omkara

MR A

one thing that is everywhere
and will outlast every blaze and shimmer

I think moving the 'and from  the end of the first line to the start of the second line might be a good move.

It's in the reading of it I think:

"one thing that is everywhere and(pause)will outlast every blaze and shimmer(pause)"

see the reader would pause at the and rather than 'everywhere' which in my opinion would work  to  your advantage:
"one thing that is everywhere(pause)and will outlast every blaze and shimmer(pause)"


"I bury my every squinting eye
far from the aches of a swollen pupil"

I like this, it has a nice ring to it but I'll confess to not getting the meaning of it yet.no matter though, this is how one get's a feel for deciphering poetry.

all in, I really like this side of your writing and enjoyed reading this one in particular.

fair play man, shine on.    

Thanks for the in-depth explanation of the benefits of the word 'and' being adjusted. I agree and will move it accordingly. Old habit with buts and ands on the ends of lines.

Cheers for your thoughts, Eamonn.

It's all about the last four lines for me.

I'd love having that tattooed. (I won't by the way, I'm just saying :p)

Now I'm offended. Sure you've got worse tattoos. :P

Xlent
view (eye,aye Capt.Alp!)
 of  'alternate' vista......

we Can indeed See in the dark

(but no
Posi-Think Club
      s m i
     l
   e  y   face
sticker f'or    you today, youngman)

When it's pitch, we can't see anything.

No sticker? Man I'll have to write a love poem.

the dark will always transcend light...indeed

methinx maybe it is Our "My Mind" that needs to transcend Our delusional(belief!)duality/polarity of 'this' all'ways somehow separated from,(&usually  in conflict with), 'that'.

light/dark just 'are'...having no thing to do wit thee illusion/delusions that our hyperAnimated brains project upon them, as per multiple multitudes of conflicting 'meaning[s]'(7-billion strong & Growing!).......

butt (speakin-of-duality) eye could be 'Wrong', yknow?