deepundergroundpoetry.com
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It's not
the car
it's the
climate
Bunny, can
I if I
don't have
other problems?
One of us
don't have
it together.
Could be your
idea of sympathy.
Just take it out
of petty cash. Maybe
that is all for
the best, Bunny.
What is this?
Another episode?
Sooner or later
we, each, could be:
injured.
the car
it's the
climate
Bunny, can
I if I
don't have
other problems?
One of us
don't have
it together.
Could be your
idea of sympathy.
Just take it out
of petty cash. Maybe
that is all for
the best, Bunny.
What is this?
Another episode?
Sooner or later
we, each, could be:
injured.
Published 6th Jul 2012
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likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 867
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
6th Jul 2012 7:15pm
I really like the sense of endearment you get from the word 'bunny'. I think the whole thing manages to be lighthearted but achingly sincere at the same time.
Feel like the first 'I' in 'I if I' would sound better if it were on the end of the previous line: 'Bunny, can I/if I'. But aside from that, I really enjoyed reading this.
Feel like the first 'I' in 'I if I' would sound better if it were on the end of the previous line: 'Bunny, can I/if I'. But aside from that, I really enjoyed reading this.
7th Jul 2012 00:49am
Thanks for the reply. I'm going to leave it the way it is, although I tried your idea: probably due to being lazy.
6th Jul 2012 7:27pm
this was interesting. you pull it off. congratulations. that disjointed thing works. i dont think i fully get this, but thats on me. its well written. :)
7th Jul 2012 00:52am
Thanks for saying "this disjointed thing" works. Didn't even realize it was "disjointed" until you pointed it out. Always the last to know, you know.
6th Jul 2012 8:25pm
7th Jul 2012 00:53am
