 6:41am
Dang. This is why I'm glad I don't have to know about my patients life, who they are or what they do/did. I would have a hard time treating someone equally if I knew they harmed a child.
You tell the story well though, Gigi. :)
You tell the story well though, Gigi. :)
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re: Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 12:19pm
Unfortunately I deal with the same over and over. Some have permanent homes there. It's sad
Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 8:57am
This chilled me to the bone lovely Gg you have a strong heart to deal with patients such as these..peace Crim
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Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 4:00pm
Morbid and shivering chills to realize these atrocities do happen, often without knowledge of anyone beyond the victims.
You penned well the stark brutality of some hearts.
You penned well the stark brutality of some hearts.
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Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 6:13pm
re: Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 6:53pm
Life I guess. Talking about my clients is something I hardly do. :-) thanks akran
Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 6:43pm
I was captivated right away. What I particularly appreciated was the sense of compassion that I got from it, the humanity drawn into the character, even through the morbidity. It was lovely, honestly.
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re: Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 6:54pm
Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 8:08pm
I think you should take on more challenges. It seems the more disturbing or personal the subject, the more power you seem to bring out of it. I like it as much as anything of yours I have read. There are some minor spelling/ word suggestions though. "shoots" should be "chutes" and the last "nite" should be "night." Optionally I might also suggest "graphs" changed to "charts" and in the last line "them" to "those," but those are judgement calls. Nice poem.
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re: Re: Lucy
2nd Sep 2012 8:09pm
Thank you. For that. Someone told me a friend would help with my grammar issues and you did xoxoxo brag
Re: Lucy
Anonymous
2nd Sep 2012 11:51pm
Very well penned, GiGi. Your imagery was extremely vivid, and your wordplay, very gripping. You shouldn't have tagged this in the Misc. dept but in the Dark as it crosses beyond morbid, especially when dealing with children. I liked this piece alot. XoXoDev;)
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re: Re: Lucy
3rd Sep 2012 00:29am
Re: Lucy
4th Sep 2012 00:38am
Great write, terrible story matter. Thanks sweetheart for what you do. Its hard sometimes to keep personal feeling out of things when it comes to our jobs. Just know you will be blessed, for taking care of them in a world where they are castaways... Again thank you.
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Re: Lucy
4th Sep 2012 3:17am
well miss g to the m'fn g- I agree w steve- MORE CHALLENGES.
i love the lack of judgement, and caring for this patient - despite the moral questions involved. great voice that comes through in this piece.
the last line. about written as a private challenge- i suggest maybe putting in parenthesis - as it reads as part of the poem. silly thing does not really effect it.
thanks for the read
i love the lack of judgement, and caring for this patient - despite the moral questions involved. great voice that comes through in this piece.
the last line. about written as a private challenge- i suggest maybe putting in parenthesis - as it reads as part of the poem. silly thing does not really effect it.
thanks for the read
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re: Re: Lucy
4th Sep 2012 3:30am
Thanks for the comment. Well someone give me one and I'll sure do it . Thanks I'm honored you liked it since I respect your work a lot. Xoxox
Re: Lucy
Anonymous
5th Sep 2012 6:12pm
This poem is marvellous. A sad and intimate portrait of madness which is breathtakingly realistic. There's no airs or graces, just cold reality and warm private thoughts. I agree wholeheartedly with Steve, the more disturbing the subject the more you bring from it. I think you've found your niche in dark poetry about small moments of mercy and savagery.
I won't bother picking at your grammar. If you go back you can find the mistakes, which mostly consist of inappropriate capitals, yourself. I would recommend that with poems like this you not bother capitalising the first letter of each line, but that's just a personal aesthetic choice. Thank you very much for this stunning read.
I won't bother picking at your grammar. If you go back you can find the mistakes, which mostly consist of inappropriate capitals, yourself. I would recommend that with poems like this you not bother capitalising the first letter of each line, but that's just a personal aesthetic choice. Thank you very much for this stunning read.
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re: Re: Lucy
5th Sep 2012 6:16pm
Jack you made my day xoxoxo. I will definetly try and stick more to what I know. Unfortunately it's this. I'm around it a lot. I know it well. I try and hide it, but it's time I start letting these people have a voice. And I think you may be right on the capitalization
Re: Lucy
11th Sep 2012 12:20pm
That last verse before the last two lines, kills me. Gives me chills... those dreams, now just that, ya know... you know. And we're all just as capable, which is scary: what kind of a short circuit could lead one to such vileness.
Anything I could comment, in general and in critique/corrections has been mentioned already.
Keep up the work you do, you seem fit for it.
Anything I could comment, in general and in critique/corrections has been mentioned already.
Keep up the work you do, you seem fit for it.
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re: Re: Lucy
11th Sep 2012 1:47pm
Thank you very much. It's a hard job, but it's kinda my passion. The mentally ill is something I was always curious about my entire life. Having a sick mother will do it to you. You wanna know. How best but to enter their world. Thanks for the comment! Much appreciated
re: re: Re: Lucy
I'v also wondered about mental illness, since a young age... but to deal with it... I don't know if I could deal with it, in dealing with others. If i was in that position I'd rather be oblivious. I suppose most must know, in a small way, there's something wrong with them?
Oh by the by, dig your profile pic, I hope you like butterflies:) That's what it brings to mind.
Cheers
Oh by the by, dig your profile pic, I hope you like butterflies:) That's what it brings to mind.
Cheers
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re: re: re: Re: Lucy
12th Sep 2012 10:02pm
Love them. And understand what your saying. Many feel that way. I think I craved to know about every illness that I was drawn to it !! And thanks again. Lemme caution made it for me. I kinda love it
Re: Lucy
26th Sep 2012 8:33am
VEry interesting view into your work. It's more than just a job, it teaches you empathy, patience, concern, and firmness.
Good read, loved it.
Good read, loved it.
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Re: Lucy
1st Feb 2015 5:50am
Sad, just plain sad. Glad you shared.
can't believe I had never read any of your works before, glad I decided too.
can't believe I had never read any of your works before, glad I decided too.
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re: Re: Lucy
1st Feb 2015 5:56am
Yeah that lady used to give me chills sometimes. Sad story in so many people, I don't miss that job anymore . Ty love xo