Wilted

Well, it is four clichés stuck together. You have to make the reader read something they have never read before. There is potential though.

K. Thanks.

Lightening is what hair does in the sun, Grace.
You've lost the soul of your poem now.
Could be all those "likes" getting in the way.

Yes, the likes are too much.  
 
"he strikes like lightening  
it burns like fire  
I cry like rain  
he blooms like flowers"  
   
You can say the same thing without saying "like"  
 
he strikes me quick as lightning  
it's fire burns my skin  
rain falls from my eyes  
and he blooms  

Not much better, but you get my point, I hope.
 
I added ME in the first line. Make it personal.  
I don't know what else blooms besides flowers, (but it IS 4 in the morning), so I left flowers off.

not bad lol but I think you can do much better get sick with yourself don't be afraid to jot down how you really feel explore your memories and emotions and write them down as a story and then put it together as poetry

Ok. Thank you!

Short, and lovely. Words hit like a blowfly wound. Good job. :)

Thank you Danii!
Cute pic!

Hiya, my friend :)

I see a sandwich formed of three cliches, first three lines, and a beautiful line the last. I like the title better than the last one.

Keep working on it. I want you to reach deep inside, to the dark & dirty of that part of your mind that birthed this poem, and grab a handful of that sticky, bloody mush that formed this piece. It can be messy, but you can do it.

You need your true emotions slapped onto paper for this poem, and what I can see is you holding back. Pour yourself out.

Wishes and butterflies :) I can't wait to read more of your work. Keep chipping away, eventually that wall will come loose.

Thank you sooooo much! Very helpful!

as for thee intent of this sweet shortie- beautiful,

but'like way too manymany likes.....

similies & meta4s be tiresome traps for young'spirin' poets.

best practice selfXpression wit'out conscious use of similie/meta4. they will still sneak in anyway.

Consider This

Lightening, he strikes...
Fire, burn..
I cry rain
He blooms flowers

still very metaphoric, but wit'out the extra` weight of similie

Thank you

Thank you for sharing your work. Simple and descriptive. Also some good advice already given by others, but only you know your heart.